AIBU to not host Christmas this year?

Sounds tough.
My mum used to alternate Christmas between me and my brother.
Additionally we've hosted numerous family events at Easter., Summer bbq and after Christmas, more for her to see the family.
Sadly she died this year, so I’m cutting back on the hosting. His turn for a change, but never had a meal at his house…

Their lack of money isn’t your problem unless you let it be.

You’re trying to please everyone but yourself.

It’s your home, your money and you hosting. You shouldn’t have to feel like you have to put up with them because of your Mum wanting to see everyone.

If you really wanted to give it one last try, set out some expectations, get them to bring a dish or some alcohol, say you’re not funding alcohol and don’t put out as much food. Just have the food for the meal and no more.

If you simply don’t invite him, there is every chance he will simply rock up assuming all will be as it has always been. You’re going to have to tell him you’re not having him. That will be awkward but tbh, it might be cathartic to actually let him know he’s a greedy, spongy prick and you’re over catering to him just to make your mum pretend he’s a decent human being for a day.

Yes just don't invite them. Definitely don't say "oh I feel I have been doing this long enough etc etc" as it sounds u are bearing a grudge which will open the way to dialogue and discussion and then turning the situation round to make it acceptable to you but you would end up hosting!! Just on different terms.

As millions of others have said...just say "decided not to do big Christmas get together this year". And leave it there.
Not for u to fix everything.
Ur not doing it this year. The end.
Everyone else can do what they want.

Dont explain or offer suggestions.
Just leave it.
If Ur mum is on her own she can come but only in a low key way.

If she cares about you then she will understand that u don't want a big Christmas this year. And that is fine.

I think our Christmas this year will.be the.lowest key yet. For various reasons. And I'm fine with that. It's just a day.

But seriously - we have inlaws - and they always ask to bring something. FiL researches the Telegraph recommended wine list and spends december traipsing over his home town looking for them, MiL always buys the poshest crackers she can find, and SiL brings a lush desert and we. Do everything else for the 3-4 days they stay. (We’d rather then didn’t bring anything as they’re retired, but they’d be offended and it keeps FiL busy for weeks which keeps him out of MiLs hair 🤣)

Hi op,

Gosh, I don’t know I could do what you do! Blessed elderly mom 👏🏼

Can you not having your mum a few days before your bro arrives?
hosting your mum 20-26 and your bro 25 afternoon-26 late morning? That should take some of the sting?

Good luck 🌺

Suggest going out for christmas lunch at a hotel this year instead - and DB can pay his own way.

I had a sibling like this, always free-loading, late and rude to every event.
Instead of thinking how to manage this, just remove the problem - tell him no, tell him firmly so it gets through his thick skin and don't compromise !

Of course you are not being unreasonable-I would host your mum and tell your brother that you’re sick of always being the one to pay and host.

It doesn’t sound like you are going to do that though!

Unless you have to work, generally in the UK Christmas is a week so there is plenty if time for your mother to see rest of her family. TBH other than sitting like a mother hen, surely she would have better engagement with GC in a smaller group?

Be a martyr. Or not. Your choice.

Just say it’s too much work for you and you’re not doing it this year. Tell them to have your mum over themselves, give your mum two christmases.

State benefits? They must be getting income from somewhere. You can't pay bills with buttons. No mortgage but council tax, heating, food? My guess would be they are benefit claimants.

Sounds like you're well on the way to a good decision!
I liked the suggestion of Happy Dane.
Let yourself off the hook.
Or as son says, 'you're doing it to yourself!'

Obviously your mum wants to see you both on Christmas Day, not inviting him will upset her. Prep him in advance with a list of everything he is expected to bring, along with a list of things you'd like him to do on the day. You are not his servant!

I’m in the just say no camp. Have a lovely relaxed day with your mum and family .

Arrange to drive over to a pub convenient to them for drinks on Boxing Day or before Christmas to exchange gifts and for the kids to play. Low key and low stress. Your mum will still enjoy seeing the kids play - sell it as another special Christmas occasion.

He doesn’t get an invitation, only your mum, who you naturally want to spoil. You can take her over another day. She can spend time with him and his family another day. You can spend (cheap, not at your emotional or financial cost) another day getting the cousins together-day out at a National trust place (meet them inside so you’re not paying!) for example.

Your children don't need to see their cousins on Christmas Day - there's 364 other days in the year where you could arrange a get together. I think this is your excuse, so you don't have to tackle a difficult thing!
It's understandable but won't help you in the long run.

I think it might help you to reframe this in your mind as doing a positive thing for your children. You will be teaching them that boundaries and respectful behaviour are important. And you will be giving them back time. Your children should be spending tome with you on Christmas Day, not watching you tear around like a blue arse fly, waiting on lazy grifters!

Does you SIL not want Christmas in her own home?

Why not invite your Mum and your DH parents? That way you can say you are only hosting parents this year but offer to meet up with him for a pub lunch/McDonald's somewhere after Xmas maybe on 28th so cousins can meet up. Your Mum can arrange to see her other grandchildren on another day when you are not there.

Book a cozy Airbnb somewhere and invite only your mum. She can see your brothers family another day, or she can decline your invite and go to your brother.

Or invite her for the morning and lunch, and only invite your brother in the evening for mince pies for a couple hours.

You're right of course. I was thinking of a way to please the OP's mum.

Why invite this pig around at all, ever?

Why don't you invite them round after lunch?

Hide all the booze and anything you don't want them to have.

😂
What was MIL's response?

Your mum and your kids don’t get to decide who comes to your house. You do.