AIBU to find it more challenging to parent because of other parents on days out

It’s hard parenting your child around other people parenting their child. This is just life. You adjust, they adjust because you do actually care about spending time together. When I hang out with friends or family with kids, the adults communicate, we negotiate middle grounds, we let things slide etc. No parent has the exact same approach you do. So a bit of give and take and chill is needed. I say this as a parent of an autistic child who loves a rule and gets in a flap if the “rules” aren’t followed. You do need to manage it as a grown up. Otherwise you’ll have to socially isolate.

Ok well put it this way, based on your comments, the amount of comments you have made and your response to every person who has posted I would say:

You are a person who thinks they are always right
You don't change your opinion but expect others to change theirs
You have to have the last word
You are overly invested in the thread, maybe it has strick a nerve

Does that sound right? Do you think that is an accurate reflection? Have I read your comments the way you intended?

You’re determined to keep this thread going aren’t you.Why all the comments, questioning you’ve made it perfectly clear what you think The only one here, pushing their narrative is you.

You're assuming it's a routine thing.
You cannot do that.

It's an honest answer.
If someone wants to eat that amount, every so often, it really isn't an issue.
Clearly it's not a great diet for every day, but there's nothing to suggest this occurs every day.
I'm not going to lie to suit your narrative.

@zeitweilig
My child wouldn't have wanted that amount of food tbh, and I didn't think it was up to me to police what other people's children ate

You are avoiding answering.
The OP isn't policing what the other peoples kids are eating, she didn't say anything to the parents or children. She thinks it's excessive though. It is excessive and I bet you think that too.

Yes I can. No sensible parent would do that.

Of course you cannot be.
Stop making assumptions.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, OP. If you carry on being this judgemental towards other parents, you will be doing your days out alone and it won't be a problem.

If you really want to be an effective parent, you will stop expecting others around you to fall in line with what you think is appropriate and learn to develop better strategies for managing your dd's expectations and behaviour.

All parents will have different boundaries and approaches. Some will be very strict and some will be very permissive. Some will be strict a lot of the time but ditch the rules on certain occasions such as holidays or days out. Some will be strict about some things but very lax about others, depending on their own personal perceptions about what's important. Some will end up changing their initial approach to stuff in response to the specific needs and characteristics of their children. We cannot control how other parents do stuff, so we can only focus on managing the relationship with our own dc.

At 9, your dd is old enough to understand that different families do things differently, and she shouldn't be having meltdowns about this kind of thing. You need to focus less on what you perceive to be the shortcomings in other people's parenting and more on how you're parenting your own dc.

Of course I can be. No sensible parent would give snack after snack and then say yes to them going to a sweet shop.

I actually have this too and I don't think yabu
The UK food culture for junk is terrible. I have a friend who is love dearly but she has no food rules at sll. Her kids don't have to eat meals or have lunch at 11am and gave whole nags of haribo or giant cookies. We eat at 3 set meal times and 2 snack times. You wait for your next mealtime. It drives me nutty being out with her.

I'm reading what she's actually written and responding to that.

My child wouldn't have wanted that amount of food tbh, and I didn't think it was up to me to police what other people's children ate. I have no idea of exactly what he ate at ther people's houses or parties etc, but it was/is part of an overall balanced diet. We've never made treat foods taboo but we also eat fairly healthily.

Your response to OP reflects the way you perceived OP's comments. The way my response reflects my perception of her comments and my perception of yours. All of us are just making judgements based on on our own experiences and values.

@zeitweilig

Even if she hadn't had the subway would you have allowed one of you kids to have two doughnuts, two packs of crisps and another treat (icecream or chocolate) all in one play date?

I'm guessing you wouldn't?

You cannot be sure at all.
You're reading a lot into a snapshot.

As you had to explain to your dd “different parents, different rules”.

I am as sure as I can be. The parents and kids both sound like a nightmare. They had been given unhealthy snack after snack and still wanted something from the shop. The parents could easily have said no but they didn't, why on earth on? Because the kids would have kicked off.

Don't spend lots of Time and hang out with people who have a radically different parenting style. Or if you are seeing these people for some reason, then adjust your expectations.

If you know that you are seeing the snacking people, then have a really healthy lunch beforehand.

Not your responsibility until you’re paying taxes through the nose for a stretched health care system that can’t cope with lifestyle diseases.

yeah, you do you.

Yes I do. Purely because donuts are very clearly a treat / dessert type food and in our house that is only acceptable at certain times. Much like I would have a glass of wine with my friends but I don’t sit at home drinking bottles in my own. I also have a slice of cake at social occasions but don’t buy cakes to scoff at home on the sofa either. We socialise and eat with friends.

For me, meals are healthy and balanced - subway or other junk food as meals blurs the lines of what is essentially cake but eating it as a sandwich.

anyway my point was actually that it doesn’t matter what everyone else’s boundaries are - we can see by looking at other adults around us that everyone has different attitudes to food. Try not to judge your friends at least, parenting is tough and you should try to support each other that’s all.

Maybe a day at the park with friends is special to them. Not everyone lives grand lives with big celebrations.

@LiarLiarKnickersAblaze have you looked into the idea of some neurodiversity the tantrums/not understanding social cues/shouting and not getting the concept that different parents have different rules - plus the sleep issues I think you said you had

If you're meeting up with friends and know there might be 'treats' then it's probably not ideal to have a Subway and a cookie beforehand, if you know that will limit sharing enjoyment of other treats.

But it was just a day at the park, nothing special about it. If this a normal, low-key day filled with treats what do you do for birthdays, holidays etc.? I don't understand how anyone can justify this amount of snacks on a normal, Saturday afternoon.