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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU - just lost it over a parent and child space

234 replies

General90 · 13/10/2024 15:25

I feel awful because of my eldest child and it was so out of character for me.

we were going to our local supermarket which is always full of people parking in the child bays without children. Anyway, a car had followed us on the motorway and a roads and had driven like a lunatic, tailgating me and cutting people up. She was in front of me when she pulled into the car park and took the last child space and got out and walked into the shop. My DH was driving so I got out and went in where I proceeded to ask her to move her car and she was aggressive to me so I just lost it and we had an argument in the shop.

my DS didn’t witness me shouting at her but I’d tried to get her attention when she’d parked and so he knew there was an issue.

all the way home he was saying he was worried and asked if the police would arrest her. I feel horrendous that it’s by behaviour that influenced this. I know I should have just left her and found another space.

I am pregnant and hormonal, but didn’t excuse my behaviour.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/10/2024 16:21

General90 · 13/10/2024 15:31

@GoldyHorn yes I am fully aware of this, as I said I already feel horrendous.

How old are your children?

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 13/10/2024 16:20

What do you want from this thread? A good kicking?

YellowAsteroid · 13/10/2024 16:18

Is a parking spot really so important that you started a shouting match in public with a stranger?

Megifer · 13/10/2024 16:17

Donimo · 13/10/2024 16:13

I did a similar thing ages ago. I had my 4 month old twins and 3 year old with me and a man in his 50s on his own pulled into the last parent/child space. Which then meant I had to park the other side of the car park and carry both babies with my toddler holding onto my leg across the carpark to put them in a trolley. (Not easy). Additionally the normal spaces barely open wide enough to open wide enough in order to carry both babies together.

Anyway as I got to the trolleys I noticed this man was only just getting out of his car (looked like he had been finishing off a phone call). So I called him out on it and said "thanks to your selfishness and parking there I've had to struggle with these 3 across the carpark and had to trust my toddler to safely walk with us. Thank you". He completely ignored me, barged past me and walked into the supermarket.

I then proceeded to burst into tears (I had pnd) and hadn't slept for 4 months. A different kind man came up to me and offered to do my shopping for me at this point. (Restoring my faith in human kindness).

BTW I am more than happy to park further away from the door if the parent/child spaces were there. But I need wider spaces in order to get 3 children out the car and a trolley nearby to put them in!

You really should get a buggy or something just in case there are no P&C spaces anyway.

Original poster
General90 · 13/10/2024 16:17

@Donimo gosh I’m sorry to hear your experience. As you say, it’s not the closeness to the shop door it’s the space. But I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. It’s not an excuse and I’m not saying it is, but I’ve been referred to PNMH and am struggling. But shouldn’t have taken it out on this lady, regardless of her response to me.

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 13/10/2024 16:16

My preferred method of shaming the lazy fuckers is to loudly say something along the lines of “I know she hasn’t got a child darling but some people are so bad at parking they need the special big spaces”.

soupfiend · 13/10/2024 16:16

General90 · 13/10/2024 16:09

@soupfiend you are right, and I didn’t think. I don’t know why I acted this way. It wasn’t rational.

Most people have done irrational things like this, have things shoot out of their mouth before they know what it is, acted badly

We are human and flawed

To read many posts on here you wouldnt think it, most peoples shit doesnt stink! And anyone who is flawed or not quite socially able or with the best etiquette or social skills or perhaps they're just a bit stupid are talked about as if they're hitler or something

We're just people, doing our best and sometimes we get it wrong and do something stupid. It hapens.

PruBerry · 13/10/2024 16:15

Your child didn’t see the shouting but plenty will have done in the supermarket

Donimo · 13/10/2024 16:13

I did a similar thing ages ago. I had my 4 month old twins and 3 year old with me and a man in his 50s on his own pulled into the last parent/child space. Which then meant I had to park the other side of the car park and carry both babies with my toddler holding onto my leg across the carpark to put them in a trolley. (Not easy). Additionally the normal spaces barely open wide enough to open wide enough in order to carry both babies together.

Anyway as I got to the trolleys I noticed this man was only just getting out of his car (looked like he had been finishing off a phone call). So I called him out on it and said "thanks to your selfishness and parking there I've had to struggle with these 3 across the carpark and had to trust my toddler to safely walk with us. Thank you". He completely ignored me, barged past me and walked into the supermarket.

I then proceeded to burst into tears (I had pnd) and hadn't slept for 4 months. A different kind man came up to me and offered to do my shopping for me at this point. (Restoring my faith in human kindness).

BTW I am more than happy to park further away from the door if the parent/child spaces were there. But I need wider spaces in order to get 3 children out the car and a trolley nearby to put them in!

