To not be sure about getting married

I’m a divorced Christian. Don’t do it ….

You can’t marry someone who seems to you lazy selfish and greedy. Not far to yourself or to him actually.

It'll be awkward and not terribly pleasant to call off the wedding and move on from this man without a doubt, but the level of discomfort you'll feel will be a walk in the park compared to years married to him. You know it isn't right, don't make a HUGE mistake knowingly to try to right a wrong that isn't even wrong (and nobody cares anyway). It's in your and your child's best interests to step away from a person who is unwilling to put any effort into their relationships.

You said: DP is lazy, selfish and greedy. He is constantly on his phone (playing games etc), only thinking about what he wants to do, can’t do the simplest of tasks that I leave him to do when I go out alone with DS (because he doesn’t want to come) and I’m scared that he will never be able to change. He won't change because he doesn't want to change! He's self-centred and self-indulgent and when he does do as he pleases and sod the rest of you, you'll seethe and burn with resentment. Why sign up for that?!

Believe me, if you are dreading getting married, you shouldn't be getting married.

A man like this got my friend pregnant and moved away so that she would have to come with him because of the "shame" AND be isolated from her family.

Shame on you if you marry this dead weight as he will be hanging round your neck for ever!!

Don't do it if you value you or your son's life. Also is he on the birth certificate as he will be a very bad influence on your innocent son.

You know what to do in your gut. Ignore it at your peril xxxxxx

Please split up with him. You can do so much better, and deserve to. And it would be no way to bring up your DS.

He will never, ever change. In fact, once you "belong" to him as his wife he will get much worse. You really don't want your son to grow up thinking this is how men behave towards women do you? You've given it a try and looked after your partner during very difficult times. If God judges anyone it will be your awful partner.

Listen to your gut.
Your reasoning is sound
Your home is already " broken".. it will be worse if you stay
By the way, if a child is loved, secure and its needs met.. no home is broken, whatever the set up.. Single, couple, same sex couple Families come in all shapes and sizes

why do you love him?

Get rid of him ASAP - life is short

I'm a Christian too. Marrying someone is a big deal. If this is not someone you think you want to spend your life with, don't marry him.

Don't marry this man. I could give you a hundred reasons why not to and none to marry him!

Big, fat NO for me. 🍀

Please,please don't marry him.
It will only get a lot worse.
Divorce is a bigger stigma so you will accept more and more.
Please

DP is lazy, selfish and greedy

Do not marry a lazy, selfish and greedy man. He'll never change.

He won't change. Why would he? Absolutely do not tie yourself to a lazy, selfish man for life.

Your son will be raised with separated parents because his dad was lazy and selfish.

Reject this nonsense concept of shame and make a positive choice to ditch the dead-weight. Marriage will make things infinitely worse. You are not a prisoner or a slave.

As cringe as it sounds my mum said she didn't have a single doubt marrying my dad , not one , they've been together 52 years. and I've always felt that I wouldn't marry anyone not being able to say the same .
Hence me still being single at 45

Jesus sounds like you are living with another child why on earth would you marry that you deserve better and so does to your DC tbh .

And using that language is really offensive to women like me who have raised their kids alone because of stupid selfish men like the one you are thinking about marrying.

Totally agree. I am also a single mother who has raised a child single handed and I also find the “broken home” rhetoric offensive. A coupled home can be far more “broken” than a home led by a capable and loving line parent, particularly if it involves a lazy and abusive partner.

Its very clear that this is a bad relationship but your judgment is clouded by your faith, some silly romantic notions about being married abd the idea that any relationship is better than being alone.

This will be a bad marriage. You still have time to back out and save yourself. I suggest you educate yourself a bit and then either find someone better or go it alone.

He's more likely to get worse, not better after marriage. Take religion out of the picture. You don't need to be miserable bc of that.ook for someone more worthy of you.

If you marry him, you’re set for a long life of unhappiness. If he can’t be an equal partner to you now, he’s not going to be one after you’re married, when he’ll think that he’s got you, so doesn’t need to even pretend to try anymore. So you’ll either be unhappily married or unhappily divorced. Don’t do it. Wait until you meet the person who doesn’t need to change. Who isn’t lazy, selfish or greedy.

If you want to look at it from a religious point of view, God may be the one putting these doubts in your head so you don’t stand in a church and make vows that you’re not certain you’d be able to keep. I know so many marriages don’t work out nowadays, but I think most people do go into it with the intention of sticking to their vows, even if things don’t work out that way.

Please don't marry this man. Make him leave. You've recognised his bad points and what other pointers do you need? Violence? He's no Prince.

You would be absolutely mad to marry him OP.

Was so pleased to be engaged as love my DP and to be honest I’ve been ashamed to be an unmarried mum, as a Christian.

The way you have worded this shows that subconsciously you do believe you've been ashamed (you really, really have no reason to be at all) but you are omitting the 'I' in being pleased to be engaged and loving your partner. That is very telling.

Please, please listen to what your gut is telling you. You have said nothing positive about this man. You're reasons for marrying him are not to the benefit of you or your child.

If you wouldn't want to divorce him, do not marry him. He's already telling you who he is loud and clear, don't put yourself and your child through unnecessary angst. You have to protect both of you.

💐