To announce pregnancy at birthday party

I don’t know what some people are thinking I mean by “announce” - I get the vibe some are imagining some kind of very self-centred type thing that you’d expect from some kind of social media influencer or something - that’s nothing like what we have in mind. It would be done very much in the context of a “special gift” for her
Even that's all rather unnecessary. Just pick up the phone and tell her now. It's exciting news, just share it as its own thing. It doesn't need fancy packaging or special timing.

Then you also have dilemma. At the party you can just tell people if it comes up in conversation. No fuss, just being normal adults.

Yes it’s rude and narcissistic to hijack her milestone birthday and make it about you. This is huge life-changing news for you and your DH but for anyone else it’s just news and it can wait.

“I do know a few women who seem to hellbent on not "losing their identity", who talk like you. I guess they find motherhood hard or they're going through a hard time otherwise.”

Jesus, please read this back to yourself. Respectfully, you’re a few weeks in (with first child I am assuming?). It’s a bit early to think you won’t be one of the ones who find motherhood hard.. Hopefully you won’t, but I think we all do at some stage depending on what’s going on. For some it might be early days if they have a fussy baby. For others at toddler stage if they are very active. I too was a smug arsehole who didn’t really find it hard until my second child (VERY placid calm first child who slept well) 😅 Well I absolutely cringe when I think back, I must have seemed so smug! And yes I do now value any time I get that’s not being a mum. And I don’t feel guilty about it.

Please don't do this @MyJollyLion It's your Mum's special day. Please tell your Mum either a few days before the party or a couple of days after. It will be 'her' day and to announce it to everyone like that will take some of the attention away from her

If she knows and is happy to tell people at the party, that is one thing, but don't YOU do it then. The choice is then hers

If you want to surprise her I think it would be lovely for you to see her the day after, and say she forgot a card.
Give her a Happy Birthday Grandma one with something soppy written inside.
That way you get to give her a lovely surprise and share the moment together rather than with umpteen other people.

Congratulations by the way 😁

This. Why does your pregnancy need an announcement at all?

Announce it to your mum first and see how she feels about using her party to announce to the rest of the family.

I would LOVE to be a grandma one day so would be happy if my child announced this. Its not random or diverting as becoming a grandmother would directly be about me (as well as my kid but they are a part of me).

If it was a random friend, distant cousin, co-worker etc... then it would seem like they where trying to steal attention and be cringey.

Congratulations OP 💖 that’s lovely news.

God this thread is weird. People really feel they’d lose their identity if their birthday had some extra happy news?! Thankful I don’t know anyone this self absorbed and needy.

"I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something."

You know damned fine well that it is poor form!

Ooh this too! Didn’t think about this but my mum definitely appreciated being one of the first to be told :)

And with all due respect if you have a new born, you don’t really get it the point of view of letting one day be about a person, rather than their role as a mother or grandmother.

And it’s really rude to start speculating about whether people are finding parenting hard or not or commenting on how you don’t. It’s a long road. Telling people how you don’t struggle and XYZ could never happen to you, when you are only a few weeks in is exceptionally arrogant.

Even better if there is a family WhatsApp group and just get it out there, preferable a few days before the party.

Apart from anything else, I think your mum deserves to find out 1-1, to feel that you've told her specially. Not that she hears it at the same time as a bunch of randoms (well maybe not quite, but...) some of whom may have little to do with you.

You can give her the lovely surprise without making a big announcement at her party.

I wouldn’t. Tell her in person if you can, or WhatsApp before hand. Before the party if you think people will notice you’re not drinking and then you can openly talk about it 😂

But you are.

Because you think becoming a grandmother, again, should over ride any other feelings anyone else has about the situation.

@itwasnevermine their identities are not "reduced" to being a mother or grandmother, that's a strange and frankly sad view. For most women, who are happy with their lives, it enriches and adds to their lives and it's something to celebrate. My mum is NOT JUST a grandma but ALSO a grandma. And that is something most people will want to acknowledge and celebrate. A new grand baby in the family is something lovely. And something grandmas AND grandpas are usually over the moon about!

I do know a few women who seem to hellbent on not "losing their identity", who talk like you. I guess they find motherhood hard or they're going through a hard time otherwise. I have a good career and lots of accomplishments. Now I have a newborn, my life revolves around my baby (and so does my mum's who is absolutely obsessed with him!!!). No one has been reduced to anything, but celebrating and enjoying a new stage of life.

Again, I understand at 18 you would have resented such an announcement and your sister miscalculated that. But at 60, an announcement about your grand baby is totally totally different.

This sort of passive aggressive comment is very childish. And wrong.

I am looking at the point of view, of other people. As in, should I make my mums birthday party about me or let her have a few hours where it’s about her. And if my sibling decided to to make my mums party about them I would think it was a bit shit of them. Because I think my mum, just a for a few hours should come first. Not about myself. Especially when she announcement can be made at any time.

I am not thinking ‘oh I wouldn’t like someone doing it at my birthday’

You are the one equating it to yourself and it’s being your event. Not everyone else is.

I don't think many of the posters know what it's like to put others before yourself either.

Oh I'm sure they do.

But if OP is really thinking about her mother, why not do her the courtesy of telling her first. then if her DM wants to share the news at her party, fine.

I wouldn't be happy about it as it's making her birthday celebrations all about you. Unless you tell your mum before the party and get her consent to tell people late on in the party after cake etc then don't do it.

It’s rude. Even if your mum was fine with it, other family members might see it as a bit of attention seeking.

@AuldSpookySewers

Well said. I'm getting married soon and be delighted if either on the unmarried (adult) children announced their engagement or any of them announced pregnancies at the reception. It's just not a big deal to me that they are piggybacking on my event because it's the only time we'll all be together. I don't think many of the posters know what it's like to put others before yourself either.