Megifer · 13/10/2024 16:12

Oh dear, cringe op.

LadyKenya · 13/10/2024 16:12

Maray1967 · 13/10/2024 15:46

Well I’ll join in because I did have words with two women who had parked in a parent & child space at M & S. I wanted to make them aware of how antisocial their behaviour was. I was polite and calm - but thought it only fair to remind them that not everyone is polite and calm and given that they have a very expensive car it would surely be wise not to antagonise someone who might be less restrained than I was.

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Which sounds rather threatening in itself. There is no law to say that they could not park there.

Original poster
General90 · 13/10/2024 16:09

@soupfiend you are right, and I didn’t think. I don’t know why I acted this way. It wasn’t rational.

OP posts:
soupfiend · 13/10/2024 16:08

DniHnly · 13/10/2024 16:03

The chances of this are vertically 0. Stop being hysterical.

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Virtually

Not completely

And you dont need a knife to cause harm, she could have just turned round and punched OP in the face. Or stomach.

You have no idea if the random stranger you approach and are hostile and aggressive to, is more hostile and aggressive than you, on drugs, MH, just a general arsehole, brain disordered, drunk, all manner of things.

Happierthaneverr · 13/10/2024 16:04

YANBU, sometimes in life you act like a dick and get shot down. That just happened to this other woman.

I also think parent and child spaces are an important provision and they should be exactly where they are, outside the shop. It genuinely surprised me how many people begrudge provisions for parents.

Heresoneimadearlier · 13/10/2024 16:04

Maray1967 · 13/10/2024 15:46

Well I’ll join in because I did have words with two women who had parked in a parent & child space at M & S. I wanted to make them aware of how antisocial their behaviour was. I was polite and calm - but thought it only fair to remind them that not everyone is polite and calm and given that they have a very expensive car it would surely be wise not to antagonise someone who might be less restrained than I was.

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I’m cringing for you, you basically made a veiled threat that someone would damage her car, bet you wouldn’t have done that if it was 2 men, FYI you may have been ‘calm’ you certainly were not polite, all this over a parking space, ridiculous.

Notaflippinclue · 13/10/2024 16:04

Yeeees stand up and be counted - what's the saying - the things you walk past are the things you accept

DniHnly · 13/10/2024 16:03

iamtheblcksheep · 13/10/2024 15:43

I can’t believe you are putting yourself in potential danger when you are pregnant. She could have been a lunatic with a knife.

The chances of this are vertically 0. Stop being hysterical.

DespairCalling · 13/10/2024 16:01

General90 · 13/10/2024 15:52

@DespairCalling it isn’t about the proximity, I’d happily have them the furthest away. It’s about the space to get a baby out.

Fair enough. That would make more sense as it would stop other people nicking those spaces too.

Whammyammy · 13/10/2024 16:00

Dont know why people get so worked up about parent and child spaces.
I had a young couple start to rave at me as i got out of the car. They clearly didn't notice our 2 year grandson in the back and said it's because they couldn't see him as rear windows are dark tint privacy glass and i looked "too old" to have young children.

Why do people like these and op feel the need to self police? They were apologetic and no issue, but every reacts to confrontation differently.

Original poster
General90 · 13/10/2024 15:56

@Everleigh13 thank you, I will do in future and will definitely avoid any confrontation

OP posts:
Original poster
General90 · 13/10/2024 15:56

@SwanRivers because it was so out of character for me and I am overthinking why I may have acted that way. I am deeply ashamed of how I acted

OP posts:
Everleigh13 · 13/10/2024 15:55

It’s ok OP. We’ve all done things we regret. We live and learn. Next time you’ll remember how bad the conflict made you feel and you can just shrug it off and get on with your day.

SwanRivers · 13/10/2024 15:53

I am pregnant and hormonal, but didn’t excuse my behaviour.

Then why mention it?

So many people on MN trying to excuse their poor behaviour because 'hormones'.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/10/2024 15:53

General90 · 13/10/2024 15:50

@soupfiend thank you - yes I will definitely learn from this 100%

@Autumnalfun absolutely i am not looking for any type of praise or a round of applause, quite the contrary. I acted so unreasonably and I shouldn’t have.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thank you. Honestly, I’ve been struggling and have some extra scans tomorrow so think I wasn’t in a good headspace, but not an excuse to act like that to another member of the public.

Hope the scans go OK tomorrow. In the meantime, try to relax and forget about parkingspacegate. It really doesn't matter!

HermoniePotter · 13/10/2024 15:53

I actually think they should have parent and child spaces away from the store, with a rack of trolley there for aforementioned parents to decant children into and a path to walk to the store avoiding walking through cars.

I’ve said this for years too, it makes so much sense.