Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

Interestingly my grandmother married a forriner in 1934. They adopted her maiden name.

Before I got married I was Miss, because I was single. When I married I became Mrs. I agree with a pp that Ms and Miss probably need to be abandoned altogether in the same way that Master has been abandoned. People will still know if others are married because of the ring. Perhaps that practice should be abandoned too.

😂😂😂😂😂 someone actually described other women using their own name as ‘mad feminists’ .

Loving the amazing attempted GOTCHA from the woman who thinks her name is her father’s but her husband’s name is his own……what an amazing insight into her view of her own sex. We literally never own our names. Only men do.

Would be interesting to do a reverse and post about relatives repeatedly writing to ‘Miss SameName’ instead of ‘Mrs MarriedName’. I suspect it would be easier for some to grasp how rude this behaviour is.

Thank you! This is exactly right. I don't get all these people who go ahhh it's fine. They might as well write an incoherent mess on the envelope/card what's the point of sending it if you're not going to send it properly l?

They might as well not bother sending her the card.

In layman’s terms they are deliberately getting your name wrong for two decades. If they called you the wrong first name for 20 years people would clearly see the issue.

This is no different.

Why does your husband own his surname but yours is merely your father’s?

I don’t get the people that think you are being unreasonable?!

I am even annoyed when people address things to me using “Miss” instead of “Ms”. They should not assume your surname just because you are married and why would they not just send a card to your first name / last name.

I would be annoyed too.

This is a slight tangent from the surname issue itself, but I find it so disheartening that so many women still put up with Miss/Ms/Mrs here, and that this country persists in using “Miss” as an official title. (Is it just Britain, or all English-speaking countries?) I don’t think it’s necessarily going anywhere soon either, based on comments from some teenage girls I’ve taught. (I told them I was Ms, when they asked me; they questioned what the point of “Ms” was and I said it was the equivalent of Mr, so does not change according to marital status. Their response? “oh so Miss do you use that because you don’t want people to know you’re not married?”…)

Other countries have effectively abolished their equivalent of “Miss” for all except those still of school age/not yet adults. For e.g. in France, it’s now Madame whether married or single; in Spain, Señora; in Poland, Pani; in Italy, Signora; in Germany, Frau; and so on. I think Fräulein (“Miss”) was officially abolished as a title for adult women in the early seventies in Germany, in response to concerns raised on the grounds of feminism and the lack of a male equivalent.

Maybe we should start addressing all the unmarried men we know as “Master”, but then again they might not interpret that word correctly…(who else remembers I Dream of Jeannie?)

I never changed my last name to my husband's but I do like the novelty of receiving cards from some friends addressed to Mrs HisName. But I couldn't ever actually change it - the number of Es, Bs and Ps in his name make it too annoying to spell out all the time and life is too short.

Neither of my brothers wives changed their name and got quiet upset very early on when cards were sent to Mr & Mrs Mac221 however both insisted on referring to me as Mrs DHName on any card they ever send me…love them dearly but this drives me mad!!

Anyone pretending that a man gaining a rank as a result of his career or an honour is the same thing as a woman’s title depending on her marital status, is either utterly disingenuous or seriously thick. Personally I refuse to accept that the supermarket, water board or estate agent NEED to know my marital status to provide me with a service. So I choose something like Admiral, The Venerable or Mother Superior Jane. I can identify as I bloody well like. So can OP.

No, you can’t pay a cheque written to two people into a single person’s account. I know because I’ve also had someone assume I and my husband have a joint account.

His social status would change if he was or became:

Sir, kt or bt
Lord
Rev'd
Dr
Brigadier
Colonel
Captain
Etc

I suppose you are aware that a woman can become a Dame. As well as taking a title of rank in the forces.

I have said quite clearly that I accept times have changed and I respect the change.

I'm sorry you didn't grasp the facts.

And for men, all the way through? Mr John Kelly. We don’t need to know if he’s single, married, separated, divorced or widowed because it doesn’t change his social status.

You think it’s odd, and just nod and smile, because your DIL didn’t give up her first name in favour of your son’s? Bloody hell. Don’t think she doesn’t count as a full person?

I'm with you.
I'm 70, I took my ex's name and wish I hadn't. Never changed it back because the kids both had his name too and by the time they were adult, I just couldn't be bothered with the hassle.

My sister, who is 10 years older than me, didn't take her (ex)husband's name. No children though, so one less complication. BUT she's 80. I can understand my parent's generation (Now over 100 if still living) but not anyone under 80, still less people in their 50s. There are a lot of misogynistic women out there.

I get it... it drives me nuts too..
In my case it's not the older generation who address stuff to Mrs Hisname but my brother and sister, nothing younger than me and in their 40s... I've been with OH over 30 years and married most of that, so it's nothing new.... my gran in her 90s at the time had no.issue or comprehension failure...
It's plain rude and indicate that their opinion or way of doing things is more important.... and for all those saying to get over it, it would be interesting to see how long you'd be happy about being called by someone else's name .

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat
I asked you earlier - do you think that they are thick or doing this on purpose?

If they are thick, you need to tell them very specifically and directly - thanks for the cards, our names are ......... Please update your records as getting incorrectly addressed cards is a bit insensitive after all this time.

Asking your DM to 'mention' it hasn't worked.

If you think they are doing it deliberately then do what you like.

You not opening the cards in a passive aggressive stand will change nothing.

My sister used to send cards in the post to the wrong address for the 20 years I lived there. She always put 22 Main Road, Forest Green instead of 22 Main Road, [place name] Green
i told her every time, it never changed.

Now I live somewhere else, she puts 11 St Pauls Road instead of 11 [correct saint’s] Road.
Infuriating. I think she just doesn’t care, but then why bother sending them at all?

They probably just want to wish you a happy Christmas and think of you as Mr and Mrs. Older relatives do the same to me and I don’t mind particularly. The cheques are annoying though!

Just suck it up. My sister in law never fails to spell my sons name incorrectly in cards (the girls
version instead of the boys spelling), however I just think that it’s nice she has remembered to send him a card. It’s mildly irritating but nothing more.

Are they mad old spinsters who live together Patty and Selma style?

So you haven’t read the entire thread?. Of course they being rude.

You clearly haven’t read the thread.

They see her correct name on Facebook daily
they magically remember that her child has her last name
It’s been years
They’ve had many reminders

How isn’t it rude?