Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

Did you tell your aunts clearly when you married orshortly afterwards that you were keeping your own name? if so, they are being rude not to use your preferred surname. But they probably don't see it that way - they may feel it is more respectful to be tradtional.

To posters who think other women in their 70s would not have a clue about this - this is the age group that got out on the streets in the second wave of feminism, reclaiming the night, going on marches, and earlier still demanding abortion rights. They are not all little old ladies who know no different!

It can be hard to remember for each individual what they’ve done. At least they remembered your birthday and made an effort to send something.

I changed my surname to DH's on marriage. My (feminist) mother sends cards to us addressed to Mr and Mrs His firstname His surname. I have pulled her up on it before, but she just forgets. She isn't doing it to annoy me and it doesn't annoy me. In the big scheme of things, there are many other issues more worthy of getting annoyed about, and who wants to spend their life being annoyed?

What? 😄

Of course it's rude. It's deliberately ignoring what your name is.
If it's not a genuine mistake then it's deliberately rude.

This nailed it really

My MIL still does this. Our wedding anniversary card is addressed to me and Mrs Hisname. Only been married 30 odd years. She knows I didn’t take his name. I even have my own business which for the last 15 years has my surname in the company name. It’s bonkers and rude.

They just forgot. Honestly it's not healthy to become so angry about such a trivial thing.

”Ultra mad feminist contingent” - why be insulting? Regardless of what age these women are - in this case her aunts are in their 50s, if you know someone’s name, and have repeatedly been told to use that name, but you very clearly ignore that, and call someone by a name that does not belong to that person, then yes this quite rude and arrogant.

A few of people I know do this. Mostly I think they forget but I know at least one person who does it deliberately because they judge the choice not to change my name.

I find it absolutely infuriating that they're being so petty but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing that.

This! (Although I do realise that while I think it’s important to get people’s names correct — title, actual name vs the name you think they have, spelling, pronunciation etc — there are some people who just don’t care…)

They don't care. That's all it is. Your birthday is probably on their calendars and they just pluck a card out of a box and stick it in the post out of habit.

It's not kind to deliberately address someone in a name you know isn't theirs. HTH.

YANBU

DH and I both changed our names. Nearly 30 years later MIL still addresses cards to him with his old name! 😬😬

My brother is in his 30s and is adamant a woman's name changes automatically upon marriage! When I told him that was nonsense he said "yes, well. You've never been married so you wouldn't realise"
Twat.

Err excuse me everyone, the younger of the two is 55.

That is a gazillion miles from the picture of sweet little old tabbies being portrayed on this thread.

As a fully functioning 58 year old I see them as rude but it could be just thoughtless. Either way I would share OP’s frustration.

Mark the envelope “no one of this name at this address” and return it, if you want to draw some battle lines. Could be fun.

Alot of posters will tell you you're being unreasonable etc etc. However I find it disrespectful, I have a different surname to my dh and I think it's rude to not use ky actual name. So much so I've started putting the incorrect name on their cards, shockingly they don't like it.

I couldn't care less about the surname it's the kind thought that they have acknowledged your birthday and wishes you well.

You sound very full of yourself.

I don’t think they’re being lazy or rude. Maybe a bit old fashioned and set in their ways.

My ex in-laws did this. Pretty sure it was a power play as they knew I'd never changed my name. Always sent a cheque in the wrong name knowing I wouldn't be able to cash it, etc. etc. Just one in a long list of entitlement and micro aggressions. Just let them get on with it. They have to get their jollies somewhere, bless'em.

Don't the envelopes just go in the bin? Did the card not just say to Sarah and John?
So what does it matter?
If the cheque was written to mr and Mrs hisname could he not just have paid it into his bank?

Pathetic. Get some self respect.

i'm replying just to balance out the people saying 'get over yourself'. I'm with you. It is 2024. also recognise that an older generation sometimes are stuck in the 1920s and think we are all failures if we don't get married, meet a man, have children stay at home, call ourselves mrs husband. I despair. I woud'nt have waited for them to notice i'd not cashed it though and hope you have managed to call them and thank them, chat and laugh and connect. it's hard for you, but they just no doubt think they have wonderful niece who was successful becuase she married (a man). Enjoy your birthday gifts.