To announce pregnancy at birthday party

My SIL gave her mother a ‘Happy Birthday, Granny!’ card with a scan photo inside and her mother, famously in family legend, glanced vaguely at the scan before crumpling it up with the envelope and chucking them in the recycling bin alongside, while chatting about something, and put the card on the kitchen mantelpiece without apparently noticing the front. SIL, overwrought and hormonal (first baby after several losses), dashed from the room in tears. MIL, when brought to book by her other daughter, said indignantly ‘Well, how was I supposed to know? I’m already a granny!’

I say this just to get anyone planning this kind of ‘reveal’ to think about whether they have averagely observant parents.

It's not about your mum being offended by the announcement,
but more you making her day about you.

Like others have said, you could tell her before as it would also seem like you'd withheld it just so you can have your momemt on her day.

Goes for rest of the family who'll be there to celebrate her. Don't assume everyone will be happy for you to announce it, especially if others have contributed to the birthday.

I've seen it happen with siblings for an engagement announced at a birthday party.

You are rightly overjoyed to be parents to be, but don't assume everyone feels the same as unfortunately people are complicated.

I think giving her a card or small wrapped gift beforehand (either the scan image or a 'Grandma'-themed item) would be even better, if you can manage to see her even just shortly before others arrive, if not the day or two before. 'Just an early birthday gift for you... I couldn't wait to give it to you!'

I don't think there would be a problem with telling her at the party, either, but this avoids the issue entirely and is still a sweet moment combining her birthday and your news.

Tell your DM the day before and then if she chooses to she can announce it at the party. You announcing it would be poor form.

Congratulationson your pregnancy! * *

I would say this was the way to do it . Congratulations!

As a grandmother , if you are able to give her a birthday card with a scan photo in so she opens it on the morning of her birthday it would be fantastic even better if you both could be there when she opens it and then you could ask does she mind you announcing it at the party later. Congratulations both 💐

I agree with this poster. I was about to vote YABU when I saw the title to the post, but when I read that it’s your first child, and your Mum’s birthday (not a friend or a sibling), I think she is unlikely to be anything other than thrilled for you and it will be the icing on the cake (as it were!). Is your Dad in the picture? If so you could run it past him first to get his view?

This. It's her celebration.

hi op,

I get it. You want to give her your good news as a present and that is lovely! But what you will also achieve is to have everyone litterally having to congratulate you…so taking the focus of the person you wanted to honor.

Please tell her just before and tell all the others after 🌺

and CONGRATS!!

It's your Mum's big day not yours. Tell your Mum the day after her birthday. Don't take the focus off of her on her birthday.

Ask your mum what she thinks.

Announce your pregnancy ? Are you having a royal baby? Have you not learnt anything from the Mumsnet threads? No-one else is ever going to be excited about your baby news as you are! As a general rule it’s bad form to draw attention to yourself when the day is about someone else no matter how thrilled you think she is going to be! Like you said already had grandkids and great grandkids!

I wouldn't tell your mum at the same time as everyone else, her party or not.
Tell her first. It's a big deal!
Congratulations!

Are you completely sure that no one in the family is having fertility issues? I’d personally find it very hard to hear news like this out of nowhere when I was expecting to celebrate something else. If someone in your immediate family is struggling then it might spoil their mums (or aunt or cousins) birthday party for them.. just a thought.

If you do it, make sure your mum knows and is on board first.

Wishing you all the vest. O would give your mum a copy of the s a a d leave it up to her to announce it.if she wants to

Please don't! Let her have her celebration to herself. Congratulations though!

Im sorry but no. Why would you do that?

Sorry but I’m going to go against everybody else and say go for it. If I was your mum I would absolutely love to have this announcement on my birthday. It would be a perfect birthday present! 🎁

This. My much-missed Mum felt it was her wee present and it was lovely

Why don't you share the news with her, which she will love, and ask her permission to share it at the occasion?

When I found out, it was just before Christmas so I gave everyone an extra Christmas card from the baby so I could tell them all at once. How about a birthday card from baby, so it's a nice birthday surprise for her as you already know she'll be pleased, but it won't upstage the party?

We don't know how old she is.

If she's only 60 the women/daughters/OP have had babies young.

My gran, my mum, me and my DD were all 30ish when we had our first so to be a great gran you'd be 90+.

I would think of it this way... telling her before the party means she then has two lovely things happening to her in the space of a day or two. I wouldn't jumble them up in one (potentially if alcohol is involved) hazy night

IMO this is just as bad taste as announcing your engagement or pregnancy at someone elses wedding.
This is a party to celebrate your mother, and a milestone in her life.

The arguement that "everyone is together so will find out/celebrate together" isn't a good or respectable one, they're gathered to celebrate something important and significant for someone else, to announce a significant event of your own is plain hijacking.

Yes, you're excited, but this is a far bigger deal to you than everyone else, some people can get very blinkered and selfish.

I am utterly baffled about your statement about announcing your pregnancy as a ‘special gift’ for your mother. That’s so funny and possibly the most self-obsessed thing I’ve read on here.

OP, your kid isn’t next in line for the throne. No one wants to hear an ‘announcement’ and it’s certainly not a ‘special gift’ for anyone else. It’s nice news for you and and your husband and…that’s about it? Catch on a bit - the world doesn’t revolve around you. Let your mother have her day.