To think my H is being an asshole for saying...

@Drunkonbugmilk
You're posting on a forum for women.
An anonymous forum where women can get advice from other women.
Did you wake up this morning and think.
"I'll just jump on mumsnet and give my unwanted opinion, be really rude & share my misogyny in a woman's space"
If you have something constructive to say, a males perspective, then great, have at it.
To come here and use some of the phrases you've thrown around.
*Arsehole
*Entitled
*Selfish
*Crank
*Rancid behaviour
*Vile
*Arsehole behaviour
*You're an embarrassment
*Contemptible behaviour
What a sad, angry little man you are.
Go back to bed or give yourself a timeout or an hour on the naughty step.
Leave the grown-ups to their conversation.
I feel sorry for your wife.
@LibertyCaps
Nothing but respect for you 💯

He'll yes it is. How you dress won't fix any marriage unless you were naked and he wanted you to put on some clothes. If he can't work out that you aren't there as she candy then your marriage is over. Marriage is team work first, then emotional, then intelligence, then sexual attraction.
I loved it when my wife dressed for herself. Big pyjamas for wanting warmth and cuddles and relaxation were much more of a turn on than if she felt she had to dress glamourously when she didn't want to... (work events). .

You sound quite naive. Attraction is important, but it becomes more complicated than that as the years go on. For example, I could never find a bald man attractive in the first instance, but if my DH of 20 years lost his hair, I know I would still love him and want him. Because he would still be him. The OP’s evolving sense of style is part of who she is.

I think being kind and generous towards one’s spouse is far more important than what one wears in any case.

Yes please can we get the misogynistic male opinion. It's exactly what OP and the rest of us wanted. 🙄Your poor wife. Good thing she married you so young so she doesn't know any better.

I'd love to know about you @Drunkonbugmilk.

Tell me about yourself.

I've not even mentioned drug-use, you have assumed.

Colourful clothes? I've not mentioned what I wear, you suppose.

You like to mention my age.

Seems not only misogynistic but ageist.

You are not doing that well.

No, no, we're not doing A level psychology.

You are so wrong I have an urge to help you be not such a dick.

I can't be arsed though..

Aye a 51 year old boasting about her drug use and colourful clothes doesn't seem someone with enough self awareness to feel embarrassed. Point taken 😂

Complete asshole. While you could change your clothes if you wanted to, which I wouldn't, he is stuck with his shitty personality. The question is, do you want to be stuck with his personality too?

Personal details about your life anonymously arent an issue, since they arent personal details if they are anonymous. Sharing the opinion that you feel contemptibly toward the person you have a closer relationship to anyone else in the world with anyone but them is, in itself, contemptible behaviour... @ProfessionalPirate

Instead of sharing his opinions with her, should he have simply told strangers his wife gives him the ick? I'm sure he would have looked a much bigger arsehole if he had, and it would have been well deserved.

Basing the description of needs on Abraham Maslow's @LibertyCaps

Why should the things that make your life better not classify within that hierarchy? There are certainly more important things to prioritise, but the attraction you have the fortune to feel toward your partner is surely within the structure toward the upper echelons?

Either he is an arse or he is very very bad at saying what he means. I found my partner more attractive when he dressed a certain way then he did this whole dress to impress thing and it put me off. Maybe he is trying to say he finds.the way you dress affects his attraction to you. You don't have to dress for a man any more than a man has to dress for a woman but if it does make the other partner feel less attractive better to say it and nothing changes or it does than not say it and stew on it. There are better ways of putting it though and you know him best. If he is usually kind, considerate and loving I would assume clumsy wording if he is misogynistic then he is an arse

So this is what you should tell him : In the future I don't see myself living with a misogynistic prick who makes nasty comments on my appearance. I wish to live with someone who respects me and oves me just the way I am. Sorry if that person can't be you..

Yes he’s an arsehole.

I couldn’t give a shit what my DP wears as long it’s clean, comfortable and he feels good in it. He feels the same way about what I wear. I think that’s normal.

I think you don’t understand the concept of mumsnet. The whole point is that you can offload anonymously to a group of strangers. Would you prefer it if she told all of his friends and family instead?

Why are you posting personal details about your life if it’s such a terrible thing to do?

I'm quite sure it's not me who's embarrassing myself.

Boy 😂 you're an embarrassment. Too old to be acting like such a child.

You have " how to fix our marriage" conversations by text?

Needs?

Needs and desires are different things.

I might desire something. It doesn't mean I need it.

I want all kinds of things. I can live without them.

I need;

Food

Water

Shelter

Desires? They are just that.

To me, either you love someone as they are or you don’t. Trying to change people to fit your requirements doesn’t work in the long term. It’s not like buying a fixer upper house and doing it up.

I 100% agree with this- OP should wear what she likes and her husband is being a complete dick.

However, regarding women age around 40 and clothes, I have seen many posts on the style board where women of that age have posted perfectly nice dresses they like only to be berated, scolded and made fun of for being "mutton dressed as lamb" or it being too revealing, too young, too slutty, too flashy, and even compared to looking like a prostitute. So misogyny is alive and well on this site too when it comes to women supposedly having this freedom to "wear whatever they like".

It’s an anonymous forum for fucks sake. People can write what they like without worry, it’s not like she’s posting it on Facebook.

which is fortunate for you as you’ve written some pretty grim stuff about yourself and your wife in this thread.

Context is everything

My (ex) husband dresses far too young for his age - if he were to ask id have said it's embarrassing and to dress his age

It really depends on your marriage and how used to be honest you are with. Each other

If i overheard a friend speak to his partner in that way, i would call him an arsehole, but relative to saying the things she has about him to a group of strangers on the internet i think his behaviour pales in comparison. I dont agree with how he said it, but i think she should have had this conversation with him. He hurt his feelings but at the same time he obviously has a desire to express his needs, albeit he is communicating it poorly. They both need to work on that communicating and taking her grievance to an online forum to badmouth him is extremely unhealthy behaviour

You are the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm not sure what your point be boy?