Controlling or not?

I asked to get a little run around he said no we cannot afford to run two cars.

So you always allow him to have the final say?

My late husband could be a selfish controlling prick. If I did something minor to displease him, or had the temerity to stand up to him, he would "punish me". One of the few ways he could do this was by hiding the car keys so I couldn't use it. Once he even put a big chain round the steering wheel/pedals so that I couldn't drive it. He would be nasty, even to our two teen DDs. He started telling them to 'fuck off out of it' when they were late teens, and they would ask me when we were going to leave and move out. I finally found the guts to do it in 2021and it was the best, most peaceful time of our lives.

Seriously OP, if you can, leave this sorry arse. He has no respect for you or your DD and it actually sounds as though he dislikes you. You'll feel such relief when you're not having to deal with this.

I will add, if it was a case of driving one of our DDs somewhere, he'd be grateful it was me doing it and he didn't have to get up off his lazy arse.

He doesn't actually care about you and your daughter. His wants and needs come first, he argues your needs down and decides for you what you should want and need. It is abusive.

If my partner spoke to me or my DD15 like that he would be an ex.

Hes clearly a misogynist from what you have written.

He's simply not a good man or role model for you or your DD.

You've admitted to him that you don't like him, and he's sulking.

Honestly, you need to divorce this piece of faecal matter because he's seriously destroying your (and your DD's) mental health ffs !

Even simply witnessing how he speaks to you both will undermine her confidence as a female, and give her the idea that he's 'right' because she watches you 'put up with' his abusive behaviour !

He is a selfish, arrogant, ignorant prick, with zero redeeming features and a whole truckload of misogynistic behaviours and 'beliefs' ffs !

You need to get your finances and housing sorted and then divorce this abusive prick asap !

@SkinnyP you said you car share - so you do need to check in with each other that the car is available? Did you buy it between you or was it his or yours? Do you fill it with fuel after you use it? Or does it fall to him? Perhaps he was annoyed about you using it and he always ends up filling it. So I could understand that being frustrating.

The rest of it? I’d dump him, he sounds awful. Sorry.

He sounds awful OP, he’s only going to get worse. Your poor DD living with him, he obviously doesn’t like her. I would look into if the relationship is worth it, he sounds nasty and controlling. it’s both your car not just his, and I agree it shouldn’t be a problem to pick up your own dd if you want, or have the heating on in the car just to get warmed up a little!! I’m furious for you on the heating thing!! I would have switched it back on!! Would he ever become scary if you didn’t toe the line?

He is not a good man. I feel so sorry for your DD.

Can you split up easily? I reckon you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted if you get rid of him.

Tosser.

Time to set this dead weight free. You'll be much happier without this negativity in your life.

You should keep the car from now on and tell him to take the bus. If it's alright for a 16 year old girl on her own at night, it's should be fine for him.

All his sexist insults and he strops off downstairs like a child.

Please think about leaving him. You and your daughter would be so much happier.

He doesn't seem like he likes you or your daughter very much

This is all about control and power. Please don't give it to him

What a horrible man. The 'are you getting your period' comment in response to you getting justifiably angry is Olympic level misogyny.

He is jealous of your daughter and is treating her dreadfully.

I don't think anxiety about getting a bus at night is unusual. Most parents would prefer to pick their kids up rather than worry about their safety.

@SkinnyP please re-read this post.

Your husband does not think women are allowed opinions or choices unless approved by a man. Not only does he think women are "nothing" but he will physically over-ride a woman. We have specific words for these types of men. Chauvinistic, misogynistic, abusive, and a new one, incel. You need to protect your daughter, and in doing that you will be protecting yourself.

He's fired his warning shot at you regarding the car heating. How you respond to this will determine whether your relationship "survives", although it's not really a relationship is it. It's unsupportive, resentful, toxic, contemptuous and unhealthy. Is that kind of relationship worth saving?

My parents once picked me up from a gig in another town when I was 23 and had my own flat! It meant I could see the encore and not be rushing round a strange town late at night to get the last train/bus. It's normal and kind.

Oh, he's horrible. What a mean, mean man. Please divorce him.

Why get married and live together, just have a relationship and live apart, then you can do what you want in your own house. Does your DD actually like living with him.

The best Christmas present your daughter can get will be that man out of her life.
Otherwise he is going to ramp up and ramp.up to force her out when she turns eighteen.

he hates girls and women.

he thinks girls and women 'go behind his back'

he thinks he knows better than you, a silly woman, about how your own body feels when it's cold,

he thinks he knows better than you about what your daughter should do and if you don't ask his permission you're 'going behind his back'

he actively tried to make your daughter feel bad for no reason except to assert his authority.

if another woman (your friend) has an opinion it doesn't mean anything because she too is a silly woman and who isn't smart enough to see his superiority.

he is punishing you for daring to
gp against him

does your daughter not go anywhere because he makes a nasty comment everytime maybe?

leave him, show your daughter there's joy to be had

She is old enough to work it out herself ferrying her around like she is a young child does not help her

Separate to that he may be mean only you know that so if this is really the way he is and it is not because you are treating her like she is 2 then why are you subjecting her to this?

If this is just new behaviour on his part what has changed? If not why on earth are you with him?

Does she need to grow up or is he being unreasonable?