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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel like a single parent

57 replies

Snowdrops17 · 12/10/2024 08:57

My DD is now 16 weeks old and I can't help but feel like a single parent I do absolutely everything for her I suggested my DP sleep in the spare room when she was born as he still had to work but he is still in there ! She stays up late at night and sleeps in on weekends unless I go wake him up to help me he never just gets up and takes the baby. I feel like I live with a teenager ! He will give her a bottle and change her nappy if I ask him but really that's about it . I will say he does all the house cleaning at the minute as well as mowing lawns that kind of thing and is very handy will do anything DIY that needs doing . Is that a fair split ? I just feel he doesn't spend enough time with her she looks right through him and will just follow me around the room with her eyes if he is holding her . I got up at 7am with her gave her a bath fed her and put her back for a nap DP is still in bed it's now almost 9am AIBU to be annoyed ? I'm starting to really resent him

OP posts:
AgainandagainandagainSS · 12/10/2024 09:19

You sit down and discuss - you need to do less childcare and more housework, and him vice versa.

ahemfem · 12/10/2024 09:18

I get what you're saying but you do have to take in to consideration if he is genuinely cleaning the house, cooking meals, washing all the clothes this is a big thing and shouldn't be dismissed. I would have a chat, let him know you don't mind if the house isn't spotless etc what you'd really like is for him to hold the baby for a bit etc.

Eenameenadeeka · 12/10/2024 09:15

Have you talked to him about sleeping in your room again? I think if he was doing all the housework while you recovered from birth that's great but as baby is getting bigger i found it good for Dad to take turns entertaining/watching baby while I did some housework as well (just gets a bit much only ever watching baby and not getting the sense of like getting tasks achieved) and good for them to bond

BigCarMistake · 12/10/2024 09:15

You need to stop acting like the default parent. Luckily it’s only been a few months so there’s time to reverse it. Take time for yourself and give him the opportunity to figure out his way of parenting. Ideally you’d have talked about him taking shared parental leave etc before the baby was born.

Original poster
Snowdrops17 · 12/10/2024 09:04

Didimum · 12/10/2024 09:01

You know this is nowhere near good enough. Don’t drop hints or skirt around the conversation. Proper sit down talk and tell him he has not been showing up as a husband or parent and that needs to change immediately.

I would categorically not be with a man like this.

I think ive made him sound really bad but he does everything else around the house as I dont have time with the baby but yes he definitely needs to step up on the dad front

OP posts:
Didimum · 12/10/2024 09:01

You know this is nowhere near good enough. Don’t drop hints or skirt around the conversation. Proper sit down talk and tell him he has not been showing up as a husband or parent and that needs to change immediately.

I would categorically not be with a man like this.

Livelaughlurgy · 12/10/2024 09:00

Tell him back into the room and start alternating weekend nights and lie ins. Resentment is a killer and you need to sort it out now.