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AIBU?

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Original poster

Controlling or not?

140 replies

SkinnyP · 12/10/2024 17:43

Husband moans a lot. Moan moan moan.
Last night 16 year old DD wanted to go to a concert in the next town around 5 miles away.

She hardly goes out, she's at home a lot so she asked if I could take her and pick her up at 9pm. I said yes.

My husband is my DD step dad. I car-share with my Husband. He rang me at work absolutely fuming that I had agreed to take her and pick her up. Saying she's 16 needs to make her own way etc. She gets anxiety getting the bus etc.

I said I'm taking her end of story, she doesn't ask often.

My DD then rang me as he told her that I couldn't take her as he was taking the car and he wouldn't be home. I told her to ignore him and I would be taking her.

I was absolutely raging. I still am today. I haven't spoken to him hardly! He then asked "you due on your period or something?"

I'm starting to resent him.

We are out tonight for a preplanned meal. Already he's moaned about someone has messed with the wing mirror in the car, I was cold so had the heating on, he moaned at that cos he was 'burning up' so turned it off, then the sat nav women was annoying!

I feel like I'm walking round with a cloud of doom over my head. I feel like I'm going mental.

OP posts:
Firefly1987 · 13/10/2024 03:29

I love a good moan (find it cathartic) but your poor DD. Assume he doesn't have kids himself, you're not suited and he resents your child. I've said it before but parents dating those without children is often a disaster.

Ladyof2024 · 13/10/2024 03:27

ltb

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/10/2024 03:00

You know you need to leave him.

JMSA · 13/10/2024 03:00

I couldn't be with someone so negative. And he should have seen how beneficial the concert would be for your daughter.

ThePoetsWife · 13/10/2024 02:58

Your poor DD.

Dump him.

FrauPaige · 13/10/2024 02:54

SkinnyP · 13/10/2024 01:35

No we don't have any together

Show quote history

Then you absolutly know what you have to do - for your own sanity and self-esteem, and for your 16 year old daughter. You both deserve better and are likely better off on your own in a more positive environment. Be strong.

Lavenderandbrown · 13/10/2024 02:27

Oh so now he’s pouting and “punishing you” by sleeping downstairs. Any suspicions there might be someone else?

Chucklit · 13/10/2024 02:22

He's already overriding how you physically feel even in terms of being warm. He's taken aim at your DD. It will only get worse. Disgusting behaviour, get you and your DD away from this before she ends up learning that it's "normal" for men to treat women in this way. You have to act here. I was just one of so many kids who had a mother who didn’t stand up for them against the person she was in a relationship with who was actively abusing her kids. As a direct result I don’t have a relationship with her to this day.

LifeExperience · 13/10/2024 02:18

Stop subjecting your daughter to his verbal abuse. You are teaching her that this is normal marital behaviour. Your child deserves better.

TinySmol · 13/10/2024 02:03

The solution here is divorce.

ImNoSuperman · 13/10/2024 01:43

Does he own the house?

Original poster
SkinnyP · 13/10/2024 01:35

FrauPaige · 13/10/2024 01:30

I think you know what you have to do

Other than your 16 yo daughter that he is step dad to, do you have children together?

No we don't have any together

OP posts:
LibertyCaps · 13/10/2024 01:34

He's a bad man. It's inarguable.

Not OK.

Keep him around if you like terrible men around your daughter.

Alalalala · 13/10/2024 01:32

Your poor kid. Don’t inflict him on her any longer, let alone you.

FrauPaige · 13/10/2024 01:30

I think you know what you have to do

Other than your 16 yo daughter that he is step dad to, do you have children together?

KillerTomato7 · 13/10/2024 01:11

You should leave him and find someone who isn’t an awful human being in every respect.

Mmhmmn · 13/10/2024 01:09

He sounds like a grumpy horrible git. They want to make everyone around them as miserable as they are.

Original poster
SkinnyP · 13/10/2024 01:03

RickiRaccoon · 12/10/2024 19:04

I don't know if it's controlling but he's definitely moody and deliberately upsetting others and dragging them into his misery with him. Had he always been like that? Some people do turn into miserable *s as they age.

I HATE that period question. Unless you have form for actually being influenced by your hormones at particular time of the month, it's misogynistic -- suggesting women aren't allowed emotions without attributing them to their periods/ hormones. Essentially he's allowed to be a grump but you're not.

He's always been a bit of a moaner but it's gotten worse.

I've just told him on the way home I'm really starting to dislike you. I was freezing cold in the car, I was driving, I only had a little jacket on after being out for a meal so I turned the heater on. I was actually shaking.

He turned the heater off. He was sat there in a coat. I turned it back on and said I'm absolutely freezing! His response how the heck can you be freezing!!! He turned the heater off. A 40 min car journey home and I was absolutely frozen.

His response now is to not f@ckin speak to him because I told him im really starting to dislike him. He said that's all he needed to hear.

No wonder the way he makes me feel. Embarrassing me at a table in of people saying I've gone behind his back cos my DD has a friend over whilst we were out!

My friend who we was out with said he was out of order for saying that at the table, and said what's the problem, teenagers hang around with their friends? When I told him, he said she will stick up for you cos women stick up for women!

He's gone and slept downstairs absolutely raging because I told him, I'm really starting to dislike you.

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 12/10/2024 21:24

He sounds like a right miserable wanker. I wouldn't be living with that. Get rid.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 12/10/2024 21:10

It really is time to choose... Please opt to save your relationship with your dd..... Ime he is a cunt who will only get worse....

AgainandagainandagainSS · 12/10/2024 21:08

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 12/10/2024 21:02

She needs you to get him out of her life asap

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This.
Horrible man. I wouldn’t want my 16yo getting the bus alone in the dark and cold after a concert when we have the option to pick her up.

LittleGreenDragons · 12/10/2024 21:08

He is bullying her, no wonder she is anxious.
He is controlling you, no wonder you feel unsettled and "mental".

This man is not a good man, are you able to break away?

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 12/10/2024 21:02

SkinnyP · 12/10/2024 20:17

I just feel embarrassed all the time. We are out for a pre planned meal. My daughter had her friend over to stop. It's few and far between when her friends come to stay, it isn't every weekend.
In front of our friends he openly says look at her having her friend stop, going behind my back are you! It's embarrassing.
She's a good kid rarely goes out or has anyone over.
The table went silent. Everyone didn't know were to look.

She needs you to get him out of her life asap

Imbusytodaysorry · 12/10/2024 21:02

SoDemure · 12/10/2024 18:57

He sounds controlling and miserable.

But you also need to address your DDs anxiety about getting the bus (although no harm in pickingher up from the next town late at night). But anxiety over taking the bus generally is also concerning.

She is probably a nervous wreck living with her bully of a step dad . Can’t say he will be doing much for her confidence !!

Imbusytodaysorry · 12/10/2024 21:00

He is a bully and nasty .
How long has your Dd had to put up with this man ???
are you happy ? Can you leave ? Do you want to leave ?

I feel sorry for your Dd. I really do .

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