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Original poster

To announce pregnancy at birthday party

364 replies

MyJollyLion · 13/10/2024 15:01

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

OP posts:
Strawberrryfields · 13/10/2024 16:21

@itwasnevermine its not making it all about her. For me the pregnancy is exciting and happy news for the whole family not just the parents to be. It sounds like she wants to tell her mum on her birthday because she knows it would make her mums day.

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:19

Rarebitten · 13/10/2024 16:18

And some aren’t. My parents both sat in total silence, as if the end of the world had just been announced (they are in fact now very nice grandparents to my DS, their only grandchild, but you would have thought I was announcing an accidental pregnancy as a 15 year old rather than as a married 39 year old professional who’d planned it) and my MIL (mother of five, grandmother to ten) just said ‘An only is a lonely!’ My FIL took one look at our faces and said ‘Congratulations !’

So if I’d been expecting pure joy, sunshine, dancing with delight, and that it would enhance any of these grandparents’ significant birthdays, I’d have been badly let down.

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Your parents don’t sound anything like the OPs.

hughiedoesntfight · 13/10/2024 16:19

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:16

So why the issue about doing it then? If you know she’ll be thrilled at the news. It’s such a lovely birthday surprise

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Is it not lovely if she finds out the day before?

it’s not about being thrilled to find out your child is having a child.

It’s been explained to you several times. It’s still very much making the party about the Op. Which I think is rude.

Why would it bother so much for a woman to just have one day that’s about her?

Elizo · 13/10/2024 16:19

Tell her before. Otherwise the party is diverted to your celebration.

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:18

Do people on this thread genuinely wake up on their birthdays and expect the whole day to be about them?

Do they also expect everyone around them to suddenly think if them as women and not mums/grandmothers?… You know you can be all those things together?

Rarebitten · 13/10/2024 16:18

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:11

Surely many grandmothers are thrilled to find out that they are going to be a grandparent, regardless of how many grandchildren they already have.

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And some aren’t. My parents both sat in total silence, as if the end of the world had just been announced (they are in fact now very nice grandparents to my DS, their only grandchild, but you would have thought I was announcing an accidental pregnancy as a 15 year old rather than as a married 39 year old professional who’d planned it) and my MIL (mother of five, grandmother to ten) just said ‘An only is a lonely!’ My FIL took one look at our faces and said ‘Congratulations !’

So if I’d been expecting pure joy, sunshine, dancing with delight, and that it would enhance any of these grandparents’ significant birthdays, I’d have been badly let down.

itwasnevermine · 13/10/2024 16:18

@Humphreyshead but it's not her only identity. She is herself first and foremost and maybe she would appreciate a day about her, rather than a day about her as a grandmother?

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:17

itwasnevermine · 13/10/2024 16:15

@Humphreyshead but it does. It becomes about her being a grandmother again, rather than her being her.

But that’s part of who she is.

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:16

hughiedoesntfight · 13/10/2024 16:14

Who said she wouldn't be thrilled?

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So why the issue about doing it then? If you know she’ll be thrilled at the news. It’s such a lovely birthday surprise

Bigearringsbigsmile · 13/10/2024 16:16

Don't do it. .tell her beforehand.
The party is about her not you

itwasnevermine · 13/10/2024 16:16

Strawberrryfields · 13/10/2024 16:15

@itwasnevermine an 18yo sister relationship and a 60/70 yo and their daughter is quite different. I can’t imagine feeling upstaged by my own daughter, seems very petty and immature.

It's petty and immature to make your mum's day about you.

itwasnevermine · 13/10/2024 16:15

@Humphreyshead but it does. It becomes about her being a grandmother again, rather than her being her.

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 16:15

Would i be right in thinking that you have just found out your pregnant and this party isn’t for many weeks away?

Fundays12 · 13/10/2024 16:15

No it's really rude let her have hrt special birthday. You could always make it even more exciting and tell her in advance then she has even more reason to smile.

Strawberrryfields · 13/10/2024 16:15

@itwasnevermine an 18yo sister relationship and a 60/70 yo and their daughter is quite different. I can’t imagine feeling upstaged by my own daughter, seems very petty and immature.

hughiedoesntfight · 13/10/2024 16:14

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:11

Surely many grandmothers are thrilled to find out that they are going to be a grandparent, regardless of how many grandchildren they already have.

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Who said she wouldn't be thrilled?

Coconutter24 · 13/10/2024 16:14

If you were to have a baby shower would you be happy someone bringing a birthday cake and letting everyone know it’s their birthday?

I wouldn’t announce it at the party because the party is about your mum not you. Why not surprise her beforehand and then ask if you can announce it at the party for family if you really want to let them all know in person. She will either say yes or no but then at least you don’t run the risk of upsetting anyone (I’m sure you won’t but still it’s your mums party)

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:14

YOYOK · 13/10/2024 16:12

Absolutely. But why need to “announce it”? They could tell her whenever.

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Because it would make a lovely birthday surprise

Hellskitchen24 · 13/10/2024 16:14

Your mum is a great grandmother so I’m assuming it’s her 70th? Why not tell her before her party, that would be a lovely surprise. Then tell others separately. I would not be announcing on her special day.

Rubyandscarlett · 13/10/2024 16:14

BeautyPageantDropout · 13/10/2024 15:25

I'm assuming it's her 60th or 70th? I can't imagine getting to that point in life and feeling 'upstaged' by good news. Confused

I'd have thought it would just add to celebratory mood of the day, but others seem to think differently!

I agree!!

Pickled21 · 13/10/2024 16:14

I remember reading a very similar.post to this. The consensus then was that it is rude.and I still agree. My parents would be overjoyed but then they dont take birthdays too seriously. Is there a reason you can't telephone your mum, do a videocall or if you live close enough just pop over?

Rubyandscarlett · 13/10/2024 16:13

My auntie had a big party when l was just pregnant - l got just our family together and made a small announcement - everyone was thrilled - 1st baby in the family for about 30 years and l think when people are in their 60's and 70's they don't care about it being all about them. Weddings are different of course, that would be bad form.

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:13

itwasnevermine · 13/10/2024 16:11

@Humphreyshead I think it's pathetic that women are having their identities reduced down to mother and grandmother. By default her own existence is being erased because she's moved into another role - she must be happy to be grandma again.

OP can wait, or tell her before the party. But to make a grand announcement at the party just shows she's juvenile and needs all attention to be on her.

She can still enjoy her birthday! This announcement doesn’t diminish her as an individual woman.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 13/10/2024 16:13

BeautyPageantDropout · 13/10/2024 15:25

I'm assuming it's her 60th or 70th? I can't imagine getting to that point in life and feeling 'upstaged' by good news. Confused

I'd have thought it would just add to celebratory mood of the day, but others seem to think differently!

💯 % 👍

YOYOK · 13/10/2024 16:12

Humphreyshead · 13/10/2024 16:11

Surely many grandmothers are thrilled to find out that they are going to be a grandparent, regardless of how many grandchildren they already have.

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Absolutely. But why need to “announce it”? They could tell her whenever.