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Original poster

Controlling or not?

140 replies

SkinnyP · 12/10/2024 17:43

Husband moans a lot. Moan moan moan.
Last night 16 year old DD wanted to go to a concert in the next town around 5 miles away.

She hardly goes out, she's at home a lot so she asked if I could take her and pick her up at 9pm. I said yes.

My husband is my DD step dad. I car-share with my Husband. He rang me at work absolutely fuming that I had agreed to take her and pick her up. Saying she's 16 needs to make her own way etc. She gets anxiety getting the bus etc.

I said I'm taking her end of story, she doesn't ask often.

My DD then rang me as he told her that I couldn't take her as he was taking the car and he wouldn't be home. I told her to ignore him and I would be taking her.

I was absolutely raging. I still am today. I haven't spoken to him hardly! He then asked "you due on your period or something?"

I'm starting to resent him.

We are out tonight for a preplanned meal. Already he's moaned about someone has messed with the wing mirror in the car, I was cold so had the heating on, he moaned at that cos he was 'burning up' so turned it off, then the sat nav women was annoying!

I feel like I'm walking round with a cloud of doom over my head. I feel like I'm going mental.

OP posts:
Original poster
SkinnyP · 12/10/2024 20:17

I just feel embarrassed all the time. We are out for a pre planned meal. My daughter had her friend over to stop. It's few and far between when her friends come to stay, it isn't every weekend.
In front of our friends he openly says look at her having her friend stop, going behind my back are you! It's embarrassing.
She's a good kid rarely goes out or has anyone over.
The table went silent. Everyone didn't know were to look.

OP posts:
TheRomanticOutlaw · 12/10/2024 19:08

RickiRaccoon · 12/10/2024 19:04

I don't know if it's controlling but he's definitely moody and deliberately upsetting others and dragging them into his misery with him. Had he always been like that? Some people do turn into miserable *s as they age.

I HATE that period question. Unless you have form for actually being influenced by your hormones at particular time of the month, it's misogynistic -- suggesting women aren't allowed emotions without attributing them to their periods/ hormones. Essentially he's allowed to be a grump but you're not.

Me too, the one question that's probably going to make a woman feel stabby, whether she's having a period or not.

RickiRaccoon · 12/10/2024 19:04

I don't know if it's controlling but he's definitely moody and deliberately upsetting others and dragging them into his misery with him. Had he always been like that? Some people do turn into miserable *s as they age.

I HATE that period question. Unless you have form for actually being influenced by your hormones at particular time of the month, it's misogynistic -- suggesting women aren't allowed emotions without attributing them to their periods/ hormones. Essentially he's allowed to be a grump but you're not.

TheRomanticOutlaw · 12/10/2024 19:03

When did he get like this? was it sudden, or has he just gradually evolved into this misery? I'm assuming he hasn't always been like this.

Newdaynewstarts · 12/10/2024 19:03

His attitude towards your dd is disgraceful. What a pathetic way for a man to behave towards a child. Please don’t let him make her resent you for not telling him to shut the f up and back the F off.

BobbyBiscuits · 12/10/2024 19:02

He sounds very difficult and not fun to be around. I think his car seems to be a bone of contention. Could you not have got your daughter and her mates to split the cost of a taxi? Then the same on the way home? Even if it means they all crashed at one person's house at the end of the night?
I'd try not to rely on him for transport as he's just going to be a dick about it.

OhMaria2 · 12/10/2024 19:01

Do you like this guy? Does your daughter?
Is it worth keeping him around?

TheRomanticOutlaw · 12/10/2024 18:59

taking your 16 year old daughter to a gig in another town is normal parent behaviour. Him being so annoyed about it that he tells her that he'll have the car so she can't have a lift is not. Petty and trying to get his way. He sounds awful, now wonder you feel the way you do.

SoDemure · 12/10/2024 18:57

He sounds controlling and miserable.

But you also need to address your DDs anxiety about getting the bus (although no harm in pickingher up from the next town late at night). But anxiety over taking the bus generally is also concerning.

WhatIsThisTomFoolery24 · 12/10/2024 18:55

He sounds awful.

ahemfem · 12/10/2024 18:54

He is weirdly jealous of you doing anything for your daughter I would leave him. This is not good for her.

NowImNotDoingIt · 12/10/2024 18:52

What are the benefits of this relationship?

I can definitely see a lot of negatives, for you and your daughter.

thistimelastweek · 12/10/2024 17:48

Doesn't matter what his intention is, he's a drag. A joyless drag.

And he's going to drag you down with him if you let him

LyingPaintSample · 12/10/2024 17:47

How dare he ring her and override your offer of a lift!!

Do you ever get away from him? And how does it feel when he's not there? That's what made me realise... I felt better when he wasn't there, involved in destroying our plans or bringing everyone down with his shitty attitude.

MrSeptember · 12/10/2024 17:45

He sounds horrible. I have no idea if it's controlling behaviour or just wanker behaviour. I think most of us would drive a 16 year old to a concert in another town. What doe she add to your lives?

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