AIBU to find it more challenging to parent because of other parents on days out

Another option is to chuck some sandwich bags in you bag, they are useful for all types of things but then you can say:

"Well DD you can't have this now as you have just had a cookie, but we can take it home and have some later" then you are acknowledging that she wants it, she doesn't feel like she is missing out, teaching delayed gratification, and then when you go home you could share it between the three of you for an after dinner treat, put it in the fridge to be forgotten about, put it in a snack box for another day if it won't go bad etc etc.

I think it’s worth remembering that all (decent) parents are doing their best. It just the their version of ‘best’ will vary based on research, lived experience, situation, circumstance etc. And there’s not necessarily a ‘right’.

My siblings and I were raised with a couple of teats for days out and special occasions. One of my siblings has a (as far as I’m aware) normal, healthy relationship with food. One was an incredibly chubby teenager. My mam always assumed it was puppy fat. It was only in his 20s he admitted that he used to pinch extra treats and hide them, use his school dinner money for packets of biscuits etc. I was still having therapy at 27 for issues surrounding food and my body. I never did think I was quite worthy of those ‘treats’ (absolutely not what my parents ever implied).

Do what’s best for your daughter, but accept that your way may well be detrimental for other people’s children. It’s actually a god lesson for your daughter to learn that what suits one persons needs, isn’t right for everybody.

To be fair, context matters. And a lot of kids - understandably - haven’t got there yet. They’ve been told “that’s what to say” and see it as a “magic word”. Whereas sometimes it isn’t appropriate. For example, if people are hanging back to let others off the train before they get on themselves, then it’s very rude to say “excuse me” and move past them to get on first yourself

Thats not what happened though.

Yes, this.

Subway is absolute junk.

The only people I know who think it’s healthy are brainwashed Slimming World cult members

It’s equally important not to project your issues with food onto your child. This can happen subtly over time and lead to ED’s. There should be balance.

Find it quite amusing that you're happily judging others for giving their kids junk food when you had given yours a Subway for lunch, hardly good wholesome food is it?
As for the excuse me thing, your daughter did nothing wrong -he was in her way she politely asked him to move, why on earth would she wait?

Agree with this. I'd have just let her have the treats on the day out, but just be mindful of it when you're thinking of making plans with them again.

I do hate the stream of snacks, I try not to give too many but it does make it hard when you're e.g. at the park and someone starts handing them out.

But I think it is just life - there will always be people who live differently, we can either go along with it on occasion or make a point on the day. And sometimes for little kids that will probably lead to disappointment and then being upset. Which is fine, it's a valid way for them to feel.

And while I feel strongly on the snack front, I am sure there are other aspects of parenting I am less bothered about that may cause issues when I'm with my friends children if they are trying to instill that particular standard.

It seems you have a number of anxieties to address OP. It’s OK to parent differently to your friends. Have a chat with your DD about what her boundaries are when out with a friend or group; e.g. “If you’ve had a cookie and a doughnut, you can expect me to say no to further high sugar snacks.” Now you know the potential for a situation like that to occur, you can parent proactively rather than reactively. But even more importantly, try and relax. Personally, I’d let it go on an occasional day out with friends - it’s not worth the upset you’re experiencing in the aftermath.

You sound like a good parent to me op.
Waiting politely for an older, slower person to get something in a shop is not being downtrodden by men, it’s being thoughtful.

And ime too many parents are scared of their dc and let them do as they please.

I parented like you and I have two of the most lovely, polite adults who eat a healthy diet for the most part.

Don’t be daft OP.

All people are saying is that it’s unreasonable to expect parents to parent differently to please you.

Crisps, something cake like (ie a doughnut) as part of picnic lunch and a later ice-cream would have been perfectly normal for a day out in the UK until about 2010. Some children don't eat meals and are snackers.

Since Brexit companies have started putting in more additives again so snacks are more and more dangerous.

However To fit in eat healthy at home and bring homemade snacks to share

I agree that it is difficult when others are allowing their children to eat junk in front of yours when you would rather your kid doesn't gorge on junk food.
I try and take the approach that mine eat healthy most of the time at home and therefore if they have extra one day I have to let it go.
We have talked about the reasons why constant junk food is so bad at home and luckily my 7 and 9 year old have started to take this on board and will make healthier choices themselves.

