Why do so many women put up with crap?

MN really shouldn't be compulsory reading. It's horrible lately. There is a lot of sensible advice but there are also a hell of a lot of bitter, nasty people. And many disingenuous people who claim they would LTB at the slightest indiscretion ( they wouldn't but they say it to seem superior). MN is not real life, it's a bunch of people on the internet. Some with good morals and intentions, others not so much.

Parents are the best role models any child can have, parents who put their own needs before their child's is the ones who need to look at what they are doing to their children

Depressing and it makes me so furious. MN should be compulsory reading for teenage girls. Life lessons and how to avoid a lifetime of regret (and abuse and in some cases, death)

Men are 100% responsible for the shitty way many of them treat their wives however women have to take some responsibility for the choices that they make. Many women marry men who were obviously dickheads and then end up shackled to them when children arrive.

To many women sacrifice their financial independence and stability, and then can't see a way to leave. The bar for men is so low, and I think we've got generations of women who instead of thinking they can be anything think they should be everything, which gives men the space to be nothing or only what they want.

I'm certainly sick of hearing about all these terrible husbands. I hate to think so many women are being treated so badly. But, no. I don't wonder why they put up with it, because I know there are countless reasons and that it will one of them. Any thought I put into it is usually focused on whether I can offer them any support or advice.

We are bred to do this - it is our superpower. 😀

'I also think for far too much of society men being incompetent is a bit of a cliche and just something to roll one's eyes at as in "What is he like feeding our toddler this for dinner?!" Whereas a woman would be called neglectful.'

This. I hate hearing women joke about men's incompetence as if it's a funny anecdote. It gives men carte blanche to continue being useless because no expectations of them being a functioning adult are placed on them.

When kids are involved and they're just shit partners and dads, I think it's probably from a historical imbalance ie the woman doing Women's Work in the relationship well before becoming pregnant. I imagine it'd be really difficult to then break that cycle and then they end up with an incompetent co parent. Unfortunately, I've encountered women who still don't see it for what it is and make excuses like "Oh they're just so scared of newborns" - then they never learn how to settle their children from young and it's the mother's job to do bed time and wake ups forever. 🤷‍♀️

I think they stay because they think things will improve (however futile as many don't seem to ever give them the kick up the arse they require for change to happen); they don't want to break up a family despite being unhappy and dysfunctional and both being terrible role models for impressionable DC; sometimes women are dependent financially on partners after motherhood.

I also think for far too much of society men being incompetent is a bit of a cliche and just something to roll one's eyes at as in "What is he like feeding our toddler this for dinner?!" Whereas a woman would be called neglectful.

@Greywarden has nailed it. I would also add:

a. A lot of women stay for financial reasons because they don’t have their own money. Often because the arsehole man in question has persuaded them that they don’t need to work and should spend all their time catering for his needs. Which is why it’s so important not to give up your job even if you are married.

b. Society still hammers into women almost from birth that they have no value if they aren’t attached to a man. The force with this one is still incredibly strong. An awful lot of women will cling to the wreckage of a dreadful relationship rather than be single.

maybe its a case of picking their battles?

Because leaving is often a complicated thing that may take a fair bit of cash on hand that they don't have- or supportive friends/ family in a position to help- or a high income - a lot of this relates to housing and the current mess it is

Yep it's mug behaviour and a bad example to children to put up with a useless man.

Because women are far too quick to throw their independence away and become dependent on men so often become financially trapped and vulnerable.

Because they would rather have children with useless men than not have children at all.

Are you a single parent? Because I am one and whilst you have to learn to be independent as fuck, it is extremely hard work not to mention isolating sometimes. Financially, emotionally, practically. Social media sometimes romanticises it but that's what it is. It can be easier if the ex is a hands on dad, but most of the time they aren't because let's be honest if they were, they'd still be together.

I grew up in a household with abusive parents so I know how damaging it can be to kids. That's why I made a different choice. But, for the most part, women don't want what I've described above, so they stick it out.

There's a lot less of all that pre children. And more time to do it in. More money to outsource e.g. eat out.

Once you have children it becomes more difficult to leave but what I genuinely don’t understand is why women are even starting a relationship with a man who expects them to do all the cooking/cleaning/laundry etc surly this becomes visible as soon as you start spending time at eachother’s house or at the latest when you move in together.

Agree OP I often ask myself the same question. Especially when they say the OH/DH has always been that way. So why the hell did you go on to marry them and have 5 kids with them!

I've noticed that girls aren't brought up to be assertive. This is often modelled through their parents where the dad's life hasn't changed and mum runs around after everyone.

Some women hang on to bad relationships in the hope he'll change - all the red flags are there but they want a family. They then find that they're expected to do everything plus work.

Men who haven't been brought up to consider anyone apart from themselves, just let her get on with it.

Many single mothers end up considerably worse off and there's no penalty for feckless dads.

TL;DR Patriarchy

Socialisation and lack of own money to go it alone.
It breaks my heart hearing colleagues talking about sexist husbands that leave all the housework up to them, on top of their jobs. Or the ones with partners who 'babysit'.

I have financial independence thanks to the Bank of M&D (I'm not some smart high flyer). I've told both dc's to make sure they are independent and can live alone before settling down.

I think many women settle down and have kids before they have allowed their career to get properly going. Then, they give up work or reduce their hours so they are financial dependent and then this leaves them in a vulnerable position.

If I had my way, all girls would learn how to be financially independent and how important this is.

Obviously the patriarchy is so ingrained in many people’s minds and it’s so hard to fight against it that women end up in difficult positions.

Do you know how easy it is for women to get sex? Just walk into a bar or download Tinder..it's not difficult.

Other women encourage it too. I’ve just read a thread where the ops husband ignores her and rudely walks away. Snaps at her, and people are saying is it stress or autism. When quite frankly he’s just treating her like shit.

Whereas I dint believe some women think they are somehow superior to men re domestic duties.
I think they are superior (socialisation to start with abnd then day to day living experience because things are never 50/50 even in the most equitable relationship) plus men are also very good at playing being inept.

Eg talking about my dad, he is very keen at helping. But doesn’t seem to have learn yet that wool doesn’t go in the tumble drier. Cues for (usually my mum) stuff to be damaged..l.
And then you wonder why women step in and don’t ’let men do stuff’? Come on. its often not a question of standards. Bit about being willing to do things instead.

They can't afford it.
They are coerced/abused to stay.
They can't work without a partners help.
They can't own or even rent a house without a partners help.
They don't want to disrupt their kids lives.
They don't want to spend 50% of the time away from their kids.
They have no family and friends for support.
They truly believe bad behaviour is normal and not a big deal.
They can't be arsed with the upheaval and logistics of splitting.
I could go on.

There are many reasons that go beyond your 'women are doormats and put up with too much' narrative.