Bonfire night etiquette.

My mum carries on like this as did her mother before her, but honestly who cares. Unless you're on a very tight income, just buy some fireworks and enjoy slagging her off in the sisters group chat.

Once you make peace with the fact that the oldest woman in the room is the boss, you can dispense with so much wasted emotion. Soon enough it'll be your turn to be enjoy the unchallengable seat.

Ugh why are people like this?? I can only assume it’s either a control thing or serious penny pinching. Either way it’s draining being around someone like that, let alone your own mother! I’d just come with a few sparklers and see what she says. Tell her that you couldn’t find any fireworks or some excuse. Either way do not pay for a big display. People like this need to learn that they can’t go on like this.

I’d never heard the term ‘pack up’ until we moved to the East Midlands, and I misunderstood what it was. I thought it was one of those cagoules that fold into a pocket. In fairness the context was a message from my dc’s school about a trip saying ‘don’t forget to bring a pack-up’.

Spot on! I was brought up in Birmingham and moved to sarf end init 40yrs ago. ☺️

We did meat and potato pies plus cheese and onion for veggie option.

Im veggie, you could eat bacon or steak around me all day and I wouldn’t miss it, but I do sometimes miss pies and puddings!

Perhaps to you, not to OP. Different tastes, different regions, different traditions 🤷🏼‍♀️

Forgot to add - I think fireworks in gardens is wrong though. Thoughtless and dangerous.

Black peas are a bit like mushy peas when finished. I’ve never liked vinegar on them though.

Isn’t pie and peas standard bonfire night food? I’m northern, and we’ve had loads of massive bonfire parties over the years and pie was always the menu. We also provided Parkin and a huge vat of mulled wine. Friends always brought fireworks (the first couple of times we asked them to).

But this isn’t the issue here. You need to start putting your foot down, whether she cried or not. You had the perfect opportunity when she asked. You could have pointed out that she was there eating your food without being charged for it.. Stop enabling her.

We used to have simmered peas and vinegar!!

Shocked OP, shocked I tell you.

but only at the number of people who have never been to a bonfire as a kid and had pie and mushy peas. Mint sauce up here rather than gravy but even so. What miserable childhoods they’ve had!

ps I don’t eat that pink meat in the middle but I love a good water crust.

The issue is obviously more about what she does than bonfire night. She should have said at the beginning yes but I don’t think she is being unreasonable asking you to bring something. I would have offered if it was my family, she has sorted the food and is happy for everyone to use her house so bringing along some fireworks even a cheap box is not too much to ask.

Christ on a Catherine wheel, what is WRONG with people in Wakefield? 😂

Dahn sarf we mostly disapprove of fireworks dontcha know. Unless it’s Diwali in which case we say oh how lovely it’s Diwali. But when I was a kid, and dogs didn’t need tranqs and cows didn’t eat stray rockets and people ate carbs, we would have jacket potatoes, Heinz tomato soup and hot dogs.

Cry back at her and say she wouldn’t do this if she cared about you.

I think, no actually I know, that I am a vegetarian and those pies sound revolting.

That's how women like her control people.

It's still not snobbery to not know what pack up means.

I say ‘packed lunch’ but it was perfectly clear what OP meant when you read the rest of her post! As for those turning their nose up at the food, take a look at yourselves…who do you think you are?

Start charging her or asking her to bring something towards an event. If she complains, just say that as it works for her you thought you'd try it to stop people from fleecing you.

Don't invite her to yours or go to hers and see her in a park with a cup of coffee you bought yourself before she turns up.

Out of interest, what was her upbringing like? Were her parents similar?

As pp have said go to the local display then back to her house for supper. Is it a money thing? She just can't afford it? Maybe she's embarrassed about that? Or maybe she's just a bit odd...

To have a semi-decent display of fireworks will cost considerably more than the pies

Nonsense. Pies for 8 people v a selection box of fireworks & some sparklers from the supermarket? We spent about £20 on fireworks last year which was plenty.

Ah ok we had jacket potatoes, Parkin, gingerbread treacle toffee ( I think)

Also having loads of fireworks in a garden is really old school and not safe - I didn't even like it in the 70s!!!

How do you order gravy?

Ahh that old manipulator's party trick.
Let her cry.
She's the one behaving unreasonably time and time again.
She gets away with it because she isn't challenged about it.

To have a semi-decent display of fireworks will cost considerably more than the pies. If she was putting on a spread for many people and asked them at the point of inviting to bring fireworks each and the costs were split evenly, that would be fine.
The problem here is the history and that she's trying to lump the main expense after the point of inviting.

I'd just take your usual sparklers.

And if she cries, so be it. She creates these situations.

By the vibe of your post you all sound like hard work. Just buy a few fireworks and enjoy your family evening or ruin it with stinginess and pettiness.