To call out tight friend or fade out

How much do you think she has cost you over the years? And was it worth it?

I couldn't bear this level of disrespect from a friend. 'Friend' can have many definitions, however at the most basic level it should be someone who has your best interests at heart and doesn't try to take advantage of you.

That's ridiculous. How on earth can you still like her? I would be so upset at being used in this way. She sounds quite unpleasant.

Honestly OP just cut your losses now, the bitterness and general nastiness ran deeper than I realised when my ex-friend was doing this. In the end it all came out that she was well aware other people were subsidising her lifestyle and did it to everyone to enable her to save loads of money (she bought a car!). She was just full of envy which she used to justify her actions, I think that’s why we don’t hear from actual CF on here, they think they are justified and it’s levelling the playing field. Just think about how you’d react if your friend told you you’d been a bit tight, most people would be embarrassed and apologetic not slip back into their old ways.

It's not just the monetary value, it could be 50p or £50, they want something for nothing because they have a meanness of spirit.

What I find interesting is no one will admit to being like this. There's been hundreds of similar threads on here and everyone seems to know a tight CF but I've never seen anyone reply admitting that they pocket tips, or that they expect other friends to always pay the bill. So deep down they know it's cheeky and selfish but they don't care, they're the star and you're just cast in a supporting role.

You won’t be the only person funding her lifestyle. I’m sure A will pay for her coffee Monday morning, B will cover her cinema ticket Tuesday, C will cover her meal out Wednesday, D will pay for her taxi and drinks on Thursday etc etc… They take advantage from anyone they can.. and they’re usually better off than everyone put together.

There’s zero excuses for it. If they can’t afford it then they need to stay at home.

Honestly life is too short to be dealing with this. I'd send her message saying you don't want to be friends anymore and outline your reasons and then block.
It might help her in the long run .

She's not a friend, she's a user.

I'm ND and tight, probably with a helping of childhood trauma.

This isn't being tight, it's CFery of the highest order.

Dh has a friend who is so tight he should squeak when he walks. Dh is generous to a fault. Our older teen ds often drives them to/from when they go out. "Friend" lives 8 miles away in the opposite direction & expects to be collected & taken door to door. It doesn't seem to compute that he is adding 32 miles to the evening & doesn't give ds any share of fuel money (or more likely realises & doesn't care).
Although dh now eats before going out as he was always the one paying the bill for both of them.
I have given up commenting on it because all I get is "oh that's just what he's like".

I have a friend like this. She always wants to pay cash and is always a few £ short and asks me to put both hers and mine on my card then "forgets" to pay me.
She also asks for lifts and won't offer to pay towards parking.
She admits that if she owes someone money, she tries not to pay back.
So, I stopped going out with her as often, but when I do, I pay cash and say I'm not using my card.
If I drive somewhere I tell her I want money for petrol and parking before we leave.
Most unlike me, I am normally generous, but I'm not having someone make a fool of me.

When this happens-
and I don't enjoy chasing people to pay!
Don't chase her.
Just message before you next meet "you didn't send me the xxx from last time, so shall we say tonight is on you?"

Good luck

Meet her once more and when the bill comes say “thanks so much it was great to see you” and leave. She owes you (at least) one, and you’re happy to let the friendship go anyway, so a taste of her own medicine sounds like the way to leave it.

Ghost. Well, I'd do the constant excuses not to meet up approach until she asked why.

Begone, spongers!

Just ask for two bills.

Or when at the bar say you get this round, I'll get the next.

Don't give in, don't volunteer, don't pay and wait for her half.

I would start to say no or call her out.
If she won’t contribute towards anything then only pay for yourself and leave her to it. If she won’t pay 50/50 for a taxi then get one without her.

Harsh but nobody has enough money to pick up the slack for others these days and quite frankly a meal/drink/night out can be seen as a rare luxury these days.

Mumsnet BINGO here but I'd guess some sort of ND?

Friend is hyper-fixated on the FIRE plan, and isn't self-aware enough to be able to register how her behaviour may be affecting relationships and friendships, or the impact on others.

She doesn't have the cognitive ability to see the bigger picture/read between the lines, and the fact that OP has paid a few times means she thinks she's fine with it.

Either the OP can be incredibly direct/authoritative and spell out exactly what the expected behaviour/payment plan is or fade her out.

Personally as I've got older I'm emotionally softer but also more externally confident in just dropping people I find difficult.

I used to go along with behaviour because they had some redeeming qualities, or I liked being out and having company.

That was an age thing. Too busy to analyse people!

Now I'm the age where I think I'd be pissed off if I was struggling with health and work whilst my "friend" was on early retirement due to me subbing them.

Especially if the retirement plans involved me potentially subbing them even more...

If friends are "reason season or lifetime" she's season.

I wouldn’t go out with her anymore and I’d have the balls to tell her that it’s because I’m tired of being used for free meals and drinks. Friends don’t use each other that way. She’s selfish and greedy expecting free drinks, taxis and food. But it sounds like too many people enable her behaviour because she gets away with doing it more often than not.

Sorry, but she is totally taking you for a ride! Why on earth should you ( or anyone) pay for her food and drink? How do you think she justifies this in her mind?

You can deal with this by saying to the bar person / waiter etc ‘here is my share and she will pay for her own’.
But really, why would you keep bothering? Either have a very long conversation with her or just don’t bother with the friendship.

It's really up to you...if you have time and she adds a lot of value in other ways, I'd be strict about separate bills, you both get your own drinks, never share a cab or transport etc. Demote her to a group friend.

It actually does often seem to be the social norm in some groups for everyone to get their own drinks, go up to the bar separately. Most restaurants will be happy to do separate tabs for two people.

If she fades after this you know it's a calculated scrounging thing.

I think I'd have definitely got the friendship ick by now with the going through the bill bit tbh!

I genuinely believe tightness is a mental health issue.

I have a long term male friend that is cheap; though he always claims he’s ’frugal’ or ‘on a low budget’. None of these are true.

When we go out for meals I immediately ask for two bills. When we pay I remind him loudly to not be cheap and tip.

Somehow our friendship survives!

I always wonder what goes through the minds of people like this. I mean, does she think you’re much better off than her? That she’s doing you a favour by gracing you with her presence? Or that she has some god-given right to freebies? Even if she paid her way but not a penny over, that would be something (still tight, but acceptable) — but to just wait for you every time is SUCH CFery. I’d love to know how she justifies it to herself.