Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

no, but I was shocked how recent it was. I can't remember the year, but it was far later than you'd think.

I don’t know what crazed definition of politeness you are using that includes deliberately calling somebody the wrong name for 20 years.

If I decide to give somebody a nickname they correct me and I ignore them and just call them what I want would you really argue that is “polite”?

How is calling somebody the wrong name over 20 years “trying to be polite”?

I don’t understand in-laws getting all huffy that a woman chooses to mantain her name and not use their son’s.

It is so weird to me.

LOVE. THIS!

I think really being specific like this is excellent.

Exactly, and the fact every single woman here has benefited by the efforts of all those “ultra mad feminists”, every single one of us, even those women who don’t like feminists.

Not really considering they are in their 50’s and not old ladies.

Yes, @QuirkyUmberDog , I think you are the voice of reason on this thread.

Yes I think its one of those things where you either know it's done maliciously or not

Reminds me of this from 2016z

women- remember your worth is measured by the value of your husband. You have no inherent worth.

posters are saying names don’t matter. To me, taking a man’s name and using Mrs, you are defining yourself by who you married/your marital status. Not by your own achievement.

there’s been a few threads here about women using “dr”. A surprising amount of mumsnetters think women with a PhD shouldn’t use their title outside working in a directly related field. Again, the only publicly acceptable title to use is the one that defines you value by marriage, not by your academic achievement.

My in laws do this too... but not only do they address me by his surname, they will address the card to "Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname 😡 I DO know they do it for badness though as they made a big song and dance about me not changing my name when we were first married (10 years ago) and do this to try and wind me up. I'm not overreacting if you knew them you'd know they commit to this type of pettiness on the regular.

Wimbledon isn't really held up as the model of progressiveness, is it!

and, I remember reading that until recently, the Wimbledon womens trophy didn't even have married ladies name engraved on them. it would be Mrs John Smith, for example. not EVEN HER FIRST NAME. Mrs Her husbands first name, her husbands surname.

and it wasn't THAT long ago they changed to actually putting the winners name on it instead of the winners husbands name.

send it back unopened with "nobody of that name at this address. this address is home to ....."

I legally changed my surname to my mums surname in my early teens. which is all the more reason why I double barelled rather than changed it. that and, as I mentioned, my surname is very rare, and his is a very common, single syllable surname. nothing WRONG with it, it's just not very me, so I just tacked it on the end.

when we got engaged, I told him my surname was going nowhere. if he wanted us to have the same surname, he could double barrel it WITH me, or take mine. if he's not fussed, he can keep his own, and I'll double barrel.
seeing as he's a reasonable person, he was fine with that. he kept his, I double barrelled mine. I like it double barrelled. it suits me, and goes better with my full name than if I'd changed it.

and the WORST one was the cheque from my Grandad on our engagement. where the named recipient was my more conventionally attractive cousin.
because I was quite gothy at the time, and dyed my blonde hair black (I still henna it to this day. not had my natural hair colour since I was 13) and he often said I'd never get a boyfriend with the way I dressed and looked.
so that was nice.
oh, this invite to an engagement party with my "ugly" granddaughters name on it MUST be a mistake, because she's not pretty enough for a boyfriend. nobody would want to marry her, looking like that.

Why is your husbands fathers name more important than your fathers name?

Well clearly gentle reminders are too gentle and you need to tell them you find it rude and hurtful that they can't get your name right despite you asking them nicely for 20 years.

For DH and I double barrelled was important so that DT’s surname represented both our family names. Their surname is long (made up of our Flemish and French Canadian names).

Totally up to them what they want to do in the future.

@T1Dmama - why did you decide to take your DH’s surname rather than keep your own or he take your surname?

They each pick a name. Lucy might pick Smythe and David might pick Pendlebury and baby becomes Ava Pendlebury-Smythe.

Easy.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t taken their husbands name, I know two people who have double barrelled their surnames….
my SIL has a difficult name to spell and I don have it written anywhere, I also can’t tell you whether hee name is first of his… so when I sent I sent my nephew a card rather than spell it wrong or put it in the wrong order I just put my brothers surname, I got some daft comment and honestly as it’s only on the envelope I don’t see the issue.. after that I just put the first name on the envelope and the address… then stopped completely when they never bothered sending to my DD.

Years ago though when I first married to my husband my cousin sent a card for (I assume Christmas) and wrote my name and my ex’s name in it.. I wouldn’t have minded but her husband and my husband have the same name so shouldn’t have been too hard to remember ! 😂😂
I was cross at that … but I messaged her thanking her for the card and pointing out the mistake.
I was best friends with 2 sisters for about 15 years… every year in my Christmas and birthday cards they spelt my name wrong, despite getting one from me with it spelt correctly ! I never said anything, what’s the point?!

To me as long as people get you name right in the card the surname isn’t that important.. But if you’re not taking on your husbands surname I think you need to point this out in the invites