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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to complain about this Dr interaction?

92 replies

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 09:49

I should start by saying my Dr's surgery is excellent. I am very lucky in that generally I never struggle with appointments and am always generally pleased with the service. I had an appointment this morning and it was a different GP to one I've ever seen. He struck me as quite different when I walked in as this GP was wearing a hat (almost like a straw hat) and a Hawaiian type shirt, he seemed really jolly and friendly which was great. We started talking about my issue which was related to chronic chest issues. Suddenly, out of seemingly no where, he asked if "the curtains matched the drapes", I was confused and said excuse me and he repeated, this time gesturing at my hair (which is dyed an unusual colour) and then sort of nodded down indicating my pubic area. I was really shocked and sort of laughed awkwardly and said no. I was completely taken off guard. He laughed and then carried on with the appointment as though nothing had happened. I left feeling completely bemused and when I got home couldn't stop thinking about it and how even if it was just a joke, it made me uncomfortable. I wish I'd said something at the time but I was rrally taken aback. WIBU to speak to the surgery about this. Part of me feels like I'm making a big deal over a throw away comment but another part of me feels it was totally inappropriate.

OP posts:
Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 11:29

Coruscations · 14/10/2024 11:24

I know it's easy to be wise after the event, but ideally you should have pinned him down to say exactly what he was asking about, and why he was gesturing towards your hair.

Yes, I'm really kicking myself for reacting so passively. I really am disappointed I didn't pull him up on it and make him explain exactlywhat he meant. Sadly I feel like my response was like a green light to him it was acceptable.

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 14/10/2024 11:27

Don't be so hard on yourself OP, he was a man and therefore there is an immediate power imbalance which is probably why you didn't say anything to him, along with the shock.
Definitely report it. It's completely unacceptable.

Coruscations · 14/10/2024 11:24

I know it's easy to be wise after the event, but ideally you should have pinned him down to say exactly what he was asking about, and why he was gesturing towards your hair.

LBFseBrom · 14/10/2024 11:19

That was a totally inappropriate remark for anyone to make, especially a doctor to a patient. Yeuch. Unfortunately such things happen, you won't be the only one and he will gain a reputation.

Find another doctor.

Runsyd · 14/10/2024 11:14

Sexual harassment is a very big deal, OP.

Rocketmanjan · 14/10/2024 11:13

Definitely report to the practice manager at the very least. I used to work in a surgery and they would most definitely take this seriously, especially the practice manager and GP partners.

What an absolute creep!

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 11:10

FatOaf · 14/10/2024 10:58

Did he introduce himself as a doctor? It's extremely unusual to see a GP at my practice: you are nearly always seen by a mumble-mumble practitioner. It's probably best to report to the practice manager first, as he won't be registered with the GMC if he isn't a doctor. Physician associates will be regulated by the GMC from December, but not yet. The various mumble-mumble practitioners will have different regulators depending on which kind of mumble-mumble they are.

I do think practices should be putting signs on the door and the desk saying exactly what each practitioner's role and status is, as well as who their professional regulator is.

I genuinely can't remember if he introduced himself as anything. He may have done but I genuinely wasn't paying enough attention at the start (plus was admittedly distracted by the hat!) I was such a "normal" appointment in every other regard up until he said it. He knew some of my history so had access to my medical files.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2024 11:05

I'm thinking this was someone impersonating a doctor, however unlikely it sounds. Deserves to be flagged up either way. Next poor soul who comes in with headaches, he may attempt to do a cavity search.

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 11:02

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You don't have to believe it, I barely did did when it happened!

Thanks for all the helpful posts.

OP posts:
pasta · 14/10/2024 11:00

I would throw the book at this, it is completely unprofessional and highly offensive

LindorDoubleChoc · 14/10/2024 11:00

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poppymango · 14/10/2024 10:58

WTF?! That is SO unprofessional, report immediately!!

FatOaf · 14/10/2024 10:58

Did he introduce himself as a doctor? It's extremely unusual to see a GP at my practice: you are nearly always seen by a mumble-mumble practitioner. It's probably best to report to the practice manager first, as he won't be registered with the GMC if he isn't a doctor. Physician associates will be regulated by the GMC from December, but not yet. The various mumble-mumble practitioners will have different regulators depending on which kind of mumble-mumble they are.

I do think practices should be putting signs on the door and the desk saying exactly what each practitioner's role and status is, as well as who their professional regulator is.

MissyPants · 14/10/2024 10:51

@needsomewarmsunshine ok ok, maybe not vagina explicitly, but it's within the region of.

Oleanolean · 14/10/2024 10:50

@Swellbowler23 I’m so sorry you had this experience…he may have been a locum or a new recruit and sometimes people are locuming because they haven’t been able to hold down a permanent job, so it’s really really crucial that you report this person asap. Dodgy people exist in the nhs as well as in any walk of life but because they are in a position of power relative to the patient they can more easily get away with bad behaviour.

Dotto · 14/10/2024 10:50

Unprofessional and inappropriate all round. Definitely get the email of the practice manager from reception.

C152 · 14/10/2024 10:49

It's sexual harassment and yes, it should be reported.

ThianWinter · 14/10/2024 10:46

This doctor has been supremely unprofessional and you should report him both to the practise manager and the GMC. Personal remarks like that are offensive and unnecessary. He might have been making a joke to put you at ease, but no-one in the medical profession should make jokes about someone's personal appearance, relevant or not.

SittingontheSidelines · 14/10/2024 10:45

This sounds like testing the waters to me. Definitely inappropriate but just not quite explicit enough, so you doubt yourself. If he gets away with it it's likely to escalate and possibly with someone very vulnerable (not that all women aren't vulnerable in this situation, but you know what I mean). Please Please report.

Swellbowler23 · 14/10/2024 10:45

Irridescantshimmmer · 14/10/2024 10:41

That is very very creeeeeepy, I would hae caught him off guard and referred to the windows in the room havin blinds or something and would have refused to answer his stupid question.

Its concerning because his conduct may become innapropriate if he was to carry out any gynae exams on female patients he could put them at risk of harm so I suggest you complain, in writing to the surgey. Just so they have a log of it just in case.

Yes! I'm so cross at myself that I bloody answered the ridiculous question. I am playing out all the ways I should have reached now!

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 14/10/2024 10:41

That is very very creeeeeepy, I would hae caught him off guard and referred to the windows in the room havin blinds or something and would have refused to answer his stupid question.

Its concerning because his conduct may become innapropriate if he was to carry out any gynae exams on female patients he could put them at risk of harm so I suggest you complain, in writing to the surgey. Just so they have a log of it just in case.

FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2024 10:39

Unprofessional, creepy and sexist. No man would say that to another man.

needsomewarmsunshine · 14/10/2024 10:36

About her vagina? I thought he was referring to the colour of pubic hair😁Def report this person.

MissyPants · 14/10/2024 10:32

He sounds like an oddball.
People are free to dress as they choose yes, but first impressions count. I wouldn't take anyone seriously if they were dressed as if they were at a Honolulu Hawaiian fancy dress party, advising me on my health.
It's a professional setting!
He sounds carefree, happy go lucky type yes, but he definitely went a step too far.
You went in about chest issues and he somehow managed to make it about your vagina. That is totally not ok. I'm sick of this shit that us women are subjected to, just for being a woman. He wouldn't have said it if it had been a man.
Absolutely complain. I have a lot of respect for Doctors as I generally see them as very educated people, but what he did was very very unprofessional and I am appalled for you. I hope you are ok.

Mischance · 14/10/2024 10:27

Absolutely inappropriate - complain.

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