Bonfire night etiquette.

This thread's hilarious. I adore (not being sarcastic, truly bless you because you are too pure for this world) the person who assumed it must mean lovingly simmered carlin peas. I mean, my great gran used to make those. In the 1940s. No mate it's normal mushy peas from the chippy and a tin of Ben Shaws

This is literally a standard bonfire night tea is it not? We do it every year 🤯

If I'm honest you and your sister are enabling this crap. Repeatedly. Stop allowing the tears and guilt trips to affect you. Grey rock. You'll get much better at it I can assure you.

In this instance. I would message her on a group chat to simply say that "Mum, Mary and I were very taken aback yesterday to find that you expected us to fund the fireworks when you had invited us and not asked this of us at the time. It's a bit like asking us to supply a bouncy castle to a bouncy castle party ! If they are significantly more expensive than you anticipated then I suggest we go to Park X and view the public display. For all of us it's broadly the same cost but we'll get 20 mins of fireworks rather than 2mins for £100. We can do some sparkers in the garden before we go and it will also keep down the mess in your new garden.

Going forward, I'd appreciate it if you could be more explicit in your expectations. Finances are tight and it's put me, and probably Mary in a difficult position as the kids are very excited and we don't want to let them down.

You might want to add [I think it would also be sensible if we talked about Christmas soon.]

I really don’t see the issue for a family bonfire night.

Northern myself and the etiquette is that if anyone hosts bonfire night those attending bring a box of fireworks each.

Aldi sells a good selection at affordable prices

Live in York, love pie, and our children often have a pack up. But lived for a while in South Yorkshire, and often there people called packed lunch 'bait' which was a new one on me.

More generally, Some of these comments remind me of this Victoria Wood classic...

and the thing is, it'll only get worse over the years.

You need to speak to her @herewegogogox preferably with your sister and say, it's easier for everyone if you know where you stand from the start, whether that's on cost grounds, or about catering.

You don't need to feel guilty if you spell it out that inviting you to Christmas lunch but not providing lunch, or to a firework party without fireworks, is not an invite. If she cries you tell her that it's not a crying matter, what is untrue about what you've said.

From now on you and your sister take charge of arrangements eg OK well, best if you meet us at time and place and we'll all go to the display at X, then back to yours, you get the pies in and we'll bring the kids some sparklers.

If she kicks back, you both reinforce that this is what works for you.

I was certainly a bit bemused by the pie and peas tradition when I moved from the South to the North but I didn’t fucking balk at it and call it revolting like some of the snobs on here. Christ.

she cries and makes us feel guilty

Stop feeling guilty then! You know they are crocodile tears and she is manipulating you.

I've made Yorkshire parkin a couple of weeks ago, it improves the longer it's kept in a tin and gets stickier. No-one's mentioned red cabbage so far, one of the essentials too, especially with corned beef hash that I used to do. I do hope that the peas are properly mushed too, not just mashed on the back of a fork.

Oh same here.

The excitement would start days before as Dad started to build the bonfire and we made a guy. The fire was usually in our garden as we had lots of space, but our neighbours and friends would come round and we pooled the fireworks. The mums sorted the food out between them.

Only the dads set off the fireworks. No accidents ever happened!

Yes we had a pet. A cat. She stayed in the house and didn't seem at all bothered.

Never had pie and peas at a bonfire.
Didn't have a 'miserable childhood'.
You are aware that different foods are popular in different locations, right?

I don’t want to speak for all of the south but we tend to have jacket potatoes with some form of topping like chilli con carne on top, on bonfire night

I wouldn't take my kids to someones house to watch bombs being detonated by non-professionals regardless of who pays.

Just blow it off and go to a safe regulated display hosted by highly trained professionals. You can invite her along then go back to hers for pie afterwards but regardless of who pays when someone gets badly injured it won't matter.

Really its insanity that literally explosives are available for just any Tom, Dick and Harry to buy and set off in residential areas.

I'm Lancashire and Scottish and not heard it. Not sure we said it a lot in childhood rather than picnic / I'm old - but fit my children was packed lunch

I'm northern and never heard the term pack up we'd use bait box.

Crikey, the snobbery on this thread is unbelievable!
Some people seem to know nothing outside their own little bubble.

Pie and peas with gravy and mint sauce, or no gravy and just mint sauce is pretty universal in West Yorkshire and South Yorkshire.

Some posters seem to be unaware that there are different regional foods in different parts of the country.

Maybe, as a southerner who is married to a Geordie and now lives in Yorkshire I have been immersed in more than one UK "culture" and tend not to have such a narrow minded view of local specialities.

Hendos anyone?

Being a cat owner I wouldn't be contributing to towards anything that terrifies innocent animals into thinking that the world is ending. Slightly off topic I know but I hate private fireworks now for this reason

So looked it up, Scottish recipe is marrowfat peas boiled with vinegar ( better than it sounds) and I was brought up in Lancashire so did have black peas and vinegar at other people's houses too.

My mum was Scottish think she simmered them in vinegar- marrowfat peas - they were lush, might have to look it up!!

I'm not sure why anyone thinks you'd spend £109s on fireworks when you can get a box for £20 so £10 each from OP and her sister. It will probably cost more than that to go to a public display
She obviously should have asked at the time of the invite but are you really surprised as you know what she's like?
Anyway you don't have to go or just go for food.

This….👍👍. Pies and peas? 😳😳. That's for football matches. lol ⚽️

It's not the dark ages, we can do a cheese and onion pie for you

What’s wrong with pie, peas and gravy, snobbery at its finest

I'm in Cheshire Round these parts pack up/packed lunch is a picnic. Yes, even if you eat it indoors!

To me it seems odd that given your mum clearly has form, it wouldn’t have occurred to you that she’d expect a contribution. You should have just discussed it right at the start.