To think I did NOT give them a “present” of horrible wine!

YANBU - Royal Toyaji wine can be delicious, we used to have Tokaji Azsu dessert wine at Christmas and my DF in particular loved it.

Your dad was being a total teed, glad you pulled him up on it.

If I am going to stay with my mother, I normally bring a small gift (flowers/chocolate etc). She may be my parent but she is also hosting me.

It’s the OP’s dad who needs to ‘’chill out and move past it’’ not her. I know exactly the sort of people you mean, OP, and there’s nothing worse. He clearly was offended and passively aggressively making that known under the guise of a joke, trying to make you feel small and humiliated. He sounds like an insufferable twat 🤣. I’m not surprised you snapped, I’d have reacted exactly the same.

And there is the problem. The bringing it up over and over and over again. Something that as a one off might have been passed off as mildly amusing becomes a stick to beat you with.

As an example...
My father has done this with my mother. Something sentimental to him got accidentally broken. Over 40 years later, he still 'jokes' about her throwing it across the room at him. We all know she didn't, it slipped from her hand and smashed at her feet. She has cried and begged and pleaded with him to stop, but because he thinks it is funny, he keeps on needling her.

I won't start on all the occasions he has done it to me. How he has utterly undermined my self belief.

Oh my goodness your last line - it's so true, I can completely see this happening - oh nooo, OP 🙈

Urrrrrgh my dad can be a bit like this too and it is tedious beyond belief. I usually start saying something like "oh Dad the dementia is starting to kick in, you've forgotten that you've made that joke twice already" then "poor Dad, off he goes again with the same joke, he's losing his marbles" each time he does it.

What's annoying is that now every time you visit or even drink wine with them he'll bring it up.

Acquired?

Ok, but were OP's feelings hurt? It sounds more annoying/frustrating to me. There's a difference between not understanding the nuances of when to stop an annoying joke or not seeing why it's a big deal to someone, and not caring about them.

Explaining doesn't mean excusing, OP's dad was obviously being extremely annoying. People are so black-and-white on MN, hearing one negative story and assuming the rest, instead of just accepting that people are a mix of different things and have faults and blind spots.

As for the autism thing - I'm just stating my own observations. You don't speak for all autistic people, or other people's experiences of autistic people. It's not a reflection on you.

I have never come across a site with such poor literacy and basic comprehension issues, post after post, and used to bully too.

The OP's father is a nasty arse.
"Sensitive" is used by abusive bullys.

Offended, no, but definitely would find a person tedious and annoying for making the same “joke” repeatedly for an entire weekend.

Your dad was being an arse (and a bully). Giving them something to try as they might like it is fine.

I gave my mum an opened pack of fruit pots the other day (3 pots from a pack of 4). Told her that I had bought a different brand to normal but I didn't like them so did she want to try them. She took them, didn't like them either, and binned them. No drama at all.

My mum is like this. Says the meanest things at my expense and if I react negatively then it's 'you can't take a joke' 'you're so sensitive' or the best one yet 'I live in fear of your moods'
Funnily enough I have this problem with no one else in my life, because even the worst people I've ever met don't speak to me like she does and don't make 'jokes' like she does.

Me too. The hard of thinking are out in force this evening. Maybe they've been on the bottle!

Again, "intuitively understanding how other people might feel" and "being sensitive" are absolutely not the same thing as not believing other people's feelings are valid and important. Caring about hurting other people is not a cognitive or communication skill, it's a character value.

Trying to excuse the latter under the guise of autism or neurodiversity harms everyone, especially autistic people like myself who don't deserve to have autism thought of as a lack of empathy or respect for others.

If you want to see it that way, sure. I think if you don't intuitively understand how other people might feel about something, it can be harder to learn to be sensitive. It doesn't mean you're an arsehole in every other way. We are talking about tedious joking here, not actual cruelty.

Same? I can’t imagine getting offended by those comments/jokes. Clearly in the minority!

OP, so sorry so many on this thread don't get your clearly written post.

Your father is an arse.
A tedious, dull, repetitive arse.
Your mother confirmed it.

My advice is don't bother doing anything like this again and perhaps see less of him.
See your mother for coffee out of the house.

Some have the thought process that if they don't see the problem, then it's other people being irrational. So you can have both cognitive and emotional empathy deficits

This is just being an asshole - someone who thinks other people's views and feelings are unimportant and worthless.

Some autistic people are indeed assholes just like some neurotypical people are assholes.

Sorry he’s a dick.
let him sulk!

Yes, but autistic people aren't all the same.

You can be autistic and have other things going on. Not all autistic people are super caring, just like not all neurotypical people are. Some have the thought process that if they don't see the problem, then it's other people being irrational. So you can have both cognitive and emotional empathy deficits to a certain extent working 'in tandem', without necessarily intending to be an arsehole.

Sounds like a right miserable old fart. Did you try mixing it with something? I can't drink red wine on it's own but I love it with orange Fanta.

YANBU. My parents do similar and sometimes bring random bottles when they visit... why chuck out a bottle of wine if someone else might like it?! I'm not offended if it's terrible and they're not offended if I pour it away in front of them if it happens to be terrible (generally pretty unusual, however it does happen... a proportion of their wine collection belonged to my late grandfather who died 8 years ago, so not everything is as drinkable as it once was...).

Same here. It sounds more like a southern type of situation to me. Can't imagine any northern men I know behaving like this