To think my H is being an asshole for saying...

Why the hate on grey track pants? One of the sexiest things a man can wear (providing he has a decent body) esp if there is nothing underneath. 😋

My boyfriend apologised at first for wearing track pants around the house. I said no problem baby, you just be comfortable.

I think he is automatically wrong for the way he said it and can only imagine how he would have said it in person.

Those are words he chose to send to her and I highly doubt he didn’t know what he was doing.

There are plenty of words and ways he could have said it without being intentionally hurtful.

I find my DH most attractive with certain styles of facial hair. For him though, it’s either more tricky for him to do or he struggles with the maintenance and obstacles of it (full beard) and instead chooses to be clean shaven. Is that my preference, no, am I still attracted to him, yes, because I rather he be comfortable in his skin which is attractive in its own way than for him to wear what I want when it is uncomfortable for him.

Clothing-wise, if we’re going out together as long as it is presentable and with the dress code, I’m content. If he is going out on his own, I don’t care, barring it being completely out of his usually style. If it were, I’d ask him why.

I’d never say anything near what OP’s DH says and don’t care if other women find my DH attractive or not. Not one of the reasons I married him.

Well, of course it's subjective @LibertyCaps - all attraction is subjective

I do think he worded it badly and obviously if OP isn't happy in her marriage then it's all a moot point anyway, but I just don't think (in general) telling your partner you don't find something about their dress or appearance attractive is necessarily a bad thing, that's all.

Is he always this much of a dickhead?

No.

@tellmesomethingtrue's husband specifically said that he would like her not to wear 'Old lady clothes that no man would find attractive'.

Which is entirely subjective anyway.

His comment wasn't about @tellmesomethingtrue. His comment was entirely about him.

And it wasn't a comment from a person that loves you.

No-one that loved you would say that.

I still don't understand why he'd say that. He wants other men to find you attractive? Well, that might come back to bite him on the arse when you decide to go off with one of them, who will inevitably be better dressed than your husband!

Any smart man knows women dress for themselves and for eachother. Not for their partner and certainly not for male strangers!

I totally agree that he didn't word it well, but I also don't think he's automatically wrong or unpleasant to raise the issue of appearance in a marriage/long-term relationship.

There are often threads on here from women complaining that their DH has grown a horrible beard, or that he won't throw away old, ratty shirts and insists on wearing them on days out, and they're inevitably full of sympathy, often with suggestions of throwing away his clothes or refusing to kiss him until he sorts his facial hair out.

I guess I'm just not convinced that all the posters slagging him off would automatically accept their husbands dressing in a way they found unattractive and not say anything about it.

I find it liberating to be able to 'dress my age' if I want. I was in a shop, a brand typically aimed at an older demographic, and saw a dress I liked, I automatically asked myself if it was 'too old' for me - then I thought, I'm in my 50s now - of course it's not too old for me. I mean, there's no reason really why I shouldn't have bought it had I been in my 20s, but realistically there will be judgy types (like your DH) and it was just pleasant to think no one would judge.

That's a nonsensical question though isn't it?

Attraction is multilayered.

And aesthetics are part of that. I would never be attracted to a man who wore a grey tracksuit. If DH, my lovely dapper husband, who I'm wildly attracted to suddenly started to wear a generic grey tracksuit, slung low on the hips and stopped washing his hair, I'd be concerned.

I'd be genuinely worried about him and his state of mind.

That's very different to me texting him and asking him not to 'dress old' and say 'no woman's going to fancy you in that'.

That would be about me, and my worries about how the world perceived me.

Not about any concerns for my husband.

Yep. Asshole.

Would give me the ick too!

Please, OP, do not discuss things like 'what i want for my future' via text!

If the OP wants to dress like a 95yo, so be it. No one should make a comment on that. Let alone her H who’d prefer someone ‘looking younger’ than she is.

So would you genuinely say nothing if your husband started dressing in a way that you found unattractive?

Why? Is everyone supposed to be dressing a certain way and if you dint then it’s ok for anyone to criticise and belittle someone?

If the OP wants to dress like a 95yo, so be it. No one should make a comment on that. Let alone her H who’d prefer someone ‘looking younger’ than she is.

I would say that if you get to the point where you have to discuss how to improve your relationship by text and his main suggestion is 'wear younger clothes', you might need to move on and accept that the marriage is over...

If you want the marriage to continue that is. If not, then just end it already.

There is a lot more going on here. A marriage in trouble, I'm guessing, and his not-so-delicate way of saying he's not as attracted to you anymore. I think you both need to focus less on the clothes issue and figure out where the love, respect, and attraction have gone.

I would have said: “Is it OK for me to dress like this as your ex wife? Because that’s what I am about to become.”

Twat. In the bin he goes.

How the lady chooses to dress is completely irrelevant, if a relationship is healthy and normal, she will look good in a bin liner. The type of comment made by him shows a complete lack of masculinity and confidence, in other words a petty school boy bully.

I remember one of my exes, lovely bloke but very old-fashioned, asked me what I was going to wear in the bedroom for him. I asked him.what he was going to wear for me😁

If you had asked 'what do you think of how I dress?" I can understand wanting to be honest , bur there are better ways of saying it. And it isn't what was asked

Quite.

Sick of these men subjecting us to their relentless rants and making the whole thread about them and what they think they're entitled to. The entire thread has become about him rather than the OP.

Anyhoo @tellmesomethingtrue he's obviously a dick, I do apologise for taking your thread off point.

Your husband is an arse.

Any man that questioned what I wore would immediately be put on the 'Fuck off' list.

I'm not an adjunct, I'm a person with my own thoughts and feelings.

The only time it would be ok is if it was a symptom of depression or unhappiness, so if I started to dress very differently in a non-self-care way & my husband said 'Are you ok Liberty?'.

Anything else is not about love.

I think it makes it worse that he did this over text.

He wrote it and read it first before he sent it or wrote it and sent it, either way he doesn’t seem concerned on how OP would feel about it and that it would hurt her.

You dressing younger ‘as his wife’ is his vision for your shared future? Ugh, he’s a shallow, misogynistic dick. Sorry OP.

You were asking each other what you want for the future via text?
I think there are bigger problems here than what you wear.