To call out tight friend or fade out

I agree. Though it's worth pointing out that she won’t turn up! People like this withdraw from their source if it runs dry. I had a 20+ year friendship with one of these types. She believed that it was "the price people have to pay if they want to spend time with me"

@Sherwooden What did you text back? Please don't roll over and let it go for an easy life. CFs like this do it because people enable it!

I'd be responding with "And £40 is more than a lot for me! If you knew you couldn't afford to pay for it, why did you order it?"

When you arrange to meet up, tell her in advance that you won't be paying for her. I'd be as blunt as that, really. She's not embarrassed for you to constantly pay, (who does she think she is?☹), so why would you spare her feelings?

There are so many CFs in this world.

No of course you shouldn’t in fact you shouldn’t pay at all,
Im am very curious as to her line of thinking. The way she phrases it “£20 is a lot for me”, it’s slightly victim like.
As you said originally she doesn’t want to do things like go for a walk, so she wants something she thinks she can’t afford subsidised.

"It's a lot to me too bitch, pay up"

Unbelievable ! I’d reply-« and £40 is doubly a lot! »

I’m really curious OP does she think you have more money than her? Do you?
Why does she feel entitled to say “£20 is a lot for me?” She presumably chose her order?

At this stage I think the biggest favour you could do her is be really honest. Tell her what you have told us - you don’t even drink but she drinks and is still happy for you to pay.

I have a relative like this. The whole family talk about their tightness. I don't give anymore because everything feels so one sided. Have distanced and am happy about that.

Well, if she doesn't pay you @Sherwooden, you'll know exactly how much your friendship is worth to her, and it's £20!

I had a friend exactly the same as you describe, it's tiring and really disrespectful. I have faded her out, she was a good company but honestly I can't be doing with the long litany of excuses from "Can we take your car so I can have a drink" (I don't drink - but it's so she doesn't have to pay for petrol even for a short drive) to "I don't have any change for the car park" "I can't get a mobile signal to pay" "I have forgotten the card I wanted to use" "I'll use my deliveroo next time" "it's more than I expected" "I must have forgotten to put my purse in my bad" etc

I think it’s the right call, if she’s selfish about this it will come out in other ways as well.

If you ever do decide to go out with her again, go somewhere where it’s super easy to pay separately like Nando’s or Wetherspoons, no the best venues but foods ok and you can both pay separately up front!

Good decision OP, glad others seem to think the same about this behaviour.

Sounds very odd. Does she think you're minted and somehow owe her? Or that if you suggest food that it's on you? I'd be replying that "why did you order it ?"

She is not a friend. She is a freeloader...

£20 may be a lot but £40 is a lot more!

Well done. She'll move on to someone else.

It's so hard being friends with someone like this - I feel they never relax and enjoy your company as they are busy totting up how much they can get for free and how they can dodge the bill. After a while, there is an undercurrent of you watching them and mental box ticking when they start with the sob stories and excuses. Not really a friendship is it?

I'm more happy to help out a friend and foot the bill if they have 'reduced circumstances' but tight people who expect it and never return any form of generosity when massing a pile are nauseating.

A true friend would have apologised and paid the £20 for the take away. Why would £20 be a lot to her but £40 not be a lot to you. A true friend would not have sparked an atmosphere for you asking her to pay for her own cocktails as you hadn't been drinking.

Slow fade - you have called her out on it. She is mocking you

I just couldn't say nothing! I would go back with "So you think I should pay the whole £40???"

At a restaurant I would pay cash for my half plus tip then pass the bill over to her. I honestly can't see why anyone would meekly keep picking up the entire bill.

So why did she order it? Why are you such a doormat?

It is a sort of self-infantilisation isn’t it?

Always expecting other people to pick up the bill like a mummy would for a child.

More than that it tells you v clearly that they expect to be indulged and care not a jot for how that might impact you.

I find fighting over who pays, mrs doyle style, annoying at times but much preferable to the kind of tight-wad man/woman-child bill avoiders.

At least you can laugh together about the former, the latter is just sad all round.

(or utterly pathetic in a grown man - you know who you are Mr Own Postcode)

If you think of it like this. Next time you are at work and are about to leave for the day, if she would tell you that you should stay and work for another hour or two so you can pay for her cocktails and food on Friday night or she will sulk - would you be happy to do that?