Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

You're right to be annoyed, it's rude, lazy, making a deliberate point... something bad, either way.

Disappointed but not surprised by most of the other replies blaming OP for being oversensitive or excusing the relatives who full well know what her name is. This forum is fucking nuts recently. The other day I was reading a thread full of people desperately trying to come up with reasons to paint the OP as the bad guy for getting yelled and sworn at by a tradesmen in her own house, and her DH as some violent thug for standing up for her...and now this.

I haven’t changed my name and people always get it wrong, but I can’t bring myself to care really.

I’d just be pleased I got a card to be honest!

If is irritating but I would cut them a bit of slack due to their age.

My dear departed dad used to do this as well even after my divorce and after having been told dozens of times that cashing a check was a huge pain in the arse even if addressed correctly.

I think you smile sweetly, thank them for their generosity and suck it up. A gift, however poorly thought through, should be received with grace.

It's old fashioned and obviously not accurate but many people do make assumptions that you go by 'Mrs hisname' when you marry.
Just tell them I don't use that name, my name is...
With a cheque I just added my own name after the wrong one and it still worked!
I get cards with Mrs his name, miss long version of my name I never use, my name hyphenated with his etc. they're just trying to be kind and are probably forgetful in their old age.

I notice the ultra mad feminist contingent of Mumsnet are out in force on this one.
It’s not rude and arrogant, it is in fact 2 old ladies trying to be polite.

Oh please, I was born in the 50s and understand about not changing names <whispers> I even know how to use the interweb!

Nonsense. It's the older generation who like doing cards and it's the older generation who assume all long term couples are married, share the same surname and have joint bank accounts. It's nothing to do with care, it's to do with their time. They are stuck in their ways.

Most definitely. Rude and arrogant.

But they have known this, about the OP for 20 years, they were at her wedding and they are family. And throughout these years, they have been reminded of this. Being from a different era is not relevant. I find it quite arrogant of them.

Because they are rude and lazy. Any of the tradition bullshit is just an excuse for being rude.

Meh - let it go. As long as they got your pronouns right ...

Missing the point but...you can still cash the cheques if you take in your marriage certificate.

I think the context is important.

Eg if somewhere official like a bank or the council automatically assumed that you must have changed your name and addressed things to "mr and Mrs smith", that would be worth fixing. My 97 year old grandma doing it, I don't care.

Because they don't give a shit. That's it really. It's very rude though

Because they're either lazy or rude. You don't repeatedly use the wrong name, it's like addressing a card to Sarah instead of Sara for 20 years!

it Irks me too but not worth making a fuss over. I have couple friends who are both doctors and some relatives address joint post to them as “Dr and Mrs hisname” which I would pull them up on

The only time I've done similar is when I knew HIS name, but didn't know hers. I mean I knew her, I knew her first name, we were friendly, but I knew her through her children which had his surname. So I never knew her surname and would address her as Ms Hername Hissurname.

She was fine about it.

I had a friend's parent (who I am guessing was born around 1950, for context) ask me what my 'new name' was shortly after my marriage, and when I explained I hadn't changed it she simply couldn't understand. She kept saying 'but that's not legally possible' !

Because they are presumably at least in their 70s if they are aunts and grew up in an era where it was the societal norm for most women to change their name on marriage. 🤷‍♀️

Expecting cards to be addressed correctly after all these years is hardly wanting a medal for not changing your name.

My dad does it too. Despite the fact that he knows I haven't changed my name because he also very kindly booked many flights for me! I just roll my eyes and ignore it. I think he's just had it built into him that this is the only appropriate way of addressing an envelope.

For others, I give them the benefit of the doubt because at the end of our ceremony the Registrar did announce 'the new Mr and Mrs XX' because the only other option on the list seemed to be 'the happy couple' which made me feel slightly nauseous, but I also didn't feel it was the right time to say 'the new Mr and Mrs XX but she will still be known as Ms Y'!

It’s not that big of a deal.
Older person assumes woman has taken husband’s name, as was done by the majority of people until 30 or so years ago.
Also I’m pretty sure the bank would have accepted the cheques with your marriage certificate and an explanation as your marriage certificate is the only thing you need to show your right to use that name.
Personally I use my husband’s surname, weirdly my son changed his name to my maiden name when he turned 18, no big fall out with us he just thinks it’s a better name. It’s a name not a political statement.