AIBU - feel like partner hasn’t been honest

Hmmm - I think a 4 times a year hobby is fine but given you are struggling with your pregnancy and fainted at work last week I think my OH probably would have decided not to go at all. Lying about cancelling it is odd - surely it’s the being away you have an issue with, not whether he is paint balling or seeing his parents?

Is paintballing code for something else, why would that only happen 4 times a year so far away?
Obviously he shouldnt have lied but if he's away for the weekend anyway is it worse that he doesn't spend every minute with his parents?

No. It's actually not too late.

Welll, visiting his parents at the same time is also a reason.

He just started this hobby during the first year of his child’s life and for the last four months his partner has been pregnant with HE and not able to work. This is not a longstanding hobby—though Im fucked if I would care—that he only does four times a year. It is a new hobby that he arranged four times already this year.

In addition he is simply using his elderly parents as the excuse/convenient bed closest to his hobby. The people I know who need to ^take time away from toddler care* to do eldercare usually are women but in any event they also have a todo list so long they don’t also have time for a hobby.

I can’t believe the number of MN who implicitly and explicitly assume men accept no duty towards their own children or pregnant partners if it delays their hobby/homosocial friend playtime in the slightest.

@Nanny0gg - even if he'd left before the toddler got ill?

I think it's different if he's still home, but to expect he'd turn back feels a bit extreme for a child being sick. It's usually pretty straightforward to have a duvet day with a small poorly one.

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All these bloody Supermothers on here!

My DH wouldn't have even had a discussion

It wouldn't have occurred to him to go

Bit bloody late, don't you think??

FGS

You did read where she's been really unwell in the pregnancy and fainted at work?

He needs to find a hobby closer to home.

And as she's ill because she's pregnant with HIS child, he could make the odd sacrifice?

There must be somewhere he can do paintballing which isn't a 6 hour drive away.

His parents are 6 hours away, regardless of what he's doing while he's there. Are you going to stop him seeing his parents when you can't look after a baby and a toddler?
Maybe you should reconsider having a 2nd child so close together.

He lied which isn't great but tbf he shouldn't have had to.
You have one child and are pregnant, I get that you've had a rough pregnancy but making him cancel the weekend was pretty shit of you-I wouldn't have cancelled in his position. He does it 4 times a year, it's hardly a big ask for you to care for your own child for the weekend is it?

He’s a liar . Men with a pregnant wife who has been ill , works full time should look after their toddler at the weekend to allow the wife to rest a bit. Bugger the paintballing ! This is not the time to do it!

He can do a hobby that doesn’t need him to be away for such a long time , and so selfish to wake you up leaving at a crazy time.

SELFISH !

If the roles were reversed...i wouldn't go away for thr weekend leaving a pregnant partner that was so run down they'd been fainting etc, looking after a sick toddler who had been up vomiting since 4am. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing that everyone was having such a shit time at home. So I don't think you are being unreasonable.

No, not at all. I think it was really weak. Sounds like he needs to stand up to the browbeating not lie for an easier life.

No idea? Is there a way I can't?

The 1 year old wasn't sick when he left so he hasn't prioritised his parents over the toddler. Why would you find him when he is half way up the motorway? What on earth did you expect him to do? If your toddler was rushed to hospital, fine. If you were being rushed to hospital, fine again. But the 1 year old being sick? So what?
A 4 times a year hobby is hardly selfish. As long as you have the option to get away from the home / family similarly then I don't see the problem. He does seem to have been a bit of a dick (possibly) if he has lied about it but maybe you are being thoroughly unfair and he is just trying to to have a confrontation because you are pregnant and have been ill recently. If it were me in his shoes, I'd be fed up with your behaviour over this.

@Terrribletwos what made you quote the whole OP?

No, I think he should be here with you. He doesn't sound at all considerate.

There's no reason to go paintballing 6 hours away though. There will be other places significantly closer unless he lives in the Outer Hebrides.

4 times a year isn't much but considering the circumstances it wouldn't kill him to miss it and I would be pissed off with the lying!

This exactly!

He’s an immature selfish liar.