Disappointed with husband over paternity leave

He's already booked himself in for a full weekend of golf, he'll be back at work and he knows you are doing this alone and is ok with that. He is telling you that he does not expect his lifestyle to change now that you have a dc, and you will need to spell it out to him that this isn't ok.
What I will advise based on my experience is to try not to let this disappointment spoil these early days. You have your mum there to help, so rest and spend as much time in bed with your baby as you can. Try to relax and focus on you.

Who raises these lazy, dumb mollycoddled losers?

I think you need to spell it out to him and communicate. My DP did go out a few times in the early days/weeks with both DD’s for a stag do, then wedding and another stag do. Each time we discussed it, he had his mum on standby, deep cleaned the house before he went and stocked me up on dinner and snacks. If I’d been unhappy he wouldn’t have gone, as it was I didn’t mind and enjoyed some one on one time with the baby. The key difference here is the communication - he simply cannot fuck off as and when he likes anymore.

Just talk to him - he’s behaving like a selfish arse, communicating will either confirm this or the penny will start to drop. Either way, you’ll know where you stand with his behaviour going forward!

There's an active thread over on the parenting board that will perfectly encapsulate your life as a mum to a young child if he doesn't sort his behavior out.
Its another day, another shit excuse for a husband on mumsnet. And it's fucking depressing.

Oh, and you are absofuckinglutely NBU.
Throwing the towel in 5 days after your partner has given birth is... I can't think of a word strong enough tbh.

YANBU. Tell him he’s not being reasonable and it’s unacceptable for him to be going off to play golf leaving you to it. Sleep deprivation is a real pain, and something that could impact you if he doesn’t pull his weight. I personally don’t do well sleep deprived nor can I sleep on command. Where as my husband can so he did the night shift until baby slept through the night. Your husband needs to be told to pull his weight.

You know this is not ok.

Well you know what thought did.

He sounds hopeless at the moment but you have to work with what you’ve got. I would get him a book for new dads and demand he read it.

You should talk to him, you'd hope he realised that playing golf both weekend days with a very young baby and a partner who needs support is selfish and disgusting

trust me. he knows exactly what he is doing!

This. It's the only way to survive.

If he needs this pointing out to him but sees the fairness of it, he's a bit of a useless arse but potentially redeemable.

If he pushes back on this, it's not going to work and you'll ultimately have an easier time alone without him dragging you down and into resentment. Be very open with everyone in your life about the train is over. He should be shamed.

You need to talk to him now as if things remain the same this will be it for the next 18 years. You will be the one doing everything.

When we had our first baby my husband would come home from work, take the baby so I could go for a quiet bath and then he'd cook us tea. I was breastfeeding so did most of the bedtime/ night stuff but he would do the house work while I was in bed in the evening. We worked as a team and discussed what would make things easier.

If he doesn't listen and stays as he is you'll be the default parent for everything. When you return to work you'll be responsible for the sick days, the nursery/ school run and everything else. The equality needs to start now.

If he refuses to work as a team with you and do his share of parenting and housework then you should consider if that's who you want to spend your life with. Your spouse is supposed to love you and be there for you, not just use you as an unpaid skivvy.

It’s always golfers and cyclists.

My friend’s dh was shocked when she left him. I’m sure his fellow golfers were shocked too.

You should talk to him, you'd hope he realised that playing golf both weekend days with a very young baby and a partner who needs support is selfish and disgusting, but benefit of the doubt maybe he's ignorant and will realise he's being a terrible father and even worse partner. If he played a lot before then sure, sustaining hobbies is good for both parents, but not so soon and so often- things change when you have a child and compromises to be made.

If he doesn't, then you know where you and baby stand and can decide what you want to do.

Do not be a martyr and sort this out now urgently. I would ask him to miss the golf and sit down and have a serious talk about how things are going to be.

You are recovering from a serious operation so your body needs to heal. He is just acting like a spoiled child.

If you don’t get anywhere book in some couple counselling as if this carries on, the resentment and the pattern of him being lazy will not change. This could be the start of the end of your marriage so it needs to change and he needs a wake up call.

ODFOD.

congratulations on your baby.

re DH. been there, done that. It doesn't get better! your child is not even 2 weeks old, you had a major surgery on top... he has made it clear what his priorities are :(

either accept that the baby will be your responsibility moving forward whilst he carries on with the life as he knows it... or make plans to move on (out) yourself. What a utter arsehole.

Absolutely this
Set your expectations now to avoid years of that shit

Wow OP he sounds a complete dick.

It's time that neither of you will get back. As others have said it's not a very good indicator as to how the childhood years are going to go with this man, so very selfish.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable to have expected more

Sit him down and lay it out ASAP. BOTH of your lives have changed. It is extremely unfair for him to resume his pre baby lifestyle and leave you with the baby and no relief. You both need equal downtime to be the best parents you can be. How does he think that will look? He needs to be hands on with baby ASAP so that he can manage on your off days.

Unfortunately op you viewed your child as something you were doing together, as a team. And parenting would be together, as a team.

He saw it as YOU were having baby. Just you. He had no intention of changing his life. He doesn’t see you as a team.

Have you actually communicated with him and told him that what he’s doing is unacceptable due to the fact your baby was born TWO weeks ago!

This is why men should not be able to share maternity leave, inagine months of this Thankfully it wasn't a thing 18 years ago. Two weeks of ex husband lazing round was more than enough.

He sounds like a selfish twat.

Another selfish man whose life won’t change at all after becoming a parent.
I had one of these OP, it didn’t get better, and every time I tried to address it he would make me feel like I was unreasonable. I left and have never regretted it.

What a prick. He’s used his Paternity leave like bloody annual leave. I think I would be tempted to take the “Leave” part of “Maternity Leave” literally.