I also find the low level bad behaviour that is not reprimanded leads to escalations. My SIL does no disciplining of her children and then likes to moan how difficult their behaviour is to manage. She honestly believes she has the most difficult children ever, rather than their behaviour being a result of no boundaries because it is easier in the short term to give in. Whereas my children have been brought up to now what is acceptable behaviour and my eldest in particular gets comments from friends parents on how great he is to have over for playdates.

OK, assuming she did actually shout - I would have smiled at the man, said 'I'm sorry, hope she didn't make you jump!', said to her 'oops, that came out a bit noisy there!' and that would have been the end of it - no chat, not afterwards either. It's a child trying to be polite and getting it a bit wrong. You seem to have built it up into a source of embarrassment - to you - which seems to be a big theme here.

On the food thing - your language has left me quite curious - you're describing it in really quite emotionalised and dramatic terms, 'funnelling', 'constant stream', and the constant use of 'treats' instead of naming foods what they are. I think you're projecting from your own past here, and I also wonder whether the emphasis on health - although you must know that a day with a lot of ice-cream and donuts isn't going to leave her obese and diabetic by 40 - is a smokescreen for a concern that's primarily about weight. I think you need to reflect on this more closely, as it's possible to do a child, particularly a girl, a lot of terrible damage by passing on disordered attitudes to food.

I bet you're fun at parties. It was one day where your DD had a bit too much junk, we've all been there. Just set some firm expectations before you go out next time. She isn't going to get diabetes from one Saturday in 2024 where she had an extra doughnut.

You can say excuse me if someone’s in the way. Have you never seen anyone do it?

To be fair, context matters. And a lot of kids - understandably - haven’t got there yet. They’ve been told “that’s what to say” and see it as a “magic word”. Whereas sometimes it isn’t appropriate. For example, if people are hanging back to let others off the train before they get on themselves, then it’s very rude to say “excuse me” and move past them to get on first yourself. I’ve had kids say it to me in places where there is literally nowhere for me to move for them to get past; they don’t realise that and so it’s down to the parent to manage. I saw a man blatantly queue jump in an airport by yelling “excuse me” at the top of his voice - he really wasn’t polite in that scenario. It sounds like the OP did well with that incident with her DD and I think I’d have been irritated to be corrected by another parent too.

The treats thing will always be an issue when you’re out with others. I’ve had the opposite experience as well; was invited to lunch by a friend who had done a lovely little picnic for the kids: little ham sandwiches, Pom bears, raisins etc. And she’d asked a new neighbour who made a big show of refusing to let her kids eat anything (“they can’t have processed food”). And while - of course - she’s free to have her own standards about what constitutes a healthy diet for her kids, it came across as incredibly ungracious. It can be a difficult balance. Perhaps next time you’re out with these people, be stricter about what DD has beforehand? If you enjoy the company of these friends, it seems a shame to miss out on that overall.

This is a brief snapshot of part of one day. We have no idea about the rest of the week. 🫣

It is over the top and would likely leave the child feeling a bit ill. But as a one off it's not the end of the world. The kid had too many treats, feels ill, chat later "do you think that was too many treats in one day"..... "hmmmmmm, what could we do differently?"....... "ooooohhh, that's a good idea, we could only one treat so that we don't feel like this again".

Kids need to experience some negatives in order to practice risk assessing and decision-making in safe ways.

Other people who think Subway is healthier than it is?

Stop blaming ‘society’. You are society. I’m not sure where you live, but constant junk food and snacks isn’t something I recognise on a day to day basis when I am out and about. Neither is everyone over 40 with chronic health problems - most 40yr old women I know have young baby/toddler, active and healthy.

I think you need to stop blaming others and just address your own parenting. It seems your childhood of treat giving made you unhealthy as an adult, so I’m not sure why you think it would work on your children. A subway and cookie would never be something I would give a child, but I don’t think it would cause a lifetime of chronic illness.