To think most men are selfish?

I can’t speak for the nation, but for my social circle absolutely not. The men I choose as my friends (and luckily the men in my family who I have not been able to choose!) are the most caring, selfless people when it come to their friends and family. I have been lucky with my family, but I have been careful to choose friends who have the same values as me - both men and women. Luckily who my friends have chosen to partner up with have also shared the same values!

My husband is way more selfless than me, would always get up for the newborn crying and nappies, despite him working full time. I appreciated that and reciprocated when he took his shared parental leave and I was working full time. He knows what full on childcare looks like (the joys and mind numbing boredom!), and we respect and appreciate each other and know how lucky we are to have a loving family unit.

He was like that when I met him, always did 50/50 house wise. Neither of us had to change our values, we had them at the start. That’s why we got married and chose to have children together.

I haven't experienced this with my dh personally we've together 8 years and never a issue he has always put me first we don't have children but if we did I have no doubt he wouldn't be the same man he is now

Usually yes. There are some men who are very considerate and thoughtful but most men are better at putting their needs first.

Honestly I don’t think that’s always a bad thing (although it needs to be challenged if it’s at someone else’s expense). Far too many women put their own needs right at the bottom of the pile and allow themselves to be walked on. At work, in the home, in society in general.

It would be nice to think men could meet us in the middle but they won’t. To the privileged, equallity feels like oppression etc. we have to take it from them rather than expect it to be given. That doesn’t mean behaving like an arsehole but it does mean learning that your needs matter.

It’s much easier for men to be selfish, simply because they aren’t physically responsible for babies (mostly) and because of male socialisation and patriarchal expectations. So, they are more likely to be so.

Agree with this also

In my experience, the vast majority of the ones I've known, yes.

I'd go further. I think a good percentage of men put their dicks and shagging before just about everything else.

I also agree , sadly.

Agree sadly.

Most people, men and women, put their own self interest first most of the time. It shouldn't be a surprise. Social media highlights the extremes at both ends.

You are not wrong OP, you just have to see how many men walk away from their kids, and even more who resent funding them, and don’t want 50/50 parenting etc.

Not in my experience. Men in my family have always been selfless and caring. My partner can be selfish with me at times (as I can be with him as well) but if he is on his death bed, he will get up if his daughter needs him. He was literally limping up and down the stairs on a broken leg all night when she had a tummy bug and wanted him to hold her hand every time she needed to throw up.

I think it is very different for men not having the experience of pregnancy. That has to make a difference.

I can't understand otherwise why so many can cast off their children so easily.

I see where you're coming from but I have 2 brothers and a husband who are not selfish at all and always put their children first. So I always find it hard to say that men are selfish. But I have to admit that one of my brothers was absolutely awful and definitely selfish when he was in his 20s and I have had plenty of bad experiences with colleagues and generally just people that make me have to agree with you.

Very much so. My husband thinks he’s the perfect man but he’s a selfish uncommunicative bastard. I’m currently weighing up my options

My experience is that while there are many selfish women, and many unselfish men, men on the whole are at ease with centering their own needs, and being oblivious to others', in a way that few women are. Even the good men will do little things like finish the biscuits without it occurring to them to share them out. That's just the first thing that popped into my head.

Totally agree sadly.

Yanbu

It is true in my experience.

Not in my world.