Will I regret not trying for a third child?

Someone said “you’ll never regret the child you had. You may regret not having the child you wanted”

This gets trotted out over and over again on here. But it isn’t true.

I had a 3rd when DS1 was 14 and DS2 was 3. I have never regretted it, but i’ve been doing the school run for 26yrs now! 18 months until DD goes to uni, then I might get some time for me! Uni is mega expensive, as most get minimum loan (unless household income is less than 30k ish) and parents need to top up. Almost as expensive as nursery days. I think life is harder with 3 little ones, I had a gap but had to deal with the teens, toddler and newborn simultaneously. I largely went for a 3rd as I wanted to try for a DD. Had DS2 been a girl, i’m not 100% i’d have had a 3rd. Its nice to have 3 kids though, i’ve been incredibly lucky with the teen years, none have been a problem or moody etc.

Quit while you're ahead without a doubt. Financial, environmental, providing attention, support, time etc. Two is plenty. One in each hand.

Do you have alot of support ? I would love many children 🤣 but we are stopping at 2 because it's just me and my husband we don't have any family nearby that help in anyway. I have a 4 and a 2 year old and I'm just starting to get my life back. I can't imagine having any time to myself at all with 3 kids it would just be too much and a disservice to the kids we already have.

Would any of them actually go back and change anything though. They'd all have their 3 kids all over again, it's tough however many kids you have. Don't for a second think any parent saying it would be easier to have one less would ever change that.

Now at teen / uni years and friends with 3 are literally saying “wtf were we thinking” about their choice to have to do this 3 times over. It’s a harder tougher world now and more is demanded of parents emotionally physically and financially than was the case for our parents when we were teens.

I was in exactly this dilemma last year and we went for it and had our third. I'm 40 now and there is a 10yr age gap between my eldest and the baby but I'm so happy we did it. I'm not going to lie, it's hard! Pre teen emotions while you're up with a crying baby all night plus an 8yr old is not perfect but I finally feel complete if that makes sense. It always felt like someone was missing. It is exhausting tho 😂

I think about a 3rd daily, my children are 11 and 6 and I am 33, I'm so torn between don't start again and thinking yes go for it

I have 2 and for a year after ds2 was born I really wanted for a third. But my now ex husband wasn't keen although I think he'd have gone for it if I really wanted one, but we decided against it for financial reasons.

I am so, so glad we didn't. I'm a single parent now and the kids are 9 and 6. A couple of my friends have 3 children and their lives look too hectic for me to cope with. It's different of course if you have a supportive partner but I don't. No more nappies, buggies, only have to consider 2 children's needs rather than 3. Finding things that they both like to do is easy. No, I don't regret it for a single second

That's so sad. Each child is an individual and going to those groups with each of them is as special as the others. Also very selfish of her to not do it for her child's sake.

I still sometimes see people with 3 and feel slightly regretful but overall am happy with the choice to stick with 2. Experiences we couldn't have done with 3, the fact eldest is autistic (only recently diagnosed) and needs extra support, finances etc plus ability to focus on them more in a way I imagine is harder with 3 to have individual time with them

@AgainandagainandagainSS Once you have 3 you will want 4 WTF!!!! Loads of people want 3 but not 4!!!

My 3rd broke me. We planned on 4 but it was hard going from 2 to 3. I love them dearly but life is easier, cheaper and more manageable with 2

One of my friends has four DC. She says that the youngest missed out on soft play and toddler groups because by then my friend was just so done with going to them.

I totally understand. My ache started during covid and it got worse for about 9 or 10 months. I cried at my husband regularly about it but he was not for moving. To be honest I was totally over taken by it and couldn't see sense. It took a huge family tragedy for me to realise I had to be grateful for what I had and honestly I've never looked back. I do have a baby nephew now and while I love him I know I couldn't go back. Life is also very busy with my kids and work. I did take up running and have ran 2 marathons in the last 2 years. It is definitely not something I'll regret in years to come. We have a good life and I'm thankful for that.

I have 2 DC and was an identical age to you when they were 1 and 4. At exactly this time I had a massive, hormonally driven desire for a 3rd (logically I didn’t want any more).

Im extremely glad we didn’t. My eldest is autistic. They are only getting more difficult to care for, not less and their needs aren’t actually that great in the overall scheme of things. Number 2 is my darling and the apple of my eye but sometimes I feel life would have been a lot easier if they hadn’t been born, let alone a 3rd. My two will likely never have a tight sibling relationship.

If you have 2 healthy kids and a good life I absolutely wouldn’t roll the dice again. My view is obviously bias but I really don’t think people quite realise the risks they are taking every time they have a child.

Having a third child was the best thing we ever did. Often dh talk about how grateful we are that we went for it.

Then you end up being stuck at the primary school for bloody years. I was totally over that when dd2 left can’t imagine still slogging along there for another 4/5 years!

A family member had a third child and that child was autistic and I mean the special school and 24/7 care for life variety. It had an enormous impact on the family, as it was bound too. As others have mentioned that is a risk. Other variables are how much support from your partner and extended family? Are your family close enough to give support , even how old are your parents-are they likely to need support? Sometimes you'll want to do things with your eldest eg a theatre trip which the others are too young for. An issue with two but harder with three, plus the enormous cost of the teenage, young adult years when the paren(s) aren't spring chickens any more. I guess I'm making clear which way I am thinking. Best wishes anyway, whatever you decide.

I honestly don't think you'll regret it.

In an ideal world I'd have had 3, but I just couldn't face another 3-4 years of fulltime childcare costs, and having to have a bigger house and bigger car and less to go around. I also wasn't sure if a condition with my hip joint might slow me down in my 40s and it wouldn't be good if I still had a young child then (which I might have if I'd gone for a 3rd). That didn't come to pass, but I still don't regret it.

I half heartedly tried for a third but nothing happened for years - technically I guess I could be in for a surprise but my youngest is ten now and not a sniff.

I'm relieved. Kids are 10 and almost 13 and are incredibly expensive- adult size trainers, many clubs and a life style where they don't really go without. We're not finding this easy and a third would be tough.

I'm also pleased as the dynamic would be odd with a baby on their own, I'd need twins to have a friend for baby.

I don't find parenting less demanding at this age, it's full on, I give it my all and kids are amazing but it takes effort, I'm not sure I've got the energy for another.

Thankful to have two healthy, kind, happy children who I get on really well with and that's enough.

I also agree that that quote is a load of nonsense. 3 years ago I posted the exact same question here and was told something similar. At the time I had a physical pain I wanted a third child so much. My husband never did. Now 3 years on I'm so glad we didn't. We have an 11 and 9 year old and my 11 year old is quite challenging. I work with kids who have profound difficulties and I see the tool it takes on their families daily. They have to fight for everything. I have friends with children who have additional needs and things that would never enter my head have to be planned for in minute detail. We have a good life and are financially secure and could have afforded another baby but children are expensive and I know if I had a child with disabilities it would have broken me.

Best of luck if you do decide to go for it.

We realised that we didn’t agonise for a moment whether to have dc1 or dc2 but were. doing so for dc3. So took that as our answer. Once the fog of hormones subsided were very glad of our choice. Imo 3 is too many our extended family struggles to host 3 families plus parents comfortably as it’s 15 people and our house is a decent size.