Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom yes it is a bit ridiculous but we all know it is used in the context of a woman's name before marriage as opposed to post marriage, not referring to girl hood or virginity or whatever it's original meaning was. A bastard isn't a child born out of marriage anymore, words change. Yes maybe its one of those that could be phased out but it is used all the time in official documents. Maybe OP could spend some time campaigning against it's official use instead of berating posters on MN.

Is there a possibility that they have just forgotten? Not everyone attends to the details of your life as much as you think they do.... It may just be habit because lots of people don't do this. And you're getting in a stew about it and thinking mean thoughts about these people who actually took the time to write you a card. I would just tell them not to bother next time if you are thinking the worst of them so easily, you obviously don't like any of them very much to begin with.

If only I just got names wrong on the rare occasion I remember to send a card.
My speciality seems to be sending cards to people who have died.

If you think that's what I've been saying, you haven't been reading my posts.

Maiden name is a really grim expression though when you think about it for two seconds.

Some ageist stuff on this thread. I am the ancient age of 58 and kept my name when I got married. It was my dad’s surname not my mum’s though, so I’ve got a bit of an issue with that too…

YANBU OP, the people sending you those cards are rude. It’s rude not to call someone by their preferred name.

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat Now you are being pedantic, trying to police other people's words. You know what @NZDreaming meant. You must have a very difficult life expending so much energy being offended by language that is used every day.

@Rhaidimiddim I wrote my comment before it was said how old the Aunties are.
I do think it's a bit odd for women of that age (50s) to automatically do it (I had assumed they were older aunties in their 70s/80s) especially as I expect the OP has pointed it out over the last 20 years.
To me though (personally) it would be just a little bit annoying but not worth being petty enough not to open the cards.

Yep.

According to her, if a woman has made the correct choice (taking her husband's name) it would be an insult not to remember that, but if a woman has made the incorrect choice (keeping her own name), nobody can possibly be expected to remember that, and even if they do remember it, they can't possibly be expected to respect it because calling a married woman by anything other than her husband's name goes against their own ingrained good manners.

Make it make sense.

🙃

(Good thing her DIL made the correct choice, because you can bet your life that if she had kept her own name she'd be one of the posters on here complaining that her MIL refused to use her correct surname.)

If the card is intended for the OP, it should use her name. It’s really not hard.

It would be a waste of your time even trying. She's constructed some batshit idea of politeness where asking what someone is called is a problem. Some people are beyond help.

Perhaps you should, since you've been on this thread for ages defending why you think it's OK to call people what you believe they should call themselves rather than their actual name.

There might be a fiver inside ! Or a tenner.

I'm not taking lessons on politeness from anyone as deliberately rude as you.

At this point, it is deliberate.

She knows the card is intended for her. She is choosing to treat the card as a deliberate and calculated piece of rudeness. I wouldn't make that choice.

@SouthLondonMum22 thank you for clarifying, I wasn’t aware this was an issue for some people.
@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat i was offering you a solution to address the situation with your aunts that would send a clear message, instead of receiving that with the intent it was offered you chose to give a response I didn’t understand.

I was under the impression that once you are married your birth surname was referred to as your maiden name regardless of whether you changed your name or not. You knew what I meant and could have clarified, you seem to want to be offended.

It is not old-fashioned etiquette. I must be the same age as the aunties here (60's) and I wouldn't do this. They are being rude and daft, and I'd be telling them not to bother sending cards in future IF THEY CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHETED TO GET MY NAME RIGHT.

Yes, it's rude to call anybody by a name other than the one they actually go by.

You're quite close to getting it now.

Way to miss the point. If you can remember which out of the 366 possible dates is someone's birthday (and usually the year as well) you can certainly remember their name.

Especially if what you are being asked to do is remember that they haven't changed their name and so it is the same as it always was, rather than remember their new name.

I imagine OP isn’t a fan of the term maiden name. It’s like you said, her birth name.

Why would you open a card that isn’t addressed to you?

Did I miss something? I thought you said you hadn’t changed your name when getting married. Did you change it to something other than your birth surname?