Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

Unless you have good reason to think they are deliberately trying to be offensive, that seems very petty.

I’m not opening them.

I’m not opening them.

This doesn't make any sense.

It would make way more sense to keep addressing a married woman by her birth name on the grounds that you've had her birthday written down in your little book since she was a little girl but you haven't bothered to write down her married name.

If you're addressing her by her husband's name you've crossed out her birth name in your little book and replaced it with what you believe is her married name. Surely that's more effort?

And as someone who hasn't changed her name I'd far rather receive a text checking which surname I now use than have someone simply assume and get it wrong. To me that text says, "it's important to get your name right".

It's not rude at all. They have just forgotten and it's nice of them to remember and make the effort to send a card. They obviously have remembered that you didn't take our husband's name and their head has gone to double barrelled. Unless there's a massive backstory why would anyone assume bad intent. Most people when they make mistakes, do just that. They've made a mistake. It's not because they are rude or lazy or have bad intent. The world would be a much nicer place if everyone got into the habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt subject to evidence to the contrary.

Also you might realise OP how much your mind starts to go as a woman in later years. I used to be very quick minded and fairly on the ball and now I feel like I have permanent brain fog and don't know my arse from my elbow half the time. Give your kind aunts a break.

It’s not rude and it’s not lazy. It’s how it always was. Hardly rude and lazy to make the effort and send a card in the first place.

OP. Have a day off.

It's not rude at all. They have just forgotten and it's nice of them to remember and make the effort to send a card. They obviously have remembered that you didn't take our husband's name and their head has gone to double barrelled. Unless there's a massive backstory why would anyone assume bad intent. Most people when they make mistakes, do just that. They've made a mistake. It's not because they are rude or lazy or have bad intent. The world would be a much nicer place if everyone got into the habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt subject to evidence to the contrary.

Also you might realise OP how much your mind starts to go as a woman in later years. I used to be very quick minded and fairly on the ball and now I feel like I have permanent brain fog and don't know my arse from my elbow half the time. Give your kind aunts a break.

If they know what your birth surname is and they know what your husband's surname is then realistically your surname after marriage can only be one of those two things! (Leaving aside the small number of people who double barrel or choose a new surname.) It's not like there are infinite possibilities. And if you knew the bride before marriage you've gone to the trouble of crossing her surname out of your address book and writing her husband's surname in its place. Surely it's easier to check first?

It’s not rude and it’s not lazy. It’s how it always was. Hardly rude and lazy to make the effort and send a card in the first place.

OP. Have a day off.

It’s rude and lazy and would annoy me too.

They’re in their 50s!

They have been told very clearly. Our DD has my name, bit DH’s and they make no such point about that.

Saying there are 366 options for birthdays and only 2 for surnames is disingenuous. There are almost infinite possibilities of surnames if you are counting all of them (like you are days of the year), or there is one option for the birthday if you're counting ones that person is likely to use (like you are for surnames)

Saying it's easy to write...down is showing that you are good at writing things down, or others are bad at it if you'd prefer to look at it that way.

My sister asks if I've gotten her gift and when I say no she realises she's sent it to the wrong address. It has happened at least twice.

I suspect it’s a lack of thoughtfulness and non ability to listen. Some people are like this, they just don’t listen you and don’t pay proper attention to what you are saying.

I never had this particular problem -I took DH’s surname as it worked better for me but for over 20 years my mum couldn’t remember about my intolerance. So basically the same - not listening. And before anyone asks my mum only has 2 children so not masses of info to remember. It took much less than 20 years for my MIL to remember it.

oh come on you must know that's complete rubbish.
you really think that someone can, off the top of their head, remember X's birthday out of the 366 options, and their full address out of the hundreds of millions of permutations of number/road/town/country/postcode, but NOT remember whether their surname is Jones or Smith?

and it's not a matter of 'being good at writing things down' - either you do remember all that off the top of your head or if you don't, then it's as easy to write 'Amy Smith, 14.6.1989, 24 Flowery Road, Big town, postcode,' as 'Amy Jones, 14.6.1989, 24 Flowery Road, Big town, postcode.'

And the second part of your paragraph is completely mad, obviously you wouldn't be 'offended' by your sister sending stuff to your old address, but equally obviously surely after it had happened once you would (politely!) tell her and make sure she had the new one, for her sake as much as yours? Surely if she has gone to the effort of buying and posting a present to you she WANTS you to receive it, and not some complete random?

I can't work out which of the possible scenarios is weirder, either you haven't corrected her because of your strange idea that it would 'offend' her so she's been sending stuff to the wrong address for years, and you've been, what lying that you received it? Or that you have corrected her but she keeps on sending it to the wrong place multiple times?