To call out tight friend or fade out

I imagine that will get scoffed at and it does sound a bit silly without having the individuals and their behaviour in mind 'someone doesn't stand their round, must be childhood trauma '. It's not lack of generosity exactly or entitlement.

I had a friend who was very good at avoiding buying rounds of drinks. There were four of us used to go out. In restaurants she wouldn't fully pay her share as in and I noticed her take out the extra money the rest of us had put in for a tip! Two of us pulled her up on it and stopped putting a tip down until she'd paid up.
There were quite a few incidents. One friend had a barbecue and tight arse made a big thing about she'd bring some food. She brought a box with 2 veggie sausages in.
This was ages ago now. There were other reasons than her tightness but two of us kind of faded her out.

I'm not saying it's definitely this but I know a couple of people who are like this (not close friends). The reasons are pretty complex so it may not be that she just that she doesn't care or feels entitled. I mean, it might be exactly that. I don't know her. But those I know it's quite traumatic childhood experiences that have lead to this quite odd behaviour. Nice people in other ways.

These people aren’t tight. They’re financially abusive and exploitive.

That's annoying.

If she has the money I suppose it's a choice of accepting it's a flaw of hers and keep inviting her but accept that a firm reminder 'i think it's your round, Sally', or 'let's split this' is inevitable at the end of the evening and not taking it to heart, and letting her go.

Depends how much this outweighs her friendship in other ways.

She isnt a nice person though? Nice people think nothing of paying their own way, and in fact want to do nice things, whether that's buying them a drink, or going for free activities so they can spend time together.

Nice people don't effectively steal from their friends in a blatant and disrespectful manner. They don't act like their money (and the time spent earning it) is more important than other people's.

I don't think she is a 'nice' person as this type of thing is usually a example of mistrust and paranoia. She feels put upon so entitled to other people's money.. or she is desperately afraid of being exploited and in trying to avoid that exploits others. Both are character traits that mean you cannot really trust this person.. as she doesn't really trust you or anyone else.
If she clearly does have disposable income, she just doesn't ever want to spend it on her friends then she flat out just isn't really a friend.
Being genuinely hard up is one thing.. but just letting everyone else always pay because there's some broken part of you that feels embittered and aggrieved, it's just not the mark of a 'nice' person

Whilst you should just be able to be honest, sometimes little lies are a bit easier. Just send her a message saying you are massively pulling your horns in, as are saving hard for "insert anything", and will only be able to pay for yourself from now on. We did this with a large group of friends as we found we were always subsiding their children, high end cocktails and wine and ridiculously extravagant 3 course meals. I am in no way, shape or form mean but I'm also not a fool.

I take back my earlier post. Bad atmosphere indeed. You've got yourself a cheeky fucker there, OP. In the bin with her!

I have a friend exactly the same. I just say ...your round next ...etc

Depends on whether she's worth the effort of creating new habits. It sounds like you pay for stuff and then she is supposed to reimburse you later. If so, just stop doing that. Tell her you're both paying your own share from now on and tell her why: 'You forget to pay me back and I hate chasing you for the money'. If she objects or huffs about it, you know what to do.
If she's not worth the effort, just let things fade. Friendship isn't supposed to be exhausting.

Ever said "your turn"?

Can I ask what happens at the bar or when the waiter comes? Does she suddenly need the loo or brazenly stay quiet or plead poverty then? I know you don't want to have the conversation but could you try saying outright 'we'll be getting our own tonight, ok?'

I have a friend exactly the same . After many incidents the last straw was arriving out for dinner late and with no purse and no phone so no means of paying a bean . I've slow faded her . Her attitude to money is really off putting . She'll spend thousands on a holiday but will quibble over 40p on a bill .

Do you feel that you know her well enough to actually discuss it?

Does she actually drink when you don’t & then expect you to pay for it? That, to me, is another level of cheek!!

I had a friend like that and did the fade out but now I’m older I would actually explain that I don’t want to be in touch any more and why.

Yes always seems to be very well off people who are like this (that's how they got there no doubt) but it's embarrassing and not right

Ah, I have a story about this!

Some years ago, I had a similar friend: yes, I had a bit more disposable income at the time, but I certainly wasn't in Lady Bountiful territory.

After endlessly picking up the tab (I know, I shouldn't have started in the first place), I decided enough was enough.

We went out for dinner one night and eventually asked for the bill, as you do.

Friend obviously expected muggins here to do the usual and pick it up, but I didn't.

And didn't. And didn't.

The better part of an hour passed, and eventually tight friend said, 'Ooh, we haven't paid the bill yet, have we?".

I replied, "No, you're right, we haven't. I got the last few times, I think it's your turn?".

They grudgingly pulled out their wallet and settled.

(Now, I should add that I did have the means to pay on me, because I was quite prepared for them to pull out an excuse and I wouldn't see a business out of pocket. I also found our waiter as we were leaving and gave them a VERY large tip to thank them for their patience.)

I do still see this person socially, because for all their parsimony they are actually quite good fun, but I don't do anything with them that costs money anymore.

It was a bit of a high risk gamble, but it paid off.

100% when it comes to food, pay for what you had and eyeball her until she coughs up.
Pleading poverty is ridiculous. I have friends who are multi millionaires, when we go out I insist I pay for my family.

I wouldn't necessarily phase them out ..but let's say you meet for coffee/drinks...I'd say at the start, let's just pay for ourselves then I'd just go up to the counter/bar and order/pay for myself only.

If I was at a dinner in a restaurant, I'd say to the waiter, I'll just be paying for what i had so the chicken and the glass of wine thanks.

I think Leontine had the right approach! Beat her at her own game…