AIBU to find it more challenging to parent because of other parents on days out

I do. The words put together are entirely clear. He pulled a slate tile off a small house. There's nothing ambiguous in that.

It feels like you might be misusing the word 'meltdown'. It is generally used to describe a complete loss of control and feeling or dysregulation, often by someone who is ND. This isn't something that can be reasoned with, the person needs support whilst in that state and the triggers to be identified and worked in calmer moments.

If your daughter on not getting a bag of sweets and another child on not getting a donut is at this point I think there are massive issues here.

If what you mean is the children are moody / talking back / upset / sulking because they didn't get what they wanted then that is a very different thing.

I think YABU for judging and proudly defending the judging. Parenting is hard enough and you never actually know the full story of what's going on in a family.

However, you wouldn't be unreasonable to choose to spend time with parents who align more with your parenting style. Days out should be enjoyable and it sounds like, whether rightly or wrongly, you are not enjoying days out with these people.

Similarly DD walked into the shop and raised her voice to say "excuse me" while a shopper was browsing where she wanted to go. I whispered in her ear privately that whilst it's good to say excuse me, sometimes you have to wait if people are browsing and say it a bit later and quieter if you need to. In my view she's 9, so is old enough to learn social cues. and this is weird micromanaging

Lost the quote in replying. That was to @lololulu

If that's in response to me why answer if you don't know the answer?

I would never have even thought about getting my dc a subway to eat in a park on a day out.

But that doesn't mean I would look down on you for giving your child junk food. Or go on about how society is crumbling. People do what they think is best. Subway is the line that you have decided is good for your daughter. Other people think differently.

I think it's really weird how you can't see that a subway is a load of crap but the other parents are terrible parents for giving their children a different load of crap.

So would I. But I'd include a parent who gave their 9 yr old a subway, a cookie, a doughnut, and a Saturday evening film treat in that tbh.

Yabu, you sound judgey and sanctimonious. At 9 dd is old enoigh to understand that different people have different rules, so you do you and let the others be, or get yourself a new set if friends who share your values.

My friends and I don't parent the same, some are more lenient, others are strict, some are worriers, others are relaxed but we are FRIENDS, we are there to raise each other up, not sit in silent judgement

Personally I couldn’t get worked up about this. I would treat it as a rare day out / one off and just go with the flow, allow extra treats etc.

But - you could turn it on its head and think are these really my people? You sound irritated by them, they don’t parent like you, you don’t like the habits your dd is picking up from their kids. Maybe just distance yourself a bit and try and find other friends?

How many times have you been out with these mums?

I think it will be the last.

You're trying to turn it into how awful other parents are 'these days' vs how sensible you are, but you know you made an error of judgment, otherwise you wouldn't be posting.

Your mistake was giving the alloted 2 treats before meeting up with friends. I don't give my DC 1 to 2 treats everyday, but out with friends in a party atmosphere, I go with the flow.

My DC know what a healthy diet is, want to eat that most of the time and often refuse treats when given the choice. Your DD won't learn to make good choices I'd she isn't given those choices.

What's confusing about it? They were in the park. I assume it was some kind of play house but a relatively fancy one with real slate tiles. Or a model village. Either way it's vandalism.

Similarly DD walked into the shop and raised her voice to say "excuse me" while a shopper was browsing where she wanted to go. I whispered in her ear privately that whilst it's good to say excuse me, sometimes you have to wait if people are browsing and say it a bit later and quieter if you need to. In my view she's 9, so is old enough to learn social cues. Cue overreaction from another parent I don't know (of toddlers) of "that's OK, well done for saying excuse me" to cancel out my parenting approach and makes me look mean

You can say excuse me if someone’s in the way. Have you never seen anyone do it?

You wouldn't also include Subway for lunch in this judging?

One of the 9 YO pulled a slate tile off a mini house.

What does this mean?

Honestly I would judge massively too any parent stuffing their children with this amount of junk.? It’s hard OP. Realistically I’d limit the amount of time I spent with them, but also teach DD about why you limit junk food and warn in advance of days out that she can have eg two sugary things if she wants them. I wouldn’t call them treats. They aren’t. They’re more like poison and you love her too much to do that to her!

Eh? Nobody wants their child to get ill. A couple of treats at the weekend is probably not the major thing influencing that! Subway isn't exactly healthy either. 😬

So next time give a proper lunch, then you can relax about treats, then you won't have this issue again.

Plus take some better cake if you want control.

All you can do is set out your rules for DD beforehand and make it clear that they will be in place regardless of what other DC do. The 'all families are different with different rules, these are my rules for you because..." talk. If you feel your DD isn't able yet to accept this without being upset or angry at the time, then I'd be avoiding the parent/child group days and invite various DCs out with me and DD one to one instead for a while.

You're judging them they're judging you. The whole thing sounds ridiculous so I'd just not bother.