Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

Because, although you are my niece, you are only one of 4 nieces and 35 cousins once-removed, cousins twice removed, second cousins, third co9usins, and I can't remember how you all style yourselves, especially as in every day life I know you only as "ThatIsNotMyName" and not by your surname, so when I have to address an envelope, well, I can't just put your first name one, and for my generation, calling someone wrongly by their own surname is more likely to upset someone than calling them (wrongly) by their husband's name

Just two cards through the post, one from each of my mum’s sisters.

Did you mean these two through the post, but the others by email?

If so, it’s all old-fashioned then, all anachronistic: the real cards you can hold, the old style form of address, the expensive stamps to post them. Why not thank them and let it go?

If you meant you only got these two cards, then maybe just be pleased you got them instead of none!

They are in their 50s - this is the rave generation. They were probably raving back in the day, just even a few years ago, and not doing the Charleston during the roaring 1930s.

My grandma in her nineties could get her head around me not changing my name, anyone younger definitely can. It’s rude. The apologists will be the ones who probably think it’s fine to use Jane instead of Jayne or call someone Mick when they call themselves Michael. It’s got bugger all to do with feminism and everything to do with addressing people using their actual name. It’s just the very basic of respect.

Get over yourself, honestly. They care enough about you to send you a card, they have old fashioned views but why choose to make it a big deal? Just say thank you and move on.

I'm really surprised to see some of the posts telling you it's not a big deal and to get over yourself. You are you. You have a name. You've not been acquired.

I couldn't get het up about it but recently when a young couple I knew finally got married I asked the groom mum, my bestie, what they now would be known as and when they had children before they got married, I checked on what the kids' surname would be. We married in the mid 70's when it was getting to be more of a thing to not take your partner's name or to hyphenate but at the time my husband's job involved some amazing free travel opportunites for me but only if I married my husband and used his name. The company had had far too many problems with their employees turning up with a different "wife" each time and then the previous "wife" also turning up!!

I'm not remotely surprised. This always happens whenever the subject comes up on here. Mixture of posters who want to put women who don't change their names in their place and posters who aren't very good at recognising rudeness.

Because they have known OP since the day she was born, and they have been told numerous times, by the OP that that is not her name. Just utterly arrogant. If your name was Amanda but I kept calling you Felicity, even after you’ve told me many times not to, because that’s not your name, would this not upset you?

I can remember their names 🤷‍♀️

tbh if you can’t get a family member’s name right you’re not that close are you.

They're in their 50s.

How very rude!

ime it’s a passive aggressive demonstration that they disagree with your choice, and believe married women should take the man’s name. None of this feminist rubbish.

it’s definitely the case with my in laws. My family, including my 90 year old uncle, all get it right. Dh’s family, even though they openly expressed their disapproval at me keeping my name, still insist on cards to Mrs Dhname. They also know I don’t use Mrs.

i’d rather they didn’t bother sending cards tbh.

Set in their ways. Maybe older generation too?

It was correct etiquette for letter:card addresses in their era and anything else would have been rude.

Maybe they are old now and just cannot remember that you follow a different way.

Someone in my husbands family insist on referring to me as Mrs hisfirstname Hisssurname. Also older generation. I am Ms myfirstname mysurname. They’ve been corrected multiple times so now I think they’re just trying to make a point. It’s annoying and I’ll be glad when this stupidity dies a death. People can call themselves whatever they like, but to ignore that choice is plain rude.

Because it’s important to you but not important to them. How many details of their life can you remember?

Huh?

But surely then the assumption is no change? As a default?

Now I think that’s nasty. Unless you think they’re being purposely awkward, but why?

they sound a bit thick tbh

Really surprised at some of the replies!

It’s not a kind and thoughtful card if it’s not addressed to you!

I don’t know whether a man would be told to “get over himself” about being addressed by the wrong name.

They’re not old they’re in their 50s!

There’s a big age gap between them and your mum, are they maybe not really close to you or their sister (your mum). I can’t really see any other reason why they’re not being respectful to your wishes.

I have older relatives who do this, years of cards with names on I’ve never used!

Get over yourself.