In Law holiday over due date

This.

Its not clear in your post if you assumed or had agreed it.

I know you've clarified that you'd spoken to them but even before that I'm not sure why people were giving you a hard time. They would obviously know the due date, even if only roughly eg November or December. In real life grandparents and family think of these things and would check with you rather than waiting to be asked. They must know this will be challenging for their current grandchild who is non verbal and it's odd that they didn't do everything they could to ensure they were there for their grandchildren.

It's only in Mumsnet land that people are expected to just do everything on their own and never ask for help.

and I wish people would read the posts properly, it was clear that they do occasional babysitting not regular childcare.

I'm afraid your only option may be to find a kind friend and ask him/her to spend a bit of time with your youngest so he can get used to them. I'm sorry

Can you usual paid childcare help, as they are presumably used to dealing with your youngest?

Given as they had agreed and there was an actual plan, their behaviour is awful.

You now know that you can never rely on them and that they are utterly thoughtless.

I think that you obviously can't do anything and will need to sort something out.

But your husband should have a proper conversation in which he explains how upset and hurt he is by their actions.

Finally a sane comment. I'm baffled by the seeming lack of care people have for their adult children, as well as the low bar set for what can be expected from one's own parents? Surely this isn't real life.

My parents wouldn't have dreamed of going away over my due date, they ensured they were nearby to help as much as they could. And I certainly would make sure I was available for my sons should they need me, absolutely no question about it.

The birth of a grandchild is a rare and momentous occasion, not to mentioned stressful and potentially dangerous for the mother. Surely a holiday can wait a few more weeks? It's not like you're looking for a babysitter for a casual weekend away fgs. You're about to give birth. This is all made more complicated by having a child with additional needs who only settles with said grandparents. If you can't rely on your own parents, who can you rely on?

I truly hope that people don't have such little regard for their families in real life. The mind boggles.

Hi OP,
Why not politely ask your inlaws if they could look into moving the date of their holiday. Perhaps offer to cover the extra costs that this incurs.

I'm really sorry and it does sound stressful. However, I do think it sounds like you've take them forgranted. You've just assumed they'd do this, without even asking. You have no right to be furious! They can have a holiday whenever they want. They can have a holiday before they retire. It's not your business. You talk as if they exist to help you out, that they're not people with their own lives and plans.
Maybe your sister can make other childcare plans for a few weeks.
We had no one nearby. We had to fly my MIL over to stay for three weeks. It was so kind of her but we could see it was an imposition. She was dying to get home at the end of it!

Yes, given that you’d discussed this and they reassured you, that’s really poor of them. They’re clearly not prepared to change the dates of their holiday, so you’ll need to work out a different set of arrangements in advance for the sake of your DC.

I’d stop communicating with them now and leave it to DH.

Yes it was. But still doesn’t alter your options I don’t think op.

When my mum went into hospital for a week, we had my aunt come as well as a hired babysitter. My aunt was there for comfort/ familiarity, but, as my mum felt it might have been quite a load for her, the “ hired help” was there to do the heavy lifting. Could you consider something like this?

Have you sat down with them to explain how much you were counting on them? Any chance dates could be changed? Otherwise I think you need to book a childminder in for sure.

Wildly unreasonable of them given you had discussed it. Your DH in particular must be so hurt.

Given your update @scotscotscotland, I'd say YANBU. Very thoughtless of them.

Yeah there’s not much you can do op.

If you were hoping we might all say you have every right to make them reschedule, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure you do.

At the end of the day, I only want people looking after my Dc who are not being roped into it unwillingly. They need to be on board and feeling warm about the task.

I think your best option is to find a qualified child carer/ babysitter and start to get them used to your Dc asap. I don’t have SEN Dc so am not sure if there are carers especially qualified or experienced in understanding his needs, but perhaps other posters might know? I would have thought so?

Having read your latest post, I think your PILs are being unreasonable. I assumed that there had been no discussion with them about looking after your kids when you go into hospital, but they had already agreed to do this.

So they made a genuine mistake with their dates and simply didn’t think. They still sound like good, supportive grandparents as they must spend a fair amount of time with your children if they are good at recognising and meeting the non verbal child’s needs.

It is not unreasonable of them to consider that they are only one half of the set of grandparents and that maybe on this occasion, they other grandparents could do it.

Presumably if they are six months off retirement they are in their mid sixties. From experience, it gets increasingly tiring to do full time work into your sixties. I cannot imagine how tiring if babysitting is also involved. Also, it can be tricky finding two weeks together when holiday may be approved. They may also have been told that they cannot be paid out annual leave and have to take it all before they retire.

I can't see that they have an explicit obligation to be available to provide childcare during this time. If your own mother looks after your sister's children all the time, and not yours, I cannot understand why your sister could not make alternative arrangements for this time. Or you could have suggested months and months ago that the grandparents shared the obligation with one week each.

I think they may be putting down a marker, reasonably, that they will not be available for significant childcare once they are retired and now you will have three children.

Options: a friend can help out; your DH looks after the DC when you go into labour (it used to happen often); you hire a temporary nanny; you engage a doula.

You decided to have a third child and I'm afraid I think it's on you and your DH to work out how that's going to be managed.

Your definitely not unreasonable the fact you discussed it multiple times with them and they agreed.
i would be very hurt in your shoes and it’s added stress when you need to be relaxed
Of course you want DH with you when you give birth that’s completely understandable!

Your in laws have been very thoughtless I think just keep it in mind if they ask favours of you!

I hope all goes well for you xx

OK, so you did talk to them about it, so it's on them that they didn't think about it. I would be annoyed too.

Unless you're one of those 'fourth trimester, no-one comes to meet the baby for the first weeks' people. I'd never go away over a due date or around it for a close family member or grandchild, but would in that situation. I'd be back when I'm allowed to meet the baby/support the parents.

YANBU. Mumsnet is a weird place. In real life most people would be hurt in this circumstance. And I say this as someone who has never had help with my children as I'm NC with my family and my lovely mil has passed away.

It's hardly the usual childcare need. it's for the birth of a baby. It's not like you're annoyed you can't go to the pub.

It's really shit of them OP. Has your H spoken to them about it? It's definitely stress no expectant mother needs.

Oh come on! Of course there is a reason you know that!

Now, I'm sure if the GPS weren't consulted and were just expected to be available without being asked I can see their point, although neither mine or DHs parents would go away if were due a baby because they'd actually want to be around if anything went tits up and to meet the baby.

But to ask all wide eyed and curious as to 'if there is a reason her husband can't stay at home is just being an arse - yes, the reason is that the husband probably wants to be there with his wife at the birth of their child. Quite a good reason to be fair.

Apologies - your later post has clarified the all important point that you had asked them!

I would not have dreamt of doing that in their shoes, nor would my parents. Whether or not ‘the plan’ had been discussed.

But my brothers ILs would have blithely booked, they were loving etc but never joined any dots.

Go to hospital with a close friend?

Would you consider a home birth?

ETA: no , having, read your update about your last birth, not an option

In that case you are not being unreasonable and I'd be annoyed too.

I am furious because they didn’t even consider us when making this decision.

But why should they? You presumably didn’t consult or consider them before making the considerably bigger decision to conceive your children. You’re all independent adults, their responsibility to consider your DH in every decision they make ended many years ago.

You forgot to actually ask them didn’t you? Your DH will have to do the childcare.