Controlling or not?

You don’t need to do anything in a rush @SkinnyP This all must feel very overwhelming at the moment. Take as much time as you need to process this all in your mind. Is there any friend or family member that you can confide in, who knows your situation better than we do?

Heater on your side and possibly taken their coat of and given to you if you are cold and they aren’t.

Most people wouldn’t complain about collecting a child and making sure they safe .

He wants all your attention on him .
Everything is about him
ayes he is controlling

Could you find somewhere smaller to rent?

Are you on the current tenancy?

Someone just posted a pdf link to the book I suggested on another thread www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Woman, young and old, have been taking the bus alone for decades. Travelling is never without risk but that can't stop us from leading our lives.

Is the car registered to you or him?

If it was mine, he'd never be using it again.

Of course he tries to make other people think he's lovely, because that further undermines you and your view on reality. Does anyone have book recommendations for OP? I've seen this one recommend before but haven't read it but if I was you I would read it - Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

You go ahead and list as much as you like. It really helps to write it all down, especially if you don’t have anyone in real life you feel you can confide in right now. I’m here to listen to you vent as much as you like 💐

Its also helpful to have this as a record for you to go back and re-read. Remind yourself that you aren’t going mad.

The more you write about him the clearer it is that he is a miserable, mean and selfish man.

Is there any love left there? Does he bring any happiness to your life? Or do you just feel stuck with him?

What is your housing/financial situation? Could you afford to go it alone?

It's probably good to list it because he has made you feel like it is all in your head and it's not. It's him. It is classic for abusers and controllers to make the other person feel like they are wrong, overreacting, too sensitive, etc. I think you know you need to leave him. Wishing you the strength you need.

How you’ve not screamed at him to shut the fuck up and fuck the fuck off is beyond me op, I feel for you I really do. Men like this are mentally exhausting, I hope you find a way to peace soon 💐

DH would've either said do you want me to do the lifts/split them or why don't we drop DC off and go for dinner/cinema etc while we wait. With the friend coming over thing there would've been no reaction at all, maybe have we got snacks etc in if they want them? Or are they eating before they coming over or shall we just tell DC to order in for both of them as we're eating out?
The car - I am often cooler than DH , if I wanted the heating on and he was warm but wearing a coat he would've taken the coat off.

He sounds horrible

I think OP is convincing herself, now she has heard from other women.
We all see that he is a git, OP.

Honestly OP, I hope it’s cathartic for you to list incidents where he’s been a knobhead, but you don’t need to convince us. We can all see he’s an abusive Wankbadger.

What do you plan to do about it?

He is vile.

If I was in the car driving with someone who had behaved like him and then did that - I would stop the car and tell them to get out and walk.

My husband puts the heating on in the house if he hears me cough because if I get cold I often cough. Because of this he often preemptively puts the heating on to make sure I don't get cold, he doesn't feel the cold that much and is usually in a t-shirt.

I don't have children but if I did he would ask if I wanted him to keep me company while I went pick my daughter up. He definitely wouldn't expect her to travel alone at night if she is anxious or overrule my plans.

I do get I am especially lucky and have a gem of a man, but yours is really just below par. I wouldn't want to live with him.

OP your life is miserable because of him. Get your ducks in a row and then divorce him. You and DD deserve peace and a new happy life without him.

I wouldn't want to live with someone who didn't care about the safety and mental well being of my child. Nor would I want to live with a cloud of negativity or someone who didn't care if I was freezing and not allow me to put a heater on. He doesn't care about either your needs or your daughters wishes and is totally controlling. Why be with someone who makes life worse?

There is nothing that is normal about this situation, where this man is such a joy sucking, controlling arsehole.
It has really made me sad for you, your daughter AND his adult child.

To have anything like a tolerable life, you are going to have to get rid of this moaning deadweight.
Or if you still want him (dunno why), you are going to have to really put your foot down and be a complete bitch, until he gets the message that he isn't the one in charge.
This is a lot of hard work to do, and it may not succeed in training him to be a nicer husband, at the end of the day.

But for now, until you decide if you're going to put up with his shit for ever or not, I would strongly suggest you get angry and refuse his every attempt at control.
And do not be reasonable about it, either.

From big things, like “I have decided I'm buying my own fucking car, what's it to do with you?” to things like “I am not freezing my tits off in this car just to make you happy, mate.”

You're not going mental, he's a bastard. And he is abusing your dc.

Time to think about how to extricate yourself from this horrible relationship.

He sounds absolutely horrible with no redeeming features. You can't stay with him. Please leave him for your own sake and your daughter's.