MIL for Xmas

It sounds like you need to stand your ground this year or it will become the routine. I can’t see that spending your time doing the donkey work while MIL plays with your baby is going to be enjoyable for you.

I would go to your parents for lunch with the baby. DP has changed the rules, make it clear that this is not a tradition that you are buying in to.

They were separated prior to this “affair” happening but they were still living together etc.

So it was not an affair, he just met someone else.

If you accept her coming over, with you doing the hosting and cooking, it will be your new tradition from now. So think carefully how to handle this.

I obviously missed the bit about staying in bed till 3p.m. - no I am generally up by 6.30 a.m. Our family look after each other, and it just makes me sad that others don't seem to want to.
No, I don't 'freeload' but I do accept offers to take me shopping occasionally, or to doctors appointments as I don't drive and have mobility problems. I also help out with childcare - as I say, our family look after each other.

My ex never cared about Xmas. I took dc and stayed a few days with my family. Every single year. He was a nasty selfish twat. Never saw his dc much before or post divorce...

He cooks

Absolutely

But as he's moved the goalposts he should have discussed it with his wife first.

How much of the work will he be doing?

Or tell him great your dc will get to see dgm's on Xmas day after all. After he has made lunch you are taking dc to see their other dgm. What can he say?

You'd still have a conversation about it, wouldn't you?

I wouldn't have an issue with my MIL coming for Christmas, but i would have an issue with my husband unilaterally deciding that she was, and deciding that I'd be doing the hosting duties without any form of discussion first.

Your husband's entitlement and failure to communicate are the issue here, not his mother or siblings.

Well In that case. Do nothing.

Just do nothing. Don’t go buying the food for the dinner don’t you dare cook the dinner. Do nothing.

If he wants to invite someone without asking. He is the host. Let him host. He can purchase the food, he can prep the food, he can cook the food. He can wash up after.

You and little one just have a lovely day opening gifts and playing together.

If you follow this advice you’ll be divorced before too long. How aggressive! His mum has just found out her husband has been cheating - or maybe he orchestrated this too to control you!

No wonder divorce rates are high if this is how people conduct themselves.

My advice is to be a grown up and talk about it. Don’t flounce off to your parents like a petulant child as some others have suggested. Communicate.

I hope it works out.

So do you stay in bed till 3pm and freeload off your children Indianajet?

How old is she?

How much parenting does he do?

As a widow, I am so glad my family always make sure I spend special events with them - it makes me sad to see so many people dismissing the needs of older people (particularly, it would appear, MILs). I say well done to the son looking out for his mum.

Ask him what he'll be cooking for Xmas Dinner.

Because you won't be.

Aah thanks for the further info. She ought to be going to her Dr's appointments independently and should also manage to shop independently. Unless of course she's disabled.

the issue I have is that my partner is expecting me to host

Do you mean he’s invited guests for Xmas dinner and won’t be cooking himself?

I would actually be so cross in that itself!

Can you go to your mum with the baby?

I'd have invited his mother off my own bat to be honest. You know, because it's Christmas, and she's lost her life partner to another woman. She's family and she's hurting.

I think it's lovely that he's thinking about his mother who God love her is having her first Christmas without her husband who'll most likely be spending it with his new woman. Why can't you all celebrate together, why can't she be involved in baby's first Christmas ? It's one extra mouth to feed, yes he should have ran it by you but in fairness it's October when you've found out, plenty of time to organise her visit. Maybe he thought you'd be fine with it and not need permission.

OP, take this very seriously.
He made his song and dance about doing something new, that stops you seeing yoir family, AND has now without any conversation asked his mother to come to yours.
If you think this is normal healthy behaviour you are wrong.
It is controlling, manipulative and extremely disrespectful.

In your case I would tell him you will revert to the old way and be visiting your parents and he can host his mum.
Or do you have any say in your life?
Does he now think because you have a child he can treat you with zero consideration.
This is your life and marriage if you tolerate this.
So think long and hard before you decide your reaction.
i hope you are returning to work and keep your family and friends close.

There are other circumstances in other people's lives.
I cannot imagine dumping my raging narcissist of a mother onto my husband at Christmas.
Thankfully, she lives in another country 😊

Tricky one. I do think it's a nice thing to do for MIL after what must have been a horrible shock.

But also as he had previously vetoed seeing your parents I do think this is a bit unfair. Maybe they could come over too?

You seem to have given him too much say in the past about opting out of Christmas and now deciding you'll stay at home. You have a say too.

I wouldn't really factor in new baby as they are pretty portable at that stage and won't remember it anyway!