Will I regret not trying for a third child?

I have 2 def costly as they older. 3 is alot if in hobbies or school activities. My friends 3rd was autistic. So its alot to factor in.

I've got one. He was born prematurely. I'm not keen on going through that again so 1 it is for us. I think 2 would send me off and would be a big age gap.

You disagree with what? I said it’s sensible to stop at 2. I demonstrated why asking those questions doesn’t always lead to a decision to stop at 2, and it’s silly to say that once you have 3 you’ll want 4.

Not everything on MN has to be a fight 😂

We planned on having one child and had twins. Turned out perfect but wouldn’t have wanted any more.

Stopped at 2 and so glad we did. Two same sex close in age who get on meaning we have been able to do so much as a family. - travel / theatre etc. Would have been harder with a third.

Remember the dds about 8 and 6 and doing a lovely activity as a 4. The other family doing it were same as us but with a screamy toddler. The mum was totally taken up with him so not taking part at all.

Also teens are extremely expensive and emotionally demanding even easy ones. I wouldn’t have it in me to do that a third time and in menopause. And then 3 sets of uni fees!!!

I disagree. It is perfectly sensible to pose this questions when your hormones are all over the place making you so broody you yearn with everything in your body for another baby.
I was that person. It was so hard but I thought long and hard about those questions and that helped me decide to stick at two. Your answers to the questions are different to mine hence you came to a different conclusion.

There are plenty of women having 3 children.

Why do you think the two child UC cap was brought in? It wouldn't be such a controversial thing if there weren't many people having 3 children.

People do regret the child they had.
It's a taboo, so it's not spoken about much. Don't have another child because you want another baby.
However. You have two children, you are very fortunate, so give them your attention, affection, focus and energy.
Plus - buckle up for the teenage years!

I had two miscarriages per baby and ds2 was born very poorly at 27 weeks and didn't survive. Dd arrived 51 weeks later.

It was a struggle for us to get to two. DH wanted a third for the first year after dd was born; I couldn't face another loss. By the time I was ready dh wasn't. Then I was 40 which was my cut off point.

I regret it.

However, I wouldn't have had a second career and I don't know how we would have coped if a third had had disabilities.

I got broody as my younger left the baby stage - absolutely normal, I assume its basic biology!

DH was "no way" (Im an older Mum so that was part of his reasoning). We stopped, and it was right for us to do so. I must say I don't think my pelvic floor would have thanked me, 25 years on I have enough trouble with it as it is....

You haven’t hit the school years yet- I think once you have homework and extra curricular and play dates you will realise how much easier it is to stick at 2.

I think you have hit the nail on the head. The vast majority of threads like this are started by parents of small children who don't seem to have thought about the logistics of what it will be like when the children are older - expensive school unifirms, GCSEs, A levels, UCAS and university.

And yes to the problems getting bigger as they get bigger - bullying, friendship issues, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, mental health issues (been there, done that and got the T-shirt).

I didn't want my life to be defined by being a parent

Yes, I can totally identify with this.

I'm certain you won't regret it. We had the same dilemma and I'm so glad we stopped at two. I've always been able to give each child a lot of time and attention.
Now mine are older I've seem that as they get bigger, their problems become bigger and more complicated. I'm glad I only have two teenagers to worry about!
Also just the expense as they get older! I'm already stressing about university fees and not having enough money to help them out sufficiently. We'd be buggered if we had three kids to support through university (or whatever they choose to do).
I also feel that this urge to keep having more babies is mostly biological/hormonal. Now I'm in my late 40s and my hormones are disappearing, the broodiness has also completely disappeared!

I found that my body absolutely yearned for another as my fertility waned. But we didn’t go for it and now I am older I am SO glad that I didn’t. Once the hormones drop you will desperately want some life back for yourself.

As someone raised in a large family, also don’t underestimate the negative impact it has if you don’t have the time or resources you would ideally like to bestow upon the children you have. My parents were loving but they simply didn’t have enough time for each of us.

The jump from 2-3 was the hardest for me. just balancing the comments that say otherwise. It was also my toughest pregnancy and hardest infancy (reflux, tongue tie, wouldn’t sleep, had two other kids I needed to be present for). Almost broke relationship with partner and 10 years on it finally feels like we might make it through. Three also ruined my career as without family help it was too much to balance. Should point out - mine have additional needs, which were only diagnosed after having my third.

I know someone who had 2 children , decided to try for another to complete the family and hey had triplets. Life changed forever, new house, new car/van, new job to work around the babies, life is hectic. 3 at uni at the same time is not cheap!

I’m in the same position as you apart from my kids are slightly older. I’d love another one but our house is set up for 2DC (just done it all up). I don’t think my DC are made for sharing- they love each other but they’re not best friends and do need some time apart. My second was also very premature, which I don’t want to risk again. We also have a family member with significant learning disability which gives another perspective on things.

I’d love a third! However I know it’s not right for us so I am enjoying making the most of our family of four.

Would I love 4 adult children round at Xmas in 30 years time- yes! Do I want to raise 4 children- no.

I think this is the crux of it for me. Plus I really do believe it's about quality not quantity, I spend a lot of 1:1 time with each child, as does DH (and DH and I too with each other as well, plus our individual hobbies) I didn't want my life to be defined by being a parent, parenting 3 children how I parent 2 children would be all consuming (and not possible really) and not the lifestyle I want. But it's hard to imagine that when they're toddlers because you're in the thick of it then and you think "what's one more" but when they're older you can really see what one more really is (which for some is exactly what they're after of course, but not me).

My NCT friend has a seven year old, a four year old and number three has turned into six week old twins.

Two is perfect for you.

We had a really similar debate - we'd both always wanted 3 but once our second became a bit easier I was really torn between knowing I'd probably regret not having a third and knowing that life would definitely be easier and less expensive with only two. I'm now expecting our third next year, and don't regret it at all yet! I'm lucky in that we're financially OK and DH is very involved which makes it easier - though I'm under no illusions that things will be as calm and relaxed as had we stuck to two.

I'm also 100% feeling done - I was from as soon as I fell pregnant, just absolutely no desire for any more beyond three, so I don't think that never done feeling happens for everyone. I wonder if maybe it's more common if your favourite phase is the little kid bit? I can take or leave that so less of a problem for me!

You haven’t hit the school years yet- I think once you have homework and extra curricular and play dates you will realise how much easier it is to stick at 2. Would I love 4 adult children round at Xmas in 30 years time- yes! Do I want to raise 4 children- no. I also would love to rewind time and experience my two as babies again but I don’t actually want another child to potty train, teach to read etc.
i have friends with 3, and anything out the norm in their lives can do easily break the camels back. It looks like perm chaos too.

I know people who regret their 3rd and indeed their 2nd children so agree that quote is bollocks. OP I was the same as you but going from 3-4 rather than 2-3. We stuck at 3 - very much head over heart - and I’m really glad we did.

You need to balance this against the impact on the planet though. We can't all keep on having 3 DC.

I regret trying for a third. I got pregnant after maybe 18 months then had a miscarriage. It's two years after my MC still no 3rd baby but I'm two years older and feel it but can't bring myself to go on contraception. I started TTC at 22 and with a few gaps in between being pregnant and a whole lot of not trying not preventing I hate that I'm still in that same position 10 years later. I really wish I had just left the thing alone and been more content with my lot. I'm moving towards stopping trying and actually over the last few years if anything I've just made myself sadder. The stupid thing is that we have two lovely children who give us so much joy and we all have such a lovely time together.

We need more mothers to have 3 rather than 2 DCs.

The UKs birth rate is below replacement. There will be no pension soon enough as there aren't enough young people to pay their parents' pensions.

But also another dc brings such joy. I had a 3rd with a bigger gap. They all love each other so much. There's not that competitiveness you get between 2. Plus as adults their DCs are likely to have more cousins, more aunties & uncles, more support, more fun.

It's a long term investment in your whole family.

I wish my parents had more dc.

It’s sensible to stop at 2 OP. 3 feels like double the work of 2.

However people’s reasons aren’t actually that helpful - could I cope with twins? No but would if I had to.
Could I cope with a disability? No but would if I had to, and my existing kids could become disabled at any point.
What impact will a third have on your existing 2? - overwhelmingly positive.
Once you’ve had 3 you’ll want 4 - nope, I was done the second number 3 was born.

Hence it’s the trickiest decision.