Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

Because they don't give a shit. That's it really. It's very rude though

Your husbands name is also his father's name.

Ah the old “men own their names but women just borrow them” shit.

It’s 2024. My name is my name. Calling me by anything other than that is a fucking insult.

It's not that I think it's polite to address a woman by her husbands name, it's that, when I was growing up, it was less likely to cause offence than calling them by their pre-marriage name.

Lots of things have changed since I was growing up. Kids don’t do PE in pants and vest. Police vans aren’t called Paddywagons. Smacking kids is banned, as is smoking in public places.

Presumably you’ve learned to cope with this. How come this is worth retaining?

It would take at least 12 hours to “pop round” to each of them. Which is why they are the only ones to send cards through the post. And which makes it even more ridiculous because how is DH’s surname so memorable to them when they see him less than once a year on average but they see mine on Facebook several times a week?! And they remember to use my surname for DD!

I asked my mum to mention it last year, because each additional year it happened (the gentle reminders but the next card being addressed the same way) was affecting me. Even that hasn’t landed. Who knows if she reminded them in the run up as well this year.

I didn’t want to change my name. Wanted DCs to have my name as it’s rarer than DH’s. We had a massive barney over this and didn’t speak for a while. It was ridiculous. Then I thought to myself—why am I so attached to my father’s name? If I wanted to make a point I would have taken an old maternal surname, but no matter how far back I went, it would still be a man’s name imposed on a woman. So I gave up and accepted it for what it is. Just a name.
Those cards were sent with love. Try not to tie yourself in knots over a genuine mistake.

It would take at least 12 hours to “pop round” to each of them. Which is why they are the only ones to send cards through the post. And which makes it even more ridiculous because how is DH’s surname so memorable to them when they see him less than once a year on average but they see mine on Facebook several times a week?! And they remember to use my surname for DD!

I asked my mum to mention it last year, because each additional year it happened (the gentle reminders but the next card being addressed the same way) was affecting me. Even that hasn’t landed. Who knows if she reminded them in the run up as well this year.

That’s one of the first things people learn about you when they meet you. Really? First name, yes. But don’t you have friends who don’t even know your surname?

Yes, so this slight of hand or a lapse of concentration has been made every year, for 20 years, by 2 separate individuals? How conveniently synchronised.

I've never said keeping your own name is an issue. I have kept my own name as it happens. I have no issue with women doing this, clearly.
What I do take issue with is turning this into a huge deal and assuming your choice is at the forefront of everyone's mind
My choice is my choice but I honestly can't get worked up about this. The OP and you are choosing to interpret it as some sort of grand gesture from the aunts to show their disapproval of something that incredibly commonplace.
I would choose to interpret it as a slight if hand or a lapse of concentration and nothing to make a fuss about.
But then I don't go through my lufe looking for drama where there is none.

I've never said keeping your own name is an issue. I have kept my own name as it happens. I have no issue with women doing this, clearly.
What I do take issue with is turning this into a huge deal and assuming your choice is at the forefront of everyone's mind
My choice is my choice but I honestly can't get worked up about this. The OP and you are choosing to interpret it as some sort of grand gesture from the aunts to show their disapproval of something that incredibly commonplace.
I would choose to interpret it as a slight if hand or a lapse of concentration and nothing to make a fuss about.
But then I don't go through my lufe looking for drama where there is none.

Being responsible for and doing things for the sake of „”family harmony”, usually falls on the women in the family, often to their detriment. Keeping quiet and keeping the peace, has sometimes meant that those women have to carry the burden of putting up with some unbelievable shit because it’s „”family”.

No, rude is the multiple posts you've made on this thread with strangulated, double standard whining about why women wanting to be called their own names is a problem.

Rude response, don't you think?
Family harmony would dictate someone has to be the bigger person and let it lie. The OP clearly thinks that's not her and other pps are egging her on to cause a family rift over - in the grand scheme of things - complete trivia.

Why would she be determined to be offended? Your name is central to your identity. That’s one of the first things people learn about you when they meet you. She has every right to be upset, with her aunts arrogance, regarding this. She’s been reminding them of this for 20 years. It shows a fundamental lack of respect and acknowledgment. If the OP is genuinely upset and irritated, about this, are her feelings and thoughts not important, or are the feelings and thoughts of her aunts, more important, and OP has to just put up and shut because it’s „”family”?. No she doesn’t.

I agree with this. The OP is on a mission to make her point and is determined to be offended.
Can people not compromise these days and just move on in the interest of family harmony? Why do people seem to think they are the front middle and centre of everyone else's world and their every whim must be remembered and attended to?
Yes it's the op's name, yes it's important to her but she has chosen to not follow the usual pattern after marriage - which is becoming more usual, I realise this - but her choice really isn't important to anyone else and her aunts have probably gone onto automatic pilot when sending the cards.
The idea that going to the bother of sending a card but addressing it incorrectly is considered rude but RETURNING IT UNOPENED is perfectly OK showscme that some on this thread lost a grip on common sense in the pursuit of making their point.

You see, I read it as someone who thinks they are making some grand feminist point and want to draw attention to it. Change your name or don't change your name - it's no big deal, no-one but you is bothered and the constant need to point it out is attention-seeking.

I agree with this. The OP is on a mission to make her point and is determined to be offended.
Can people not compromise these days and just move on in the interest of family harmony? Why do people seem to think they are the front middle and centre of everyone else's world and their every whim must be remembered and attended to?
Yes it's the op's name, yes it's important to her but she has chosen to not follow the usual pattern after marriage - which is becoming more usual, I realise this - but her choice really isn't important to anyone else and her aunts have probably gone onto automatic pilot when sending the cards.
The idea that going to the bother of sending a card but addressing it incorrectly is considered rude but RETURNING IT UNOPENED is perfectly OK showscme that some on this thread lost a grip on common sense in the pursuit of making their point.