To think that maybe the teenagers have a point?

Just because he is an adult I think doesnt mean automatic respect and to be honest he would lose my respect pretty damn quick

and OP he knows the chores need doing otherwise he wouldn’t ask would he - he recognises that they need doing but won’t do it himself

what is his argument for supporting him getting the kids to do things he won’t do himself to the point where he leaves it all to you

It's not modelling great behaviour is it. The fact he does bugger all, and then getting paid for chores, adults don't get paid for chores so kids shouldn't in my view (we do pocket money but not in payment of chores).

Perhaps if the whole household learned how respectful people live together and chip in together they can all learn a lesson.

The teenagers are completely out of order to speak to your husband like that. If I were him, I would stop their phones and their pocket money.

The disparity in chores between you and him seems wrong, assuming you both have the same amount of free time outside of work.

But, unless the teenagers are working all hours out of school on academic work, the school day is not nearly as stressful or hard as a job. And some of the chores, like tidying their own rooms, shouldn’t even be an issue.

It sounds like you both give them a very nice life and the quid pro quo for this is working at school and a minimal level of chores.

You seem to be trying to find excuses as to why your husband can carry on being a lazy arse.
There is nothing wrong with teaching your children to help out with a few chores but your husband comes across as a complete knob.

I then started doing the washing as I’d already been out of action for a couple of days before being admitted to hospital so otherwise the kids would have had no clean uniform or sports kit to wear…

That would have been the ideal teaching moment - you stagger off to bed telling them that they need to do the washing right away or they will have no clean uniform or sports kit,

Yes, I do too, but DH absolutely hates it, and frankly completely incompetent at it. He's much happier doing the laundry and washing up.

I agree with you.
I grew up in a household where mum worked PT and did EVERYTHING at home, dad full time and contributed nothing to housework.
And I vividly recall being a teenager and having mum ask me to do chores and I didn’t mind, but it rankled me every time dad suggested I do a job around the house as he didn’t do any. And I felt very much like I didn’t want to take instruction from him when it came to that sort of stuff.

If you're not satisfied with the amount of chores your husband does around the house, that's between the two of you, but both you and your husband work to support the family (particularly your children), and regardless of which parent is asking the teenagers to help with the odd light job, they shouldn't be pushing back. It doesn't sound like they're being asked to do much.

Maybe your husband should do more, but it's not the kids' place to point this out disrespectfully and use it as an excuse for not doing their share. How would you feel if they repeatedly brought up some area of life where you're perhaps underperforming and your DH just sat back and indicated that they had a point? It's disrespectful to speak to a parent this way, imo, and should be discouraged.

Wow. I thought this only happened to me.

Well that's a silly claim from him.
If "the mess doesn't bother him" then surely he wouldn't be asking his kids to do something about it (empty the dishwasher etc), so he wouldn't be getting any pushback?

Of course he should be doing his fair share of housework, and should be setting a good example for the teenagers.

Kick him out. If he's a high earner, he can rent somewhere on his own and have a glorious time with the mess not bothering him.

Meanwhile you and your lovely children can share the chores fairly without also having to clean up after an enormous man-sized baby.

It will also be a good example to your children of what happens to/how to deal with people who don't pull their weight in relationships.

He must have seen the dirty plates on the side, lack of food and recycling on the floor. Did he seriously just leave it for you to do when you got back? Please don't say you got in from hospital and did a load of chores.

This His bottom line is that the mess doesn’t bother him so he doesn’t see why he should do anything about it doesn't tie in with him telling your teens to do chores.
I have to admit that don't see/mind mess, so it doesn't occur to me to load the dishwasher, wash paw prints off the kitchen floor etc. therefore I wouldn't suggest DC do it either. Drives DH bonkers.

What do they do to pull their weight in the house? I don't think it's unreasonable to ask kids to do 'stuff' while they're being supported by the parents.

They are just being manipulative to get out of chores and doing their fair share. Surely your DH does other things to keep everything running that the kids don’t realise? Maybe encourage to start thinking how their own actions have consequences and not to be focusing on others. I wish my DH would chuck the occasional bleach down the loo, but it never happens. He does plenty of other useful things so I let it ride.

They have a point. Also the 50p is meaningless and an insult to a teenager - either they are required to do something because everyone in the household has to do something and they don't get paid, or they get a proper amount.

To be honest I’d rather do your list than the practical stuff. Most of that I do because I want to/ enjoy organising the deals, bookings etc.

Ha, I've a "big job", but I'm also a single mum, so do everything around the house (except I've a cleaner once a week).

Even if he has a big job, he's not in work 24 hours a day, so plenty of time to do his share.

I'm afraid the mess you confronted coming back from being in hospital would be one of those things which I would find very hard to move on from - the contempt and the lack of care and respect is appalling. I'd be very disappointed in the children and absolutely furious with my husband.

Offer him 50p each time you ask him to do something.

What’s he going to do when he hasn’t got a “Big Job”

I think a lot of Dads have form for this sort of thing.

How many fathers tell their Dc to get off their screens then sit on one themselves!

Thankfully DH got a wake up call when I said to one of our Dc who was about 3 at the time.
“ Didn’t I tell you time for watching the ipad was finished. You are to stop now please.”

“ But mummy I like to be watching a long time like Daddy.” 😂 Thankfully I seldom get round to watching anything so I could thoroughly enjoy the incident! DH looked a bit awkward.