Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

Mr Parker’s dad is usually Mr Parker too. He’s never been married to his father either.

And now you were his property*.

That just makes me so desperately sad for your mum, and for all the women like this, that had no power over their own lives, because they were still considered essentially the property of their husbands, who in turn were the only ones that were allowed to make the decisions. With the name thing, this is exactly what it originally boils down to. The moment you married Mr John Smith, you immediately lost your name, a massive part of your identity, you lost agency over a great chunk of your life, because in that moment you became Mrs John Smith, who was now in charge of your life, and now you were properly. So sad.

Its an old thing, back in the day the wife was to take the husbands surname, some people think that's just the way it is

At least they haven't got your first name wrong. About 40 years on this planet and relative changed my name to Lisa lol, would have been closer with Vivian

I'll call anyone whatever they want.
I have my own name, and when I got married we both agreed to take/keep my name. Sometimes people assume, because I'm married, I'm "Mrs". It doesn't bother me.

I didn't change my name on marriage. My parents have difficulty accepting this, even though it's meant I've kept their (much more unique) name.

I wondered how my birthday cards would be addressed, but I think even they feel so weird about it that they just deliver it in person in my first name only! 😂

It would annoy me too though, especially after 20 years of it!

(When we got married we did get some cheques in Mr & Mrs Hisname. We had a joint account though so I took the cheques to the bank and also took the marriage certificate, just in case they needed it, and they didn't care - I felt like they should have cared a little bit that we were paying in cheques with one of the names wrong, but they didn't!)

My elderly mum does this too , assumes that my daughter has taken her husband’s name when in fact she kept her own name .
It doesn’t really bother my daughter too much as she realises the older generation assume that she would automatically take husband’s name .
( for what it’s worth her husband’s surname is lovely and shows his ethnicity)

I kept Parker when I got married as it was the surname I’d had all my life.

Anecdotally I've noted a dip since then, albeit in my profession the majority of women retain their own family names. I used to work in an academic setting, and most women kept their own name for scientific papers that they'd authored, for obvious reasons. So most of the women went by two names, firstname/nickname husband's-name for informal contact, firstname own-family-name for professional purposes.

This was at a time when the staff telephone list would have D A Brown for a man, and Mrs or Miss D A Brown for a woman.

But you're not married to Mr Parker. I will forgive Mrs husband's-name but not Mrs Fathers-name - it may be my name too but I've never been married to my father.

You aren’t technically Mrs X.

If I get a phone call for Mrs X, I say there’s no Mrs X here.

My mother, a misogynist, firmly believes that men are better than women. Can’t convince her otherwise. I guess that’s one the patriarchy has managed to survive, this far.

I am not Mrs dhname, technically or otherwise. I have never used it, I have no ID in that name.

i am as much mrs Dhname as dh is Mr my name.

technically you can use any name you want, but I don’t answer to any name other than my own.

Yes totally with you! Like you, it’s my or my husband’s aunts who do this, the aunts that heard me say at my wedding 20 years ago I was not changing my name. Every Christmas I get too many envelopes addressed to someone who doesn’t exist! I think it may have got better as they’ve got the message over the years… I used to post examples on Facebook (no, I’m not fb friends with my aunts…)

OP I’m with you 💯
it’s just rude and does feel like passive aggression/micro aggression, a subtle comment on your silly feminazi views which aren’t even legal….
its very frustrating. DH’s family still do it. I don’t open anything addressed to Mrs Hisname, i tell him there’s some post for his other wife again 😂
I definitely don’t use Mrs, and we are married. Language is really important here, as is respecting people’s decisions.

I get this from family all the time. Cheques I would send back to be corrected/rewritten, anything else I just leave be. Likewise if I get a caller who asks if I am Mrs X, I say yes because technically I am. I just don't use the name. It's no big deal.

Girls. At their age, that probably gives an insight into just to the sort of maturity level you're dealing with. Passive aggression admittedly riles me because of the cowardly element of plausible deniability it involves. I will back off instantly from anyone who tries that number on me; it simply isn't something I'm willing to engage with.

In response to a former reply to you, 50-something is Generation X. Those are the daughters of the second wave, and these women are far more likely to have kept their own names than some of those coming later. That generation were taught to value independence, and since the sex discrimination act of 1975 had enjoyed far more rights and weren't about to give up the exercising of those new rights lightly.

Anecdotally I've noted a dip since then, albeit in my profession the majority of women retain their own family names.

That's your perogative but our marriage took place before God and because we loved each other and were happy to make the traditional promises 33 years later we still love each other and the promises stand. I still had a pre-nup though.

I also chose to use the title Mrs because that was my perogative.

You're kidding, right??!

Cancel the elderly cheque.

My surname isn’t English but then neither is DH’s. I kept mine because it is mine. DT’s have double barrelled surnames (very long and difficult for the English to pronounce).
Im not religious and didn’t get married in a church so the blessing for any rings wouldn’t have been appropriate. I (and DH) also don’t like wearing a ring.