UK fertility rate drops by 18.8% in 12 years

I said friends. Didn't specify male or female

There are so many adventures to have and children tie you to the earth. 20 years of drudge Vs ... Not

Some of the families in the past, even working class families with small homes age very limited means were enormous. My Great Grandfather was one of 15 children; my Great Grandmother was one of 17 children. 5-10 kids not unusual at all in my family tree.

This too. Absolute agony when I started my periods. The pill gave me migraines. Started ttc at 28 but needed ivf to have our first baby. They found extensive endo when they went in to collect the eggs and mentioned it casually, like "did you know your ovaries were covered?". Erm no. No, I didn't! But that explains a lot.

This! I knew there was something wrong with me gynaecologically from the start of my periods at 13 but didn’t get a diagnosis until I was in my thirties. Managed to get pregnant at 31. Then they wouldn’t treat the endo because‘I had already got pregnant once’. By the time it was treated my tube was fucked. Now it’s been removed and I’m 43. I was super lucky to have my DD

Unless you have big age gaps between children, you're sacrificing your freedom for a few years, until they're more independent.

I think it's a bit silly of your friends to think your lifestyle choice is 'crazy'.

And I say this as a child-free woman myself!

Money.
Dating is harder than ever.

I’m mid 30s and my life long friends still live at home. They don’t want to be but since they’re single they can’t afford to live alone so feel they haven’t progressed. Babies are the lowest priority.

Not when you're old and there aren't enough working-age people to pay your pension.

I rented in flatshares until I was 30!

Pretty standard in London.

You’re assume they struggle to get pregnant because of the woman’s fertility, but male fertility is rapidly dropping, so there’s a good chance that for at least some of these couples, her age isn’t the reason.

I used to want a huge family. My birth family weren’t great, and I had fantasies of an adoring husband and six kids.

When I grew up, I had so many physical and mental health problems that I realised I wasn’t equipped to be a good parent. I did online dating for 25 years and never found anyone I’d have trusted to co-parent with.

I focused on making a full life for myself instead and now I feel incredibly lucky NOT to have children. Climate change and mass migration terrify me - I’m glad I won’t be around for the worst bits, and I’m glad I don’t have kids to worry about.

Interestingly, I had stage 4 endo for 25 years and eventually had a total hysterectomy when I was in my late 40s. My surgeon told me I would never have been able to get pregnant anyway!

Starved out.

Can’t afford housing or childcare.

End of.

@MotherOfRatios

I also think a lot of women just see how the burden always falls on them and saying yeah I don't want to do that. I'd rather be in a couple with dual income but no kids

Yeah, this. I have a career, I have hobbies, I like weekends of laying around in bed or doing whatever. I've seen the health of some of my female friends absolutely destroyed by having children - birth injuries, stress, neglecting themselves. I don't want that for me.

I have quite a few friends who could easily afford to have children, but don’t want to. They have a comfortable home, nice holidays and cars, and are free to spend their weekends as they choose. If work gets stressful, they can stay late to get it done. They think that we are crazy to sacrifice that freedom to have a family.

The global stats really don't bear out the idea that it's about cost, or even the spectacular drop in sperm counts (probably microplastics / UPFs / endocrine disruptors).

I think it's simply that lots of people just don't want children—there are loads of other options for things to do with your life, and it's socially acceptable to pursue them.

Human history tells us that it will be completely impossible to fix the climate crisis and stop deforestation, so I hope birth rates continue to fall everywhere. I'm childfree, but people with children should be glad of this trend (presuming they don't want their kids to live in a Mad Max-type situation.)

Our society does not particularly value children and young families.

Why would that sort of society enable or prioritise child rearing?

I would desperately love to have a third child, but we absolutely cannot afford one. I work part time as we have two little children, in a skilled office job. My partner is a teacher. Buying basic things like buying glasses, groceries, utility bills, is already such a challenge, that it wouldn't be fair on our existing children. Plus we'd have no room for them, and obviously can't afford to upsize our house. I'm mid 30s too, so by the time we're less broke, I'll be too old 😭.

I think it’s interesting that when women are in a position to choose, they so often choose not to have children.

Boomers were the first generation with easier access to contraception. Current 20-40 years olds are the first generation to live in a world where it’s socially acceptable to choose not to have children at all.

Don't you think people could do all those things 10, 20, 30 years ago?

Since when do children go on the pill at 11+?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001pt5z

I found this episode so interesting about studies suggesting that sperm counts worldwide have dropped 62% in the past 50 years. As yet there is no clear answer as to why that is.

Cost and support does play a big part in when and if people decide to have children and how many, but I also think it is getting more difficult to naturally conceive in general.

And what I find so, so interesting is that younger people simply seem a lot less interested. At their age, go to a party, there was snogging everywhere, people were coupling up all over the place, but I don't get the impression it is quite the same now. I'm obviously entirely out of the loop and my teens obviously tell me next to nothing, but they all seem a great deal more restrained and even sort of disinterested. Is it Japan where they have this issue with young men?

Because it's rare you can raise children and have a career. Until, we have 50/50 with both raising a family and career, I don't blame women saying 'no thank you'. Until men step up, I think it's sensible not to have kids (yes, yes I know, not all men, but let's be honest far more women are screwed by having kids than men).

I think @Macaroninecklace has a good point about the intensity of modern parenting- I'd add that duration may also play a part. Parents are expected to actively parent their late teen/adult children to a far greater extent than they were even 20 years ago.

Cost of living. We would like 3/4, but I don’t think we can afford them.

Where I live people don't generally want babies until their 30s. And are sold a myth that it's easy to get pregnant then.

Actually I'd say the majority of my friends like this have needed ivf.

I also think society is no longer encouraging to families wanting one parent to be at home with the kids. But childcare for multiple kids costs a fortune. Most people I know either don't want to be at home full-time with kids, or don't want to sacrifice their lifestyle/job for it.

I know a few people who had much wanted babies in their early 20s and actually got a fair bit of negative judgement as they were deemed too young.