In Law holiday over due date

They are only being unreasonable if you and your DH discussed and asked them well in advance and they agreed.

If not then yes you are being unreasonable to expect something without asking.

Or book lots of holidays once retired and be unavailable for childcare

If you had asked them to be your childcare for when you go into labour and they agreed to it and then booked a holiday, YANBU.

If you didn't actually talk to them but just assumed they would be available, YABVU.

This sounds like the most sensible solution given your son's needs.

@PleaseAskSomeoneWhoGivesAFuck

If I were them, I'd go on holiday for 6 months, then move.

😆😆

I kind of wonder if they had guessed it, hence the trip.

If they agreed beforehand to help then yes, they are unreasonable. However, if you hadn't made concrete plans and just assumed they'd step up, then you're clearly unreasonable

Your post is unclear as to which it was

Is there a reason DH can't stay with his children and you take a friend as a birth partner?

Why should she??

Yup I know. My inlaws have 8 grandkids and by the time number 7 & 8 came along they dgaf especially as they weren't male. People are bloody weird.

You sound incredibly entitled and there’s nothing in your post to say you actually asked them and just presumed they’d be available. Unless I was asked it wouldn’t cross my mind not to book a holiday. You can hardly be “furious” if you hadn’t asked them. You can’t dictate when they take a holiday or how they choose to spend their time when they retire for goodness sake, how ridiculous.

Yanbu to me. I do think this depends on if you actually have communication with them that has made the plan explicitly clear and they've gone against it.

That being said, I think you should also have had a solid plan B.

What if either or your inlaws had a crisis of their own? Where would that leave you and your children?

Even though I think YANBU, you can't make them change their plans and you need to focus more on making a solid plan now.

I think the OP is just panicking because there is no-one else who has experience of looking after her non-verbal child.

She and her husband should have checked their availability much earlier. However, it does seem as though her PILs have deliberately chosen their holiday dates to avoid having to help with child care.

Your mum should come to help. Have you even asked her?

Had they already agreed to this arrangement? Its a bit crappy of them if they have agreed and then suddenly changed their minds with a month notice.

If you had just assumed they would babysit, then I'm afraid thats on you and you should have been clearer with arrangements.

Whatever the reason, Maybe inlaws are feeling the pressure if still currently working and babysitting and this was the only time they could get a holiday in.

I think you need to take friends up on their offer. Have them round to discuss your sons needs and let your children get used to them before hand. You say you labour quickly so hopefully it wont be for a long time and your dh will be able to go and take over once baby is here.

That's awful though.

Our DC were the last grandchildren were born and wild horses couldn't have dragged MIL away.

I get what you're saying but they probably didn't even think of the due date. They've got other grandchildren and so all the excitement of the birth etc has worn off.

You are being unreasonable.

Had you informed them of YOUR plan?

Maybe they just didn't think, maybe they didn't want to look after your other children as they feel it's too much. Maybe they jusy got a good deal for a holiday and went for it.

You need to widen your childcare options and not rely on one set of people.

Is this a wind-up post?
If not, just wow. What arrogance. What entitlement

Our plan was for them to come to look after the children when I go into labour especially as I labour very very quickly and they are only in the next town over.

That was your plan. Had you actually asked them if that was their plan? Why should they have thought about your due date? Why should they craft their life predicated on your child-producing plans.
If I were them, I'd go on holiday for 6 months, then move

I'd be massively hurt at their reaction esp as it sounds like they didnt say sorry...we didn't even think.

However as you haven't mentioned it I'm not sure you discussed 'your plan that involved their help'....which does change the dynamic a little

However I think you're going to have to go with the "friends will help" although far from ideal.

I'd try to put this one down to....'suck it up' to avoid problems w relationship w in laws as they are your 'village' and sounds like they are normally pretty decent

I know this won't be a popular view, but IMO if they knew about the due date they should have guessed the plan. The local grandparents minding the siblings must be the most common arrangement by far.

Whether they felt taken for granted and so removed themselves from the situation (which IMO is shitty - by all means do less childcare and make yourself less available, but this is a particularly shit choice of situations to make your point) or whether they were just thoughtless is a different question.

Had you arranged this with them or just expected it all? If the latter, maybe they are fed up with your expectations so removed themselves from the equation.

I think this sounds entitled but I do understand. You're lucky to have such family support but if you didn't ask then it's your problem not theirs.

They might have booked the holiday a year ago, before you were even pregnant

Yes this. But also there's nothing they can do either way because it sounds like they are just going on holiday.