AIBU to find it more challenging to parent because of other parents on days out

I'm happy to move on.
Perhaps you could have just left it to start with. Bear that in mind next time.

Please can you leave this now.This isn’t about not liking you, l don’t know you.My point is l have an opinion too.

And what do you know about it!? You weren't there!!

I'm so sick of people telling the OP they don't know what happened as if they had some sort of birds eye view of a situation they never bloody witnessed!!!

You know I'm referring to your comments directed at me.
I made relevant points and you decided to tell me I wasn't allowed to make comments. What did that add? Nothing. Stay on topic. We're not all going to like each other.

I’ve already said, l don’t think OP is being unreasonable, that’s what l’ve added.

Again, what are you adding?

No, they’re repetitive and you’ve just taken over the thread, that is my point.

I agree that limiting junk food is definitely not an issue.
Assuming you know much about someone's overall diet, based on one snapshot on a day out, is definitely an issue.
We should all try to eat a healthy diet but that can include less healthy things every now and then.

Hi @LiarLiarKnickersAblaze !

I think people are being rather harsh towards you! Your initial post did come across as a little 'judgey' but I think you've rectified that, especially in your later replies.

I agree with others re. the "excuse me" comment. IMO you should have praised what your daughter did well (saying it) and maybe had a little chat about volume/waiting afterwards.

I agree with you re. junk food. That's an extortionate amount, and in such a small space of time! Maybe in the future you can chat with your daughter beforehand - remind her that children's parents allow different things, and sometimes that may feel unfair to her. Perhaps try and guide the conversation so that your daughter feels in control of the choices she makes. What is a reasonable amount of treats to have? Then agree that you'll stick to that decision whilst there. If things begin to go in a negative direction quietly remind her of the agreement you made earlier. Hopefully that's helpful! X

Clearly this is a difficult concept for you, other people have opinions too.
You’re overly invested in this thread.

Junk food is literally an addiction. Have you ever given it up?

I was allowed unlimited junk as a kid and its not how I'm bringing my child up. We know better and can do better.

Not eating junk food doesn't immediately make someone judgey with food issues. People who eat junk food usually have food issues in the sense that the food is literally addictive.

If I don't eat junk for a week, I don't want it. As soon as I slip into eating it, it snowballs. For me, and many others, its like a smoker trying to have just one. It is literally addictive. It's why the nation's eating habits are so full of junk food now.

Limiting junk food is not a food issue. Nit everything is an issue.

What are you adding to the thread now exactly?
My comments are on topic.

No this isn’t the case, many comments have been directly to OP, you’ve then questioned them, which is fine, this is more about the volume of them, you’re repeatedly doing this.
This thread, has now turned into, all about you.

Tbh, it sounds like you and your daughter are the issue within all this.
You had a food addiction, so are projecting your own experiences onto your child.
Your daughter is sufficiently socially unaware at 9 to be unable to say "excuse me" in an appropriate manner.
Your child actually comes out with "...am having this" and "you will give it to me" in public.
I'd suggest you would benefit from looking more closely at you and your daughter, rather than whinging about your friends and their children on MN.

This is an excellent response.

I think that the tone in this post comes across as quite judgemental to other people. I

My personal view is that if my kids are having a fun day out with friends I can be a bit more flexible with what they eat, and I tend to let them follow the pack. I’m happy as long as they are getting something good in alongside the junk. It’s an ‘occasionally’ thing for me. It will have no impact on their health as they get older, especially because we talk a lot about eating preferences vs what our bodies need at home and I actually believe that it’s important to give children opportunities to regulate their own food intake on occasion (even if that means they overeat the bad stuff).Also as a parent, honestly, I want a break too. I would feel a bit mean restricting my child of something if none of their friends were experiencing the same, I try to treat them how I would like to be treated and I try as far as possible to avoid rules around food intake / what/ how much because I don’t want to link power and control to food.

Similarly with pointing out the excuse me, I think there might be a time and a place. If it was pretty rude and the person needed an apology in the moment I would take a 9year old to the side and explain, then I would support them to say sorry. If it didn’t need to be an apology in the moment I would just have a private chat when we got home. 9 year olds can feel embarrassed and infantilised by parents acting like this with them, it doesn’t sound like she was trying to be rude by what you’ve said.

For context, I am a person who came from a family where I wouldn’t have been allowed an ‘extra’ treat and I would have felt singled out to my friends. It was also an ongoing joke in my group of friends that my Mum was really inflexible and unreasonable when I moved into my teen years because of things like that. It probably had the opposite effect because when I was a bit older and had more autonomy to buy whatever I wanted I found it difficult to know when to stop having treats even though I knew all about the health risks/benefits.

Sorry but concentrate on your own child. If someone else relents and gives in to their child it has bugger all to do with you. Your child has to suck it up. Your child had a treat before the others. Lesson learnt.

I agree that the snacking on the go culture is excessive, but I think deciding on whether to have snacks has ultimately got to come from the kids themselves. If they're not in the habit of having lots of snacks, they probably won't want one when offered. I'd try to limit the time you spend with people who dole out snacks every half hour.

Presumably you know from experience how these families feed their kids? If you don’t like it, why do you continue to go out with them?

Btw, Subway cookies are every bit as bad as donuts.

🫣

I think it's as inaccurate as all the other assuming posts.
My point has been, and remains, that OP (and others) are judging other's parenting based on a small snapshot of their food consumption.

I'm replying to comments, many directed at me.

It's unusual for a 9 year old to have such extreme reactions to being told no to a treat. You also seem to be anxious about issues with social cues/interactions.

Are there other areas of development with her that concern you?

Completely agree.