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Original poster

To call out tight friend or fade out

135 replies

Sherwooden · 12/10/2024 14:34

Hello,

For background I have a reasonably good friend of 10 years who is extremely tight, I have periodically called out things over the years and for a while things get better then go back to how they were before.

Tight as in always expecting others to pay for drinks, meals out, taxis etc. Always pleads poverty but has disposable income. Numerous examples over the years, some funny some not.

Whilst I enjoy her company her attitude to money puts me off spending time with her now and I am wondering if I just let the friendship fade. There hasn't been one particular incident recently I think its just cumulative!.

She is a nice person otherwise, but I find the constant grifter behaviour draining, I know if I see her and we do anything I will end up paying!, and no she doesn't enjoy free activities like walks etc!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 13/10/2024 12:58

Sherwooden · 13/10/2024 12:02

Thanks for your replies, I have been emboldened to remind her she never paid me for the last takeaway we shared , 40 in total so 20 each, at the time we got a takeaway I ordered it and so it was on my account.

She has just replied and said "O 20 pounds is alot to me"

I CBA any longer , it's hard work, so fade out it is

Are you not going to reply/push her to pay?

Please don’t let her think her text is an appropriate response to being asked to pay your way. She can’t just say, ‘that’s too expensive for me’!

Shinyandnew1 · 13/10/2024 12:56

She has just replied and said "O 20 pounds is alot to me"

You need to reply, ‘well £40 is a lot for me! If you can’t afford £20 for a takeaway, you need to not have takeaways!’

I must be fortunate-I don’t have any friends like this-we all just split the bills fairly. If I went out with someone who did this and didn’t settle up afterwards, there wouldn’t be a second time.

Mary46 · 13/10/2024 12:55

I just do coffee now. Less hassles that way. Some people just tight..

MuggleMe · 13/10/2024 12:53

I'd be telling her before you order anything, I'm going to need you to pay for your share, shall we just go for a walk or is that going to be ok?

StarsBeneathMyFeet · 13/10/2024 12:50

I think if you’re raised it before and she returns to form soon after, plus the response to the takeaway, she’s not going to change. Her fun company comes at a massive price. I
agree it’s time to fade her out.

PrettyParrot · 13/10/2024 12:47

By this point I'd have had enough too OP. Maybe text her back with "Yes, it's a lot to me too, and I can't afford to keep paying for you. I guess that means we will see less of each other from now on, which is a shame <shrug emoji>"

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/10/2024 12:35

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/10/2024 12:29

"Yes I feel the same, if you could send it to XYZ account pls".

Perfect 👍

Mary46 · 13/10/2024 12:34

Op Im more clever now. I just do coffee. Dont want plan meals with her.. she was treating me one year for big birthday but did her vanishing act at till lol. If its cinema i just buy my own. Hate tight people

Bellatrixpure · 13/10/2024 12:31

I’d wait until she suggests doing something then say no, I can’t afford to pay for us both at the moment

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/10/2024 12:29

"Yes I feel the same, if you could send it to XYZ account pls".

jeaux90 · 13/10/2024 12:17

When you order food ask to keep the orders separate. Sends a very clear message.

Drinks you just say your turn/round

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/10/2024 12:12

I absolutely wouldn't let it go either!

Theoldbird · 13/10/2024 12:11

Sherwooden · 13/10/2024 12:02

Thanks for your replies, I have been emboldened to remind her she never paid me for the last takeaway we shared , 40 in total so 20 each, at the time we got a takeaway I ordered it and so it was on my account.

She has just replied and said "O 20 pounds is alot to me"

I CBA any longer , it's hard work, so fade out it is

I wouldn't let this go. tell her £40 is a lot to you and you shouldn't have to be paying for her. what an entitled person

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/10/2024 12:11

Sherwooden · 13/10/2024 12:02

Thanks for your replies, I have been emboldened to remind her she never paid me for the last takeaway we shared , 40 in total so 20 each, at the time we got a takeaway I ordered it and so it was on my account.

She has just replied and said "O 20 pounds is alot to me"

I CBA any longer , it's hard work, so fade out it is

Just re read and that is shocking! She's not a friend, she's a freeloader.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/10/2024 12:10

Comedycook · 12/10/2024 14:52

I wouldn't necessarily phase them out ..but let's say you meet for coffee/drinks...I'd say at the start, let's just pay for ourselves then I'd just go up to the counter/bar and order/pay for myself only.

If I was at a dinner in a restaurant, I'd say to the waiter, I'll just be paying for what i had so the chicken and the glass of wine thanks.

I'd do the same.

Secondguess · 13/10/2024 12:09

Well done on reminding her about the takeaway money.

Wellhowaboutthat · 13/10/2024 12:09

Sherwooden · 13/10/2024 12:02

Thanks for your replies, I have been emboldened to remind her she never paid me for the last takeaway we shared , 40 in total so 20 each, at the time we got a takeaway I ordered it and so it was on my account.

She has just replied and said "O 20 pounds is alot to me"

I CBA any longer , it's hard work, so fade out it is

Shocking!!
yeah this is not a friend. No loss to you

Original poster
Sherwooden · 13/10/2024 12:08

suburburban · 13/10/2024 12:07

Dreadful

Does she not think £40 is a lot for you to have to pay umpteen times?

Yes that's what I thought , cheeky cow!
Enthusiastically ordered a takeaway and thought I would never ask her to pay half, odd behaviour

OP posts:
suburburban · 13/10/2024 12:07

Dreadful

Does she not think £40 is a lot for you to have to pay umpteen times?

Original poster
Sherwooden · 13/10/2024 12:02

Thanks for your replies, I have been emboldened to remind her she never paid me for the last takeaway we shared , 40 in total so 20 each, at the time we got a takeaway I ordered it and so it was on my account.

She has just replied and said "O 20 pounds is alot to me"

I CBA any longer , it's hard work, so fade out it is

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 12/10/2024 21:20

Sherwooden · 12/10/2024 20:59

If I have another convo how blunt do.i have to be?
Last time I said I couldn't afford to keep.paying for her which I thought was pretty direct, she said yes you have been generous , paid her way for about 3 months then went back to not offering or paying again!

Honestly I wouldn't bother trying again. She's not going to change. I would just tell her up front why you're stepping back, because she's clearly taking the piss.

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 12/10/2024 21:12

If you like her enough to want to keep meeting up, could you be upfront with the waiters instead - 'we'll be splitting the bill today, thank you'. It really isnt a big issue for them, and makes it abundantly clear to cf friend where your boundaries are.
If you're not that bothered then let her drift away, she sounds like a lot of hard work

Pixiewombat · 12/10/2024 21:04

Depends on how confrontational you want to be. A complete non-verbal standoff in public might fix her but is it really worth it?

A note in advance of going out saying any costs will be split?

Depends on how much you still like her? Is it really worth the effort?

I'm a bit of a wuss, so I'd just stop going anywhere with her.

Original poster
Sherwooden · 12/10/2024 20:59

If I have another convo how blunt do.i have to be?
Last time I said I couldn't afford to keep.paying for her which I thought was pretty direct, she said yes you have been generous , paid her way for about 3 months then went back to not offering or paying again!

OP posts:
GivingitToGod · 12/10/2024 20:33

When someone is tight with money, they are unlikely to change and it becomes their hallmark. OP, I understand how it makes u feel. U end up feeling resentful.
Probably not worth ending the friendship , perhaps keep at a distance.