I feel like a single parent

It's a shame he's not more engaged with her, yes...but a lot of men are like this when babies are very young. To be fair, the fact he's doing all housework is a really good sign and actually means you can dedicate all your time to yourself and your baby.

Oh and you're nothing like a single parent

he needs to make his own bond with the baby and get confident looking after baby. I suggest you go out for half a day (pump milk if bf) and leave him and the baby on their own. He will make mistakes (as you did) but if you ever want to be able to go out or go away you need to just drop him in deep end and let him figure it out. Go to cinema or something and turn your phone off. My experience is men who aren’t hands on with a baby don’t step up later as they never gain confidence as parents and the mums often don’t trust them to look after dc. Don’t become the default parent. Babies are very good at letting people know they need something so he’s not going to be able to just ignore the baby if you aren’t there.

That's nothing like an actual single parent.

But, no it doesn't sound right. You need to lay down some ground rules and communicate what you need. You both should get lie ins not just him.

Do you both get time to yourself to have a bath/shower?

So he does all the cleaning, garden work, DIY and has a full time job. You do laundry and the full time job of looking after your baby.

You aren't unreasonable to want a different split of the "jobs" but it should be a different split, a trade off of "jobs".

It does get easier as the baby gets older and requires slightly less full on attention.

I had to be a single parent whilst pregnant and with a newborn plus two small children so don't underestimate the positives of having someone who cooks/cleans/etc! He is pulling his weight.

If you aren’t working and your husband is then your ‘job’ is the baby. I say that only during work hours but then if your husband is up in the night and goes to work the next day it’s harder for him to do this rather than you who may be a lane to sleep at nap times.

Sounds like if he works full time and then does all the other stuff you mentioned he is pulling his weight. I think your point is that you want him to do more with the baby rather than the other stuff. Bear in mind if he does this then you will have to pick that up. I understand as sometimes you just need a break from the relentlessness of being a mom to a baby but he can’t read your mind and sounds like he is trying to contribute.

You arent a single mom as then you would have to do all the cleaning and everything else he does.

Also, since we don’t know you he may feel you are doing a great job and don’t need help or that you fuss when he does things so he leaves it to you and picks up the slack elsewhere.

Just tell him how you feel.

If he’s doing all the housework and working full time then it’s probably a fair split just maybe not the right distribution of the work. You need to take back some of the housework and give baby to your dp. He needs to take on some the parenting to give you a break from it. Maybe alternate weekend lie ins so you both get one.

Jesus, is there any need? I wish people had enough grace to allow a knackered new mum a bit of a misstep and concentrate at the issue at hand rather than use it as a platform for their own ranting.

OP, please don't ever say you 'feel like a single parent' to people you know who actually ARE single parents! As I imagine they would feel quite insulted!

You literally have no idea what a single parent has to deal with, and I hope for your sake you never have to find out.

A REAL single parent has this to deal with >>
Only one income coming into the household. No one to lean on for support. Having to do all household jobs, including gardening, decorating, fixing things, putting bins out, washing, ironing, cooking, shopping, as well as looking after Children at the same time, playing, helping with homework, sorting out arguments etc etc .

No freedom to just go out when you want to, having to plan literally everything. Being on your own with sick children, especially when you're unwell yourself is a nightmare. (And don't get me started on the stress you feel when you're having to sit with sick children in hospital A and E completely alone for instance in the middle of the night)

You have to work around school times, so often your work hours are limited, meaning less income to the ONE you have coming in.

You have to take time off work for appointments, or if your children are ill from School and you have no childcare. Shall I go on? Everything is totally relentless!

I have first hand experience as a GENUINE single parent, and even though I wouldn't change it for the World, as I've raised two amazing kids who I'm so proud of, it was very hard work.
Please don't play single parents down.

Babies are boring intruders in your once chill life and dads don't get the hormones mums get to help them through. Cut him some slack if he's doing everything else. But yes get him back in the same room, separate beds are really sad.

It's not the end of the world, you're both trying to make things work. You just need to sit down and rearrange a few things. This isn't a huge or insurmountable problem.

I'm a bit surprised about how much the garden is coming up. Is it a huge and elaborate garden. I barely give it the time of day at this point of the year. I think I mowed ours about three weeks ago and now it's just the place I hang out laundry if it ever stops raining.

I would see it as him doing all the house stuff to allow you to bond with baby. I think a lot of men come into their own when baby is a toddling and can go to park etc. tiny babies do sort of just what their mums 🤷‍♀️

OP, this split will leave you really stuck.
The baby will not want him, won't settle for him, and it will leave you with a very clingy child going forward.

It is 100% in your best interests that he spends time with the baby on his own and gets on with it.
Go to your room and have a nap while the baby is up.
Go shopping, a coffee or a walk, but he needs to stop avoiding his child.

You’re nothing like a single parent and that’s quite offensive to them.

Have a frank and honest convo about what is working and not - if you can’t do that then your relationship is doomed.

She stays up late at night and sleeps in on weekends

The baby? Or your partner?

You're really really nothing like a single parent.

You are tired so it’s understandable that you’re annoyed. This is a really difficult time both for new parents and a relationship and you just have to keep going and being as kind and understanding to each other as you can be. Accept that as irritating as it is, you are going to need to spell out what you want him to do at times. Yes, he should be able to work it out for himself but now isn’t the time to worry about that.

In the nicest possible way, please stop saying you feel like a single parent. You don’t.

he does “everything”? as in full time job plus all cooking, cleaning etc

so really not like a single parent at all

Well that’s good. Have a conversation about dividing tasks a little differently. Not getting up in the morning, however, is a no good at all. Taking care of a baby is work too, just as much work as his.

Have you both just fallen into accidental roles where you do the lion's share of the parenting and he feels relegated to supporting that task by cleaning and tidying around you or are you suggesting that he's engineered that situation for an easier ride?

He definitely needs to get back into the room with you - it must feel very isolating.

You need to take some house work/gardening off him and have him spend time with his child.

If he is doing everything you say (cleaning, DIY etc) then you are far from a single parent, don't forget if you were completely on your own absolutely everything would fall to you including those things and the financial burden. Please don't compare yourself to a single parent.

Having said that, he should be doing more with your daughter, for her sake but also for his sake because he's going to struggle to bond with her if he does none of her care.