In Law holiday over due date

I think YABU. If they are going on holiday they're going on holiday. Just find someone else to help. Not a big deal - they aren't your paid employees or something!

there is no such thing for children with very complex needs! I wish people who never had to deal with these challenges would stop suggesting this nonsense.

I would be incredibly hurt if I was you. How do you think this will pan out in the future? Will it affect your relationship with them?

So sorry you have thoughtless in-laws x

It’s such a horrible way to think. Well if you won’t do x for my I won’t help you in your senior years. Vile.

Ordinarily I'm of the opinion that your children aren't the responsibility of anyone else to have to plan their lives around, if they're helping you, it's upto you to plan around them.

That said, under the circumstances, when you have discussed it in advance and they had said they would help, the fact you said that you nearly died during the last birth which could mean complications this time, it would be a lot to expect of friends if it meant a few days of childcare if you had a longer recovery time. I think it's a pretty poor show on their part to rescind the offer of help without checking if you'd have a back up. It's understandable you'd be stressed and very disappointed by it.

And many do

I don’t think you’re BU at all and I’d be annoyed too given that this is a conversation you’ve had with them re: childcare. But even if you hadn’t, shouldn’t they want to be around when their new GC is born?
What’s your DH said about it and to them?

You sound selfish and entitled. They aren't they to be on call for you.

I would remember their actions if they need care in the future

I never understand why this is trotted out time and time again on here. Many parents of adult children don’t expect them to care for them in later years. What a load of nonsense.

If you nearly died last time I’m surprised you are having a third child.

If they are not yet retired and you labour quickly was it realistic anyway to expect them to be there in 10 minutes (even if they hadn’t booked the holiday)

Ask your paid for childcarers and pay
As you said the ils only do odd bits of childcare
Now you know not to rely on them

Don't think you sound like an entitled brat at all OP. You are a stressed pregnant woman with a SEN child. In fact I think you sound completely reasonable

I would remember their actions if they need care in the future

Can your DH talk to them about the difficulties this is causing? With a view to them possibly changing their holiday?

I think if you are furious about what seems like a thoughtless mistake, you would be best staying calmly out of the discussion.

Otherwise, as people say, it’s friends or hired help.

kindly, yabu. you cannot expect other people to plan their holidays around your needs to that extend.

one of mine had severe ASD so I do understand. my DP dropped me off to hospital with DS1 in tow and went home. Midwifes looked after me. He came with DC1 to collect me after the birth. It's not really that hard and that's how many people with subsequent children and no support network do it. I wouldn't have in my wildest dream expected anyone to plan their holiday around it. Also, DC was 2 weeks early. one was 3 weeks late. the birthing window is huge

They are incredibly thoughtless. I think people would have said YANBU if you had clarified that they had agreed to this and gone back on the agreement .

Given that they agreed to do childcare during your labour YANBU to be furious with then for booking a holiday over the time when you are most likely to go into labour. What were they thinking?!??

You would also not be unreasonable to be unavailable to them when they come back off holiday and want to see the baby.

Is your DH going to talk to them about this?

Given your update with the all important information then yanbu to be annoyed

@scotscotscotland You are not being unreasonable in the slightest.

MN is like a parallel universe in these scenarios, as in real life, I don't know families /friends that are so uncaring and unsupportive.

I hope you have other family/friends who can support you when the time comes. I imagine after your last experience your husband will want to be with you. 💐

I’m one of the minority who think that YANBU. It seems an odd thing for them to do. I and my friends choose to be available for when our sons or daughters are due a baby. You just never know how things will go and whether some extra help might be needed. I personally wouldn’t feel okay about being on holiday.
It sounds like you have some lovely friends so I hope that you can make some satisfactory arrangements.

If organising who's available when is a bit awkward is it possible to set up either a WhatsApp group with all possible childcare candidates or a phone tree so you just send one message saying "I'm in labour" and whoever is available turns up?

Given your second post, YANBU. It’s pretty rubbish to book a holiday after they agreed to help out during your birth. Are they usually this disorganised?
If you have a close relationship I would ask them if they can reschedule their holiday. I know my mum would. If that’s not an option I guess I would start introducing the friends to kids and get them used to the idea or maybe one of the nursery staff would be willing to help out if you pay?

The fact that you are furious with them shows a huge level of entitlement? Did they get you pregnant? You chose to have another child. You made that choice knowing you already have a child with extra needs ( I did the same so don't think I'm attacking you for that). However, I knew that it was very likely that I would need to go through childbirth without my husband being there. It was my choice to have another child. As it is yours. You have no right to be furious with anyone. Maybe they don't want to / feel able to provide the service you expected. They are not obliged to explain that to you. Maybe they have booked this holiday quite deliberately because they want to make the point that you rely on them more than they are comfortable with.

I agree it's a good reason but it's not really logical or practical.

I also have a child with speech delays and autism and who would be incredibly frustrated if they had to cope with the transition of having a stranger care for them, the transition of mum and dad not being there and then suddenly the transition of a new baby because they have never experienced that before as the current youngest.

Not being able to communicate your needs or be understood is traumatic. Have you never had a debate with someone where you argue your point and it just doesn't seem to translate across? That's their daily experience especially with people who don't understand their toddlerese or echolalia or noises.

Everybody knows that having a new baby brought into the home is difficult and new and stressful when you're trying to adapt. The OP and her husband have already experienced this. This child hasn't.

So no I don't think it's a daft suggestion to ask if this is a possibility or if there's a reason this is not a possibility because it's about balancing the needs of everybody in this situation.

OP has said she has had a traumatic delivery last time and almost died. There are 4 weeks till the due date to have an ironclad birth plan and discuss this with the professionals who will be present during the birth to make sure there's no repeat of what happened last time.

Read it

It wasn't an assumption

The OP isn't the one who's making them...