To announce pregnancy at birthday party

It's great you're considering your mum's feelings. TBH none of us know what she'll feel about it.

She might want one day for herself, or she might be over the moon and want to tell the world.

The right thing to do IMO is to tell your mum in advance, which should be lovely in itself as it sounds like she'll be delighted.

Then ask her if she wants you / her to announce it at the party or if she thinks it best to do it a different time. Then you're giving her the choice and putting her feelings first.

Oh and, congratulations!

Are you as rude as this in real life?

We had a similar situation. We told grandma about her first grandchild on the way privately a week before. She then said she wanted to announce the pregnancy herself at her milestone birthday ❤It was lovely.

'For older generation who may not have had a chance at a career etc and are more family focused '

Gosh ! I thought this was going to be a 50th or maybe 60th big birthday, not a 80th or 90th...

you do know that people in their 60's went to university and had careers, don't you...

Unless anyone is following the OP round all night how will they know what she is or isn't drinking. Its not rocket science to be able avoid actually drinking any alcohol at a party.

Why would the mum make a thing of it?

@MyJollyLion Regarding the following:

"I don’t know what some people are thinking I mean by “announce” - I get the vibe some are imagining some kind of very self-centred type thing that you’d expect from some kind of social media influencer or something - that’s nothing like what we have in mind. It would be done very much in the context of a “special gift” for her"

I really think this will just make the focus of your mum's party on you, as the family will be all excited and fussing over you. You obviously care a lot about your mum, so while I'm sure she will be thrilled for you, I do think it's best to tell her before the party.

Not trying to be mean, just stating my thoughts as you asked for them. Congratulations on your pregnancy x

Also I had a family member announce her pregnancy at her brothers wedding. It was the day before the wedding and not on the big day but it still shifted the focus and attention of the weekend to her and away from her brother and his new wife, which wasn’t very nice. She could have at least waited until after the wedding day at least.

So selfish

It’s poor form to announce a pregnancy/ engagement etc at an event celebrating someone else. Even if you do it in conversation and not to the whole room it still shifts the attention and celebration from the person who the event is for. Your pregnancy will be what the event is remembered for, not your mums birthday.
i get that you are excited after TTC for so long, and I’m sure your family will be thrilled for you, but you also need to let your mum have her day too, as she will only be this milestone birthday once.

@Whaleandsnail6 and @Dotto have it just right. Tell your mum before her birthday, then if she wants to celebrate the news of another grandchild in the family then she can share it.

However I would add that the temptation to make it very obvious, "oh, no I'm not drinking today, but I can't tell you why...😉" will be strong. I've witnessed this fuckery so pleased don't give in to that. Congratulations to you though.

I had a distant family member announce her pregnancy at my dad's funeral as she wanted to make it a 'happy day'. She's very lucky I didn't punch her. Believe me, there was nothing on this earth that would have made my dad's funeral a happy day.

Moral of the story... there's a time and place to announce your pregnancy.

Tell your mum before the party - I'm sure she'll be delighted at your news. Enjoy giving her your news and then let her decide if she'd like to announce the news at her birthday party or whether she's happy for you to do it.

Either way... congratulations OP. Exciting times for you!!

Brilliant post. I assume that PILs will be at party too so all hear at same time.
I have the feeling that the announcement would bring exceptional happiness to your mum at her party but I am only assuming. You know your mum best.
I certainly wouldn't see it as stealing the show from your mum, it would be more like 'icing on cake'.
Trust your instincts OP and CONGRATULATIONS

For the love of god, don't make an announcement. I'm not even going to comment on framing it as a "special gift" but you don't need to stand on stage and tell the entire party in this way. Tell your mum, tell your relatives in convo, but don't make this into anything more than it is. I know it's hard to hear but people don't really care that much about your pregnancy and as much as you say your mother loves being a grandmother just allow her one day where she is being celebrated and is just her.

Yabu. You don't announce it at her party. What you could do is mention it to her and see what she wants to do. .

No, I think tell her on her actual birthday (if on different day) or maybe before or after the party? As surely you want to also tell her first before everyone else?

I'm not saying you're like this by any means, but my estranged BIL & wife announced a pregnancy at other BIL's kids birthday party once...was very awkward as it totally looked like the limelight (in their case, it was likely an intentional attempt to do so!) and trying to take the focus off the little girls whose birthday it was

But remember her identity is about caring for others 🙄

Tell her with a special gift in private, don’t make her party about yourself and your baby.

Oh absolutely not.

Tell her (and your dad) separately before the party, mentioning that you wanted tell her/them first now that you’re done keeping it secret. She can choose whether to talk about it at the party or not. If she doesn’t bring it up at the party then you shouldn’t either.

I would tell mum first and then let her decide. I'm sure she'll be thrilled either way but she'll feel extra special knowing she's the first to know!

You could tell your mum privately at her party . She will almost certainly be delighted but there’s no need for everyone to know .

Can your mum not have 1 day just for her?

It would be done very much in the context of a “special gift” for her

Oh come on.

Your Mum already has grandchildren and a great grandchild.

She must be at least 70 or even 80.

(In my social circle most great grannies are over 90 as all the women had their children at 30-ish or older.)

You're not giving your mum a 'gift' on her birthday by telling her then.

You risk embarrassing her, and her guests who may think you're a prima donna trying to steal the show.

No not at all. You should tell her before and privately. She shouldn't find out with other friends and family at her own party.

I'm with the 89% <--- such a high % telling you something, ought to influence you, if you are genuinely asking the question for opinions?

Ywould beVery Unreasonable to do this at your mum's party.

Clue - it is your Mum's party, not yours.

For older generation who may not have had a chance at a career etc and are more family focused I think this is not unusual.

Unless your Mum's 'milestone birthday' is her 110th birthday, then this is rubbish. I have know plenty of people born in the 1920s and early 1930s who had careers.

Don't do that. It's not about you.