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So angry!!! My Mother ruins kids birthdays every year!!!! am I sensitive? This is not normal is it?

343 replies

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 13:43

my kid has been bullied and has no friends. Mum knows this. Every year the party is just her and us family. Yesterday, I said my maya and jack (my collegues) just texted happy birthday to you. My daughter says thank you, aww that’s so nice, they remember every year” She goes “wait really? They did? Haha I’m so shocked. I thought no one cared about your birthday other than me” “I thought I was the only wishing you a happy birthday year year” “lmao”

my daughter looked visibly upset after this. Even if this is true, was this necessary to say out loud?

The year before that, at my cousins sweet 16: “did you guys know my uncle died sitting on the toilet? Ewww I would not want to die sitting on the toilet” “with his pants, underwear down and everything” while we eating cake

Last year, when we are at our nephews birthday dinner party, eating cake in a good mood, celebrating, she starts out of no where talking about funerals and burials! “Oh I really want to put up a nice gravestone for my parents. Funerals are so expensive nowadays. I’m saving for my funeral btw, I would not want to be cremated” when I say “mom! Stop, This is inappropriate” She goes “oh cmon it’s only natural”

when I bring up what she said every year and how it’s upsetting, she says “omg, did I really say that???” I don’t even remember saying that, wtf is wrong with me, I must be losing my mind”, but does the same thing every year over and over again

my cousin got a terrible diagnosis that makes her unable to stand and move. On her birthday, we try to cheer her up, tell her it’s going to be ok. She says she will look for a different job where she can sit, after treatment. mom goes “who tf would want to hire you now?? You are a liability. Dead weight. useless. Worthless. No one”

again, even if true, why the tf would you say this out loud and like this?

the year before that, insists she will buy party food for my son. I give her a list. She buys only 2 small things on the list, and instead of buying a cake my sons wants, she buys a cake my son hates and my daughter is allergic to and puts it on his table. A cake she loves. When I ask her why would buy yourself a cake on his birthday, a cake he hates? She goes am I not allowed to buy a cake I love? (Why on his birthday thought?)Then goes on how she is too broke to buy party food. And how she has no money. Then, when my son is gifted an expensive cake and a box full of sweets by my husband, I go the kitchen to get them, they are gone!!! She ate the whole cake and the whole box of chocolates by herself!!!! Didn’t even leave him a piece or one chocolate! Am I sensitive or is this rude behavior??

my sons birthday 5 years ago. I’m busy with his party. I’ve been doing/helping mom with a very long year long extremely stressful project. She brings it up on his birthday. I say, “i need a break please, don’t want to talk about this now” she pretends she can’t hear me and goes on. I repeat again, “I don’t want to talk about this now, I’m very stressed, let me celebrate my sons birthday, tomorrow please” she again, pretends she can’t hear me. And keeps talking and showing me pictures while I’m running around decorating. I say “why are you ignoring what I just said??? I said NOT NOW PLEASE” She AGAIN pretends she can’t hear me, goes on shoving photos and documents in my face. I get mad and lose my temper and shout “wtf did I just say, what is wrong you??? She leaves, then bursts into tears at son’s party saying your mum screamed at me.

what she said to my daughter is the last straw, I warned her not to say anything inappropriate this year. She promised she would watch her mouth. Am I sensitive??? Or would it be right to never invite her again?

OP posts:
Gymornogym · 13/10/2024 15:27

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:25

She was cast out. No one in my family talks to her after this. Even though right after she said it she said “omg what tf did I just say, I’m such a stupid idiot. I must be losing my mind, I’m so sorry, wtf is wrong with me, I didn’t mean it, you are so talented and hardworking, any boss will be so lucky to have you, don’t listen to me, I’m just jealous of how successful you are” she says she had too much to drink.

she keeps begging for forgiveness but no one than me and my kids talk to her now.

Edited

I thought she didn’t drink though

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:26

The Op really doesn’t want to tell us how hold her children are does she?!

Nor whether she has a partner witnessing this

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:25

ttcat37 · 13/10/2024 15:19

“who tf would want to hire you now?? You are a liability. Dead weight. useless. Worthless. No one”

Of course she said this to her physically disabled niece, of course she did…
I'm calling bullshit on this one. Nobody says this kind of shit and doesn’t get cast out by the whole family.

She was cast out. No one in my family talks to her after this. Even though right after she said it she said “omg what tf did I just say, I’m such a stupid idiot. I must be losing my mind, I’m so sorry, wtf is wrong with me, I didn’t mean it, you are so talented and hardworking, any boss will be so lucky to have you, don’t listen to me, I’m just jealous of how successful you are” she says she had too much to drink.

she keeps begging for forgiveness but no one than me and my kids talk to her now.

OP posts:
thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:24

5128gap · 13/10/2024 15:21

I doubt it. Most people grow up with enough sense to see the big picture. Very few would be so keen to embrace victimhood that they would allow some unpleasant remarks from their grandmother on their birthday to define their childhood, and cause them to reject a good and loving mother.

that is quite a take on what the OP has said has been going on for a “few years”

DollyPartonsLeftnip · 13/10/2024 15:23

@Mememeandmeagain If she's as bad as you say she is (and I don't doubt it for a second), then on their birthdays next time, tell her you're not celebrating them on the actual day of their birthday (make up a reason) and she hopefully won't come around that day, party in secret, so she won't spoil it? Is that do-able do you think? Or does she just drop by when she pleases making this a harder secret to keep? Worth a try, I suppose? Huge hugs to you, not a pleasant situation for you all. xo

5128gap · 13/10/2024 15:21

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 14:52

Well, we can safely say that your kids will one day look back and wonder how their mum could do this to them. And maybe they will be strong enough to go NC with you and break the circle.

I doubt it. Most people grow up with enough sense to see the big picture. Very few would be so keen to embrace victimhood that they would allow some unpleasant remarks from their grandmother on their birthday to define their childhood, and cause them to reject a good and loving mother.

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 13/10/2024 15:20

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:01

I didn’t want to invite her. after She goes behind my back, crying to my kids and manipulating them, they then Insist I invite her “grandma is sick, she swears it’ll never happen again and begged for forgiveness, we are too sensitive, if we don’t invite her it’ll kill her”

but you are right. I need to end this now.

IL gate crashed our holiday for a few years reached point DH had enough - so we went else where. MIL got youngest alone and did a whole you'll hate it without me and I'll be upset routine.

When DD2 repeated it back - I reassured her - MIL and FIL did lots of holidays a years - she see them later that summer - and that we'd have a great time. Also told DH who was annoyed - but he kept on how much fun we'd have. We went had a great time. IL managed a holiday there first and became experts despite me having been there many times - this just annoyed me and less extent DH but didn't affect kids and I just ignored.

She didn't do it again as it didn't work.

ttcat37 · 13/10/2024 15:19

“who tf would want to hire you now?? You are a liability. Dead weight. useless. Worthless. No one”

Of course she said this to her physically disabled niece, of course she did…
I'm calling bullshit on this one. Nobody says this kind of shit and doesn’t get cast out by the whole family.

wickerlady · 13/10/2024 15:17

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sadeightiesthrowback · 13/10/2024 15:17

You are under-reacting, not over-reacting. Get this manipulative terror out of your kid's lives. Do you want them to grow up listening to her lies and threats and honestly, wickedness, the way you did? Surround them with decent people who truly LOVE your kids. This person does not love your children.
Geez, if you're coming on MN to ask, please consider taking the advice given. You can always maintain a relationship with her quite separately if you must. Do it for your kids.

NiftyKoala · 13/10/2024 15:16

You can't trust her to behave. She's had zero consequences. She's clearly and attention seeker the best thing to do is cut her out of invitations. Then it might click in her to stop. You seriously cannot let this go on. What she said to your dd was very hurtful. Don't let your children be hurt by her anymore.

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:15

SpidersAreShitheads · 13/10/2024 15:10

I’m also struggling with this a bit.

Your DM managed to go into the kitchen and eat an entire birthday cake plus a whole box of chocolates without anyone seeing? You’ve said it was only your DC and DM there, how did she manage that??

Setting that aside, you’re prioritising your DM’s feelings over your DC’s well being. If the facts are as presented, then you need to stop exposing your DC to this. If you know what she’s like, then why are you trusting her with important things like your child’s birthday cake? If she has this long history of being unpleasant to you, and in recent years to other people too, then it’s absolute insanity to give her the opportunity to ruin everything.

Your DC may feel sorry for her but your job is to protect them.

This was my sons birthday. We were out celebrating with his friends, she stayed home because “she wasn’t feeling well”. We come home, and see no cake and no sweets

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 13/10/2024 15:13

It can be hard to make friends If one is perceived as in any way “Different “ to the pack.

Kids are like pack animals, there is a dominant hierarchy, and any kid who doesn’t arse lick 👅 or kowtow can find themselves on the periphery.

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 15:13

SpidersAreShitheads · 13/10/2024 15:10

I’m also struggling with this a bit.

Your DM managed to go into the kitchen and eat an entire birthday cake plus a whole box of chocolates without anyone seeing? You’ve said it was only your DC and DM there, how did she manage that??

Setting that aside, you’re prioritising your DM’s feelings over your DC’s well being. If the facts are as presented, then you need to stop exposing your DC to this. If you know what she’s like, then why are you trusting her with important things like your child’s birthday cake? If she has this long history of being unpleasant to you, and in recent years to other people too, then it’s absolute insanity to give her the opportunity to ruin everything.

Your DC may feel sorry for her but your job is to protect them.

I’d check the bin for the cake.

Seasmoke · 13/10/2024 15:12

Once someone ate my childs cake and chocolates at their own birthday party that would be it. My family havent been invited to my kids birthdays after they were about toddler age. They come round afterwards if they can, call on the day and send cards and presents. How old are your kids that she can contact them without going through you? How will they feel when they are older and realise their grandmother ruined all their birthdays, was rude and their mother did nothing and just let her turn up the next year to do the same thing?

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 15:12

thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 15:10

That's a bit harsh. There are nicer ways to convince the OP to cut her toxic mother out of their lives. Her mother has done this to her since childhood so she is also a victim.

She is. But she is also a parent and can not allow her mother to abuse her children. It’s her job as a parent. Don’t you think?

thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 15:10

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 14:52

Well, we can safely say that your kids will one day look back and wonder how their mum could do this to them. And maybe they will be strong enough to go NC with you and break the circle.

That's a bit harsh. There are nicer ways to convince the OP to cut her toxic mother out of their lives. Her mother has done this to her since childhood so she is also a victim.

SpidersAreShitheads · 13/10/2024 15:10

5128gap · 13/10/2024 14:38

Saying bizarre and inappropriate things then claiming to have no memory of them..? Does she drink? Though when you add to that the ability to eat an entire birthday cake and a whole box of sweets by herself in the middle of a party, it suggests some other physical or mental health condition, as very few people would have the desire to do that. Or ability without being very ill.

I’m also struggling with this a bit.

Your DM managed to go into the kitchen and eat an entire birthday cake plus a whole box of chocolates without anyone seeing? You’ve said it was only your DC and DM there, how did she manage that??

Setting that aside, you’re prioritising your DM’s feelings over your DC’s well being. If the facts are as presented, then you need to stop exposing your DC to this. If you know what she’s like, then why are you trusting her with important things like your child’s birthday cake? If she has this long history of being unpleasant to you, and in recent years to other people too, then it’s absolute insanity to give her the opportunity to ruin everything.

Your DC may feel sorry for her but your job is to protect them.

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 15:10

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:01

I didn’t want to invite her. after She goes behind my back, crying to my kids and manipulating them, they then Insist I invite her “grandma is sick, she swears it’ll never happen again and begged for forgiveness, we are too sensitive, if we don’t invite her it’ll kill her”

but you are right. I need to end this now.

She should not be able to contact them. It’s your job when you know full well she is manipulating them saying she will die if they don’t invite her. Put a stop to it.

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:09

do. you. have. a. partner?!

how old are the children?

why are you avoiding these questions?

BlackToes · 13/10/2024 15:08

Stop inviting her. Ask her to join you for a meal the following day.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 15:07

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:50

Growing up she would always tell me how extremely sensitive I am if I were upset at her rude comments or behavior. Call me crazy. Would say I have a mental illness because it’s not normal to get upset like this over nothing. Threaten to take me to a doctor and put me on medication and antidepressants if I react like this.

I guess thats why I still keep thinking if I’m overreacting

You are under-reacting if anything. If anyone was deliberately mean to my kids, I would cut them out of my life.

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:05

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:02

Have you at least give. another school a go?

Do you have a partner?

How old are your children?

Yes we moved schools. Where she struggles making friends

OP posts:
Usnone · 13/10/2024 15:05

You're not overreacting. She's an attention-seeking arsehole with no empathy. Nasty baggage. Tell her to fuck off for good. You've given her more than enough chances but she simply doesn't give a shiny shit about anyone but herself.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 15:04

Jellybeanbag · 13/10/2024 14:26

Are you sure this all actually happened? 🤔

Are you accusing the OP of lying? If you don't think this is genuine, report the threat instead of making snarky comments.