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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be worried about who im due to marry

81 replies

rorymary · 12/10/2024 20:01

We are getting married in 6months, I'm honestly doubting myself.

We have a young child together, plus a child each from previous relationships. It was all great to start with, even up until after ds was born then the cracks started.

Trouble with his family. His negativity, his influence on my dd, such as swearing and general teasing, in a "jokey" way.

Recently he has been so grumpy and angry, i feel like im walking on eggshells. Not because im scared of him, it's more just to be aware incase i need to stop him swearing out of anger infront of the kids or generally bringing the mood down.

Am i nuts to be marrying him?

Of course there are good things about him, but i honestly struggle to care about them when he gets like this

OP posts:
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mossylog · 13/10/2024 15:25

Plenty of people I know whose marriages broke down saw there were red flags beforehand but ignored them...

Lilith666 · 13/10/2024 12:32

I agree with previous posts, red flags, listen to your gut instinct. If you marry this man, it will get worse, not better. Get out of this relationship asap. Good luck with your future and find someone deserving of you.

Member984815 · 13/10/2024 11:41

If you are having doubts don't do it

Ihadenough22 · 13/10/2024 11:40

I would not marry him. He is making jokey comments to your daughter that are not funny. In fact I say that your daughter hates him doing this. Then he is angry and could be a man who is just looking for a reason to give out or fight over the smallest thing. Men like him can be worse if they have had a few drinks.
You are aware of what the rest of his family are like as well and he sounds like them.
If he is like this 6 months before the wedding he is showing you his true colours and it will get worse after you get married. He had kids before you met him and you had a daughter before you got pregnant with his baby.
I would end things with him and sort out child maintenance with the CMS. Let him see his child but don't make your life, your daughter and the baby's life a misery by marrying him.

If you marry him your going to end up in an unhappy marriage and your daughter will end up with a horrible childhood. She will resent you for putting her through this.
Your the adult here and it time to end things with him for everyone sake.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 13/10/2024 11:35

I genuinely hope the OP comes back, and listens carefully to some of the poster's who have been through the same thing and had the same doubts.

Sailonsilverrgirl · 13/10/2024 11:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Breatheincalmbreatheouttension · 13/10/2024 10:32

Terrribletwos · 12/10/2024 20:17

You are scared of him if you're not calling him out on his behaviour.

Trouble with his family, negativity, his approach with your daughter, all negative and shit really.

Definitely leave him.

This.

CurlewKate · 13/10/2024 10:30

You don't have to "trust your gut" You only have to look at objective reality. Do not marry this man. He is vile to your children and you're walking on eggshells. Dump and move on!

OneToThree · 13/10/2024 08:09

Of course you don’t marry him. If you’re on eggshells your daughter will be too. Also fuck the “joking” thing, I’m sure your dd doesn’t find it funny. Protect your dd and baby and leave him.

AutumnalCosiness · 13/10/2024 08:04

I think you have your answer op.

LightSpeeds · 13/10/2024 08:00

Another vote for 'don't get married' here.

This is bad enough - but could get a lot worse...

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 13/10/2024 07:36

Bondiblondie · 12/10/2024 22:11

Nothing worse than an angry man. Or a man that teases children . Don’t marry him, listen to what your gut is saying.

When i was a kid, i had an uncle who would constantly wind me up and generally say things that he knew would irritate me.

In hindsight, i wish my mum had told him to give it a rest.
Like 'ha ha...it was mildly funny the first time you said it. But, move on, now'.

I didn't even live with this man, and i dreaded seeing him.
Your daughter has no respite from this dickhead.
That sort of behaviour is very corrosive.

Listen carefully to your gut...the anxiety is giving you some excellent advice.

Be brave and call it off. You might lose some deposits, etc. But that's much cheaper than a divorce.

Lottemarine · 13/10/2024 07:26

Sounds like warning signs, if you are already doubting it then maybe that’s your answer.

MzHz · 13/10/2024 07:24

He’s showing you who he is

he thinks he’s got you hooked and he’s letting the mask slip

How long have you been with him?

I feel that this is a sign of worse to come. Things like this never get any better, only worse. This is classic abusive man behaviour.

call the wedding off now and make plans to get you kids out of this situation

this is not your fault, but only you can save yourself and the kids now you know. If you stay any longer, knowing what kind of man he is, the harm is on you.

Londonrach1 · 13/10/2024 07:22

Listen to your gut don't marry him

hattie43 · 13/10/2024 07:19

If you have doubts now I'd listen to them . I wouldn't go into a marriage if things aren't
great .

outdamnedspots · 13/10/2024 07:13

Good for you for listening to your gut instinct. Don't marry him. Things will get worse. He is showing you who he is, and you're right not to want to marry him.

Are you safe? Do you want to end the relationship?

HarrietTheFireStarter · 13/10/2024 06:19

Don't marry him. And don't have any more children with men who you don't know very well.

RedHelenB · 13/10/2024 05:49

Raininginparadise2 · 12/10/2024 20:13

Do not marry him. If he doesn't enhance your life then dump him. You should not be walking on egg shells.

This. There should be no doubts when you marry.

sarahzbaker · 13/10/2024 00:51

It seems this may be a bad idea
If you have red flags - no

Celticgold · 13/10/2024 00:32

Listen to your gut! It’s always right. it’s trying to tell you something but I suspect you know that already. Better to call it off than divorce a short time later. Your gut is like reminding you it’s a red flag.

SidhuVicious · 13/10/2024 00:24

I'd think very carefully about whether this is a good move. Definitely don't marry him out of the belief of 'it's too late to go back now'.

SnowFrogJelly · 13/10/2024 00:17

Run for the hills

Velvetbee · 13/10/2024 00:08

Noooo! Don’t do this.

PeriPeriMam · 13/10/2024 00:02

100